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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel irritated by DH asking me to cover up when I don't want sex?

433 replies

RaspberryRippleDuvet · 14/04/2024 19:18

There are times of the month when I really don't want sex but my DH will still be really horny.

At these times he will tell me not to sit in a certain way that shows my curves, or he'll cover my legs with a blanket if I'm showing any part of them. When I seem irritated by this he says he finds it too hard to see me in any way he deems sexy as he knows he won't be having sex with me.

To be clear, I'm not attempting to 'tease' him in any way; I'm just going about my life.

AIBU to find this behaviour of his annoying and controlling? Or should I be more sensitive?

OP posts:
Spendysis · 14/04/2024 23:27

@Snowontheholly he also sounds awful

Cornishclio · 14/04/2024 23:26

He doesn't sound like a wonderful husband to me. He can't control his urges when you show any flesh and aren't in the mood makes him sound like a sex pest.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2024 23:22

Snowontheholly · 14/04/2024 23:20

I know the feeling. I've had my partner tell me that if I'm not having sex with him then I need to sleep somewhere else (when he comes to bed hours after me). Apparently my outfit to bed was also inappropriate (shorts, that aren't that short and a t-shirt with suns on). This was only his behaviour when angry with me though. Other times he can come to bed hours after me and leave me alone.

Love, should you be with him? He sounds awful.

Snowontheholly · 14/04/2024 23:20

I know the feeling. I've had my partner tell me that if I'm not having sex with him then I need to sleep somewhere else (when he comes to bed hours after me). Apparently my outfit to bed was also inappropriate (shorts, that aren't that short and a t-shirt with suns on). This was only his behaviour when angry with me though. Other times he can come to bed hours after me and leave me alone.

Nicole1111 · 14/04/2024 23:20

Deathbyfluffy · 14/04/2024 22:17

Don’t tar us all with the same brush - that’s like me despising all women because my ex cheated on me (which I don’t).

There’s some seriously creepy guys out there, but the majority of us are perfectly normal and can deal with our ‘urges’ without this nonsense.

Show quote history

Don’t hijack a woman’s post about seriously inappropriate sexual behaviour in a relationship to make this about “not all men”. If you had a daughter who got sexually assaulted would you tell her “not all men” when she came home and told you what happened. You need to take a long hard look in the mirror.

Spendysis · 14/04/2024 23:19

You know this isn’t normal op
how is he when you go out with friends does he restrict what you wear expect you to cover up thinking all men have the same attitude he does

GingerChe · 14/04/2024 23:19

He's normally a wonderful husband

When he's not being a creepy, controlling sex pest?

He's not a wonderful husband, OP.

determinedtomakethiswork · 14/04/2024 23:16

frecklejuice · 14/04/2024 21:49

Have my very first LTB.

JFC.

It won't be your last, I promise.

CountryMumof4 · 14/04/2024 23:15

I can't believe at least one person has voted that you're being unreasonable! Gently, OP, this is extremely concerning behaviour. Please consider where this might escalate to, if his 'urges' get the better of him.

determinedtomakethiswork · 14/04/2024 23:15

nocoolnamesleft · 14/04/2024 21:19

I've never understood why it's always about the woman covering up, instead of the man wearing blinkers.

Exactly!

OutOfTheHouse · 14/04/2024 23:14

Don’t have children with this man, and think very hard about your marriage.

OutOfTheHouse · 14/04/2024 23:13

Deathbyfluffy · 14/04/2024 22:17

Don’t tar us all with the same brush - that’s like me despising all women because my ex cheated on me (which I don’t).

There’s some seriously creepy guys out there, but the majority of us are perfectly normal and can deal with our ‘urges’ without this nonsense.

Show quote history

It’s not all men, but it is all women. All of them.

LemonySnickets · 14/04/2024 23:09

LisaD1 · 14/04/2024 19:25

If I want to sit naked in my own home and not have sex I will and my DH wouldn’t dream of telling me to cover up. Your DH needs to grow up and stop treating his inability to control himself as anyone else’s problem but his own.

☝🏻 what she said. If I want to walk round my house naked I damn well will. And I do (unless my DS is here or visitors). I don't expect to be told to cover up and neither should you. The man's a pig.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/04/2024 23:02

This is genuinely fucking horrifying.

I am aghast that you have stayed with this man.

SmokedPaprikaPuffs · 14/04/2024 23:00

Horrible.

Spendysis · 14/04/2024 22:58

What a creep I am surprised you have sex with him at all

Noseybookworm · 14/04/2024 22:46

I'd tell him if he carries on like that you won't be having sex with him ever again! What a turn off 🤢

Nicole1111 · 14/04/2024 22:43

The way he is objectifying you is absolutely appalling. You’re not a piece of meat for his enjoyment. You’re a human and his partner. I would be furious at the lack of respect he’s showing you here. Why is he not taking responsibility for his unhealthy attitude towards sex. Why does he think the solution to his problem is yours to find?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 14/04/2024 22:32

He’s an abusive twat and that would give me the massive ick so we’d never have sex again.

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 14/04/2024 22:32

Beginningless · 14/04/2024 22:27

Well said. For a man to come in and say ‘this is not a majority of men’ - perhaps try asking women how often they have been affected by this shit? You have literally no way to know how many men make women feel like this.

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Yes he would do well to read the unanimous (rare on MN) shock and fear shown in our comments.

Cherrysoup · 14/04/2024 22:30

Tashbwth5656 · 14/04/2024 22:17

No no noooooo
I'm a female that served 13 years military and now have a successful career in a male dominated world and got a rosette as a chef......this to me seems like a religion ! Are you Muslim? If not get the fuck out!!!

Jeez, even if you are, get out!

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2024 22:29

@Deathbyfluffy there are plenty of places where All Women Are Bitches. I don't frequent them. The 90% of the rest of the internet for example.

Most women have been harassed, sexually assaulted, treated like meat or been on the end of male shit multiple times. If some of them are done with men as a whole, they can be. NAMALTing here is a bit shit TBH.

Typically, decent men just assume we're not talking about them and walk by.

Beginningless · 14/04/2024 22:27

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 14/04/2024 22:21

Read the room. You have no idea what being on the receiving end of this type of masculine energy is like and we do. Your experience of a woman cheating on you has absolutely no bearing here.

Show quote history

Well said. For a man to come in and say ‘this is not a majority of men’ - perhaps try asking women how often they have been affected by this shit? You have literally no way to know how many men make women feel like this.

olivebranch31 · 14/04/2024 22:22

Kick him the f out that's terrifying behaviour

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 14/04/2024 22:21

Deathbyfluffy · 14/04/2024 22:17

Don’t tar us all with the same brush - that’s like me despising all women because my ex cheated on me (which I don’t).

There’s some seriously creepy guys out there, but the majority of us are perfectly normal and can deal with our ‘urges’ without this nonsense.

Show quote history

Read the room. You have no idea what being on the receiving end of this type of masculine energy is like and we do. Your experience of a woman cheating on you has absolutely no bearing here.