AIBU to feel irritated by DH asking me to cover up when I don't want sex?

I hope you are reading this and realising that you need to protect yourself from him?

Because sexual assault is not something that should be casually discussed over a cup of tea. He wanked over her, he assaults her, he bullies her into sex. He is a vile misogynistic pig, and no wee chat will fix it. He needs serious professional help and to stay the fuck away from women.

If this isn't a post contrived to encompass every red flag you could think of then you are being seriously abused. It's so bad I can only say to get to women's aid, quickly.

What a fucking creep. No way could I be with someone like him. Gross.

PLEASE, read this thread and the responses, again and again, until you realize that you deserve better than this! Your arse NAADH doesn't respect you nor does he care about you as a person, a human being or an equal.

To him, you are a walking, talking sex doll that doesn't need inflating.

I hope you can recognize just how valuable you are as a person and leave him behind as you finally get to appreciate yourself.

in every other way he's a wonderful husband. He's never violent, never cheats, not weird with other women at all.

That is the basics in a relationship. Your bar is set very low.
You say you have grown up children. What would you say if your daughter (if you have one) had a relationship like this?

@Floppyzebra

dump him
he sounds gross

@Outliers

yeah I think it’s a bit beyond the scope of a conversation

and you might wanna nip your own partner’s behaviour in the bud as well

I don't think troll hunting or questioning the mental health of the OP is helping at all 🙄😥
She must be feeling shook to read all these responses, if she's been with him for so long it's probably become her "normal" and hadn't seen how awful it is
She needs help and support, not chiding

“He's never violent, never cheats, not weird with other women at all.” This is not the benchmark of men. This doesn’t make him wonderful. This is standard bare minimum stuff.

“Years ago I woke up to him masturbating over me.” Sexual abuse.

“Thing is, I really really love him, and he's given me a good life… he lets me work part-time.” This isn’t love, you’re conditioned by him. He lets you work? Wow.

It's odd that he seems to have the same reaction to you cheating on him and you being raped. Surely those would provoke very very different reactions, even post dream.

He is not a good man.

In fact he idolises me. He is so scared of losing me it torments him, he has nightmares where I've cheated on him or been raped and then he's off-colour for days as it makes him so anxious.

What the actual fuck?!? This is so weird 😳

I think these behaviours are often insidious and maybe you don’t notice them as much at first and when they become more extreme over time you just get used to being treated a certain way and believe it to be normal, when it’s not. That’s not love he’s showing you, it’s control.

Wow. Last update is disturbing. Either a complete fake post or severe/profound mental ill health in both parties.

I have just read your last update and it sounds like you have a form of Stockholm Syndrome.

Please get some help.

Thank you. Wow. Lost for words reading this.

Do men actually behave like this?

Yes. In fact, many of them are far worse, which is why OP thinks this is fantastic and can't understand why she's unhappy.

Is this a real thread?

No reason to imagine it's not.

The way the OP just says goodbye after saying all that is weird. Whole post is disturbing

She's in denial, that's all. She doesn't want to be confronted with the fact that her husband of 25 years who she thinks shows amazing love is actually a controlling, possessive creep. It's completely understandable but no less unsettling for that.

We do know him, OP, he exists in many many forms and most of us have met one of him. It's quite likely he himself thinks he's just showing love and being wonderful, which would make it very convincing for you, but that's not what it is.

At the very least you ought to understand why you're unhappy and not imagine that the failing is in you. He's not wonderful for carrying out a few acts of baseline normal decency like not hitting or cheating on you. My experience of people who think doing the things you're supposed to do (like not hit or cheat on your partner) makes you a paragon of virtue are actually pretty fucking awful.

Do men actually behave like this?

Mines a lazy sod and leaves his clothes on the floor. That's as bad as he is!

Is this a real thread? The way the OP just says goodbye after saying all that is weird. Whole post is disturbing

What have I just read?

I'm so sorry you've had this life for 25 years and what happened as a child.

Pl run for the hills.

Do you have daughters? What was he like with them? I hope you don't have daughters.

I'd have been gone way before, but the stuff happening when you were asleep I'd fly out the window!!!

What an utter weirdo.

Also @RaspberryRippleDuvet he does not idolise you, he treats you like a ... well I was about to include an unking word, so lets say a hooker, and checks on you every breathing moment to make sure you are not fucking around with other men. That's hardly being put on a pedestal.

For your own sanity get rid of him. He doesn't see you as an equal, you're a fuckhole to him.

Then please read this thread @Floppyzebra

I expect you have desperately low self esteem, absolutely no idea about relationships, and justify it in your head as him fancying you so so much, way beyond the other girls, that he can't help himself. No. He sees you as an object.

If you seriously think that you need to examine your own relationship very closely.

I've changed my username for this but my husband is the same.
He says that I'm teasing him when I'm not and he says it's like smelling food cooking in the kitchen but not getting any dinner.
Anything I do is considered teasing even though I'm not dressed in any way enticing and I'm not doing anything to tease him but he doesn't believe me.