AIBU to feel irritated by DH asking me to cover up when I don't want sex?

Oh my god 😂😂

I recommend separate lives.

I recommend separate bedrooms

@GingerIsBest , the 'lets' makes it sound like she needed his permission.

Your updates are very disturbing.

True, there is probably a lot of truth to that.

But not the sexual assault bit though.

Your posts about your 'D'H just sound horrific, ghastly, vile.

You are being controlled. He calls it 'love' but it is completely fucked up. Nothing of what you have described is 'normal' - nothing.

So good of him to 'let' you work.

@murasaki I completely agree. This is a very controlling relationship.

But I think there are lots and lots of women who are in relationships like this and who actually don't mind. It's why I think we often see the huge cracks appear once the children are in school or a bit older - prior to that, she didn't want to go out much and frankly, was knackered so she didn't notice that he didn't actually like it if she went out and found his wilingness to fetch her a bonus. She didn't want to work full time so was happy to have a part time or no job and for him to be in control financially as long as all the bills etc were met.

But then, as the children grow up and things change, the woman starts to want more control and autonomy and then things get tricky. His behaviour and preferences dont' change, but her perception of them does.

In OP's case, it sounds like even though the DC have long gone, she's still quite comfortable with the dynamic in most cases. In many ways, that's equally dangerous because it means it's gone on for so long and is so entrenched that even the smallest effort from her to extract herself is likely to go down astonishingly badly. I think it's really sad.

But that doesn't justify the other behaviour, it sounds as if he wants her in the house where he can keep a virtual eye on her.

I assume that OP means she feels that she should be working full time, but he supports her to work part time so she can do these other things.

Not that I like the language either, but I can see why she sees this as him being nice to her.

Very upsetting to read that you don't want sex but you do it anyway to keep him 'happy'.

You and him both have a fucked up idea of what a relationship is.

Would you want your daughter married to someone like this?

but he lets me work part-time so I can look after the house and our pets, and look after my parents.
How gallant of him.

This.

OP, your updates are absolutely chilling. I cannot add too much more to the advice on here, but having been on MN for 16 years, yours is genuinely one of the most disturbing threads I can remember, largely because you sound utterly unaware of his monstrous behaviour.

You sound so nice. Please, please listen to the advice you're getting here.

It just gets worse every time you post. I too hope it is a wind up as this isn't love, it's actually coercive control which is a crime.

He's a criminal. Just not convicted. Yet.. think about that for a bit.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8

You can't consent while you are asleep. Touching you while you are asleep is assault. Wanking over you while your asleep is assault. Penetrating you while you are asleep is rape.

You are married but your husband doesn't own you or your body. You choose if, when and how NO ONE ELSE.

What the fuck have I just read? He is NOT a good man. He's a controlling, abusive, gaslighting sex pest. I hope you're taking steps to get away from him OP, I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

I really hope OP gets some help.

Your husband is a sexual predator. He has sexually assaulted you while you sleep. He has wanked over you while you slept. He is sexually abusing you. You can't consent if you are asleep. His sexual frustration isn't an excuse.

Your husband controls you all under the guise of protection.

Your husband dictates what clothes you can wear in your own home.

The more I read the more I worry for your safety but also about your lack of awareness. You don't even realise your being abused. You need help to see what's going on here.

I agree.
I find it really disturbing that this behaviour hasn’t been tempered, OP hasn’t left him..so many things sound so very wrong about this “wonderful” man.
Extremely disturbing he has conditioned the OP to the point that despite her feeling “ like a trapped animal ” from his “urges”, she’s still with him.
I'm so sorry you think this is okay, OP.

@RaspberryRippleDuvet

your bar for what constitutes a decent man is ridiculous. Raise it.

Oh OP, this makes me sad. the only positive is that you see all these controlling behaviours as positives and don't feel in the slightest bit restrained by them (except the sex one). But to be clear, these are not normal healthy aspects of any relationship.

He "lets" you work?

He drives you everywhere? Okay, if that works for you, great. But how does that impact you? for example, if you're out with girlfriends and you spontaneously decide to go on somewhere else for a drink or stay later, I'm guessing you can't do that but have to be waiting at the agreed point when he arrives to collect you? What if you want to go out but he's not available to drive you? Or do you sometimes not do things because he's tired and wouldn't want to drive you?

You do you but I couldn't be with someone like that -_-

Given what you've told us, if he has the technical ability to track your phone, laptop etc, he is doing it.

OP be very careful. If he knows that you are becoming aware of his abuse, things could get nasty very quickly. Women's Aid are a good resource to turn to. Your part time job may be helpful as a place to keep a spare phone and essential items. I'm very fearful for you.

I'm surprised he doesn't put you in a burka you saucy little minx!

How does he cope when the warmer weather is here and there are females out and about in cropped tops, shorts, dresses that (horror of horrors) show their bare legs! In other words, women and girls going about leading their lives just as you should be free to lead your life. He sounds such a horrible man who just sees women as pieces of meat and not as thinking and feeling human beings.