Page 12 | AIBU to feel irritated by DH asking me to cover up when I don't want sex?

SpeedbirdSquawker · 15/04/2024 05:26

He is absolutely disgusting.

cryinglaughing · 15/04/2024 05:09

Jeez, your update 😳
For me, the negatives - recording and tracking your every move, would far outweigh any positives.
You love him. Has he brainwashed you?!

Blueink · 15/04/2024 04:58

Thanks for coming back and giving more insight OP.

This made me feel very sad you have put up with this and many of the behaviours seem normal to you or you know they aren’t but have minimised them.

There is gaslighting all over this, about how attractive he finds you, how scared he is of losing you. He deserves to lose you forever, his behaviour is sickening. Does he know about the abuse? I strongly suspect he does I feel even more despair he’s exploited it, beyond vile.

I was already really disturbed by his behaviour, but it’s tenfold from your update. i worry he’s an abuser of others hiding under the guise of a happily married man.

Unfortunately the other is the mask.

Please speak to Women’s Aid. In your gut you do know the truth that this isn’t right and they can provide expertise and support you IRL.

Snugglemonkey · 15/04/2024 04:49

Oh god. Your update makes it all worse op. He really is not a wonderful husband at all. He is a controlling, abusive man who has sexually assaulted you so often that you cannot sleep in the same bed, as you know you cannot trust him not to assault you again.

This is not a wonderful husband.

heartbroken22 · 15/04/2024 04:46

Men who accuse women of cheating are usually the ones who do it themselves.

heartbroken22 · 15/04/2024 04:45

He sounds like a pervert. In what way is he great? I felt disgusted reading this post as knew someone who was abusive like this. Police involved.

Snugglemonkey · 15/04/2024 04:33

Lucy377 · 14/04/2024 19:31

He's punishing you and belittling you when you don't do what he wants.

I'd ring Women's Aid and get their advice if you think we are over reacting.

Definitely this. It is disgusting.

MumInBrussels · 15/04/2024 04:32

So, he makes you cover up because you're not available for sex, makes pointed comments reminding you he wants sex, tracks your every movement, gropes you "in his sleep" to the extent that you've had to move to a separate bed, and accuses you of cheating regularly because you're not having sex wherever he wants.

I know you've put up with this for 25 years, but it doesn't mean you have to carry on putting up with it. This is controlling, abusive behaviour. It's not normal. It's not ok. There is no good behaviour on his part that outweighs this. Just because he doesn't (yet) beat the shit out you doesn't make him an excellent husband.

lemmein · 15/04/2024 04:31

Don’t tar us all with the same brush - that’s like me despising all women because my ex cheated on me (which I don’t).

There’s some seriously creepy guys out there, but the majority of us are perfectly normal and can deal with our ‘urges’ without this nonsense.

@Deathbyfluffy meh, I'm tired of pretending behaviour like this is from a tiny, insignificant number of men - it isn't!

JohnSt1 · 15/04/2024 04:21

Tracking your movements and spying on you is creepy beyond words. He sounds dangerous.

RainIsCosy · 15/04/2024 04:19

RaspberryRippleDuvet · 15/04/2024 04:14

Thank you for the replies everyone.

We've been married 25 years. Sex has always been the only problem in our relationship because he has a much higher sex drive than me. I was abused as a child by a family member so I have some issues around sex which hasn't always been easy for him.

He doesn't cover me up in a nasty way, or get violent or anything, he just makes comments such as "Are you sitting like that on purpose?".

We have to sleep in separate beds because he was always touching me in his sleep which I hated. He said he didn't know he was doing it but I still don't know if that's true really.

He is very very protective of me, his worst fear is losing me. We have a tracker app so he always knows where I am, and once he left a recording device in our living room because he was worried I was cheating on him. I have NEVER cheated on him. This was years ago though and he confessed he'd done it, I had no idea.

If we don't have sex for a while he gets very anxious and panicky. He starts thinking I'm cheating.

I'll be honest, when he's like this I feel like a trapped animal. I just want to run away and have my body left alone.

But in every other way he really IS a wonderful husband. I know that sounds trite but he really is. I love him.

None of this is normal. It's quite disturbing to me.

lemmein · 15/04/2024 04:19

RaspberryRippleDuvet · 15/04/2024 04:14

Thank you for the replies everyone.

We've been married 25 years. Sex has always been the only problem in our relationship because he has a much higher sex drive than me. I was abused as a child by a family member so I have some issues around sex which hasn't always been easy for him.

He doesn't cover me up in a nasty way, or get violent or anything, he just makes comments such as "Are you sitting like that on purpose?".

We have to sleep in separate beds because he was always touching me in his sleep which I hated. He said he didn't know he was doing it but I still don't know if that's true really.

He is very very protective of me, his worst fear is losing me. We have a tracker app so he always knows where I am, and once he left a recording device in our living room because he was worried I was cheating on him. I have NEVER cheated on him. This was years ago though and he confessed he'd done it, I had no idea.

If we don't have sex for a while he gets very anxious and panicky. He starts thinking I'm cheating.

I'll be honest, when he's like this I feel like a trapped animal. I just want to run away and have my body left alone.

But in every other way he really IS a wonderful husband. I know that sounds trite but he really is. I love him.

Blimey! 😳

Original poster

RaspberryRippleDuvet · 15/04/2024 04:14

Thank you for the replies everyone.

We've been married 25 years. Sex has always been the only problem in our relationship because he has a much higher sex drive than me. I was abused as a child by a family member so I have some issues around sex which hasn't always been easy for him.

He doesn't cover me up in a nasty way, or get violent or anything, he just makes comments such as "Are you sitting like that on purpose?".

We have to sleep in separate beds because he was always touching me in his sleep which I hated. He said he didn't know he was doing it but I still don't know if that's true really.

He is very very protective of me, his worst fear is losing me. We have a tracker app so he always knows where I am, and once he left a recording device in our living room because he was worried I was cheating on him. I have NEVER cheated on him. This was years ago though and he confessed he'd done it, I had no idea.

If we don't have sex for a while he gets very anxious and panicky. He starts thinking I'm cheating.

I'll be honest, when he's like this I feel like a trapped animal. I just want to run away and have my body left alone.

But in every other way he really IS a wonderful husband. I know that sounds trite but he really is. I love him.

OP posts:

Blueink · 15/04/2024 04:04

RandomButtons · 14/04/2024 19:29

How does he manage to walk down the high street on a hot summers day? How does he manage to go swimming or to the gym?

If he is so utterly unable to control his urges he

needs to see a therapist
can not be trusted to not cheat

have you discussed those two things with him?

I was wondering the same - it’s very abnormal and worrying and a definite therapy situation.

If he is being genuine, OP isn’t the only person in the world he’s attracted to (whatever he says) and he’s running deep seated impulse control issues.

Or he’s being a coercive controlling misogynist.

Either is deeply disturbing.

I also wonder if OP is being gaslit as seems to be a classic “he’s wonderful but for this one thing…” (that but for the love bombing etc would set off alarm bells and a string of bright red flags high in the wind).

OP hasn’t been been yet… hopefully will come back and engage.

Fraaahnces · 15/04/2024 03:39

Tell him to cover his face because you don’t want to look at him anymore…

JohnSt1 · 15/04/2024 03:29

He sounds like the Taliban, wanting women to cover up so they don't corrupt men.

GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight · 15/04/2024 02:57

Lemonyyy · 14/04/2024 19:27

He literally PUTS A BLANKET OVER YOU because he can’t control himself???

Nothing to say except what the actual fuck????

Yeah, this as well.
Just nope.

GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight · 15/04/2024 02:56

RaspberryRippleDuvet · 14/04/2024 19:18

There are times of the month when I really don't want sex but my DH will still be really horny.

At these times he will tell me not to sit in a certain way that shows my curves, or he'll cover my legs with a blanket if I'm showing any part of them. When I seem irritated by this he says he finds it too hard to see me in any way he deems sexy as he knows he won't be having sex with me.

To be clear, I'm not attempting to 'tease' him in any way; I'm just going about my life.

AIBU to find this behaviour of his annoying and controlling? Or should I be more sensitive?

WTF?!
No, that's ridiculous.
Love mine lots but can still be irritating sometimes when wants it when I don't.
This, though?! Whole new level!
He doesn't get to tell you how to sit, or to cover up, I couldn't stand for that!
His problem not yours.

Tarquina · 15/04/2024 02:37

Fannyfiggs · 14/04/2024 19:45

Tell him to wear a fucking blindfold if he can't control himself 🙄

This, all the way!

Topsyturvy78 · 15/04/2024 02:34

I assume he has two hands.🍆👋

tinytemper66 · 15/04/2024 01:54

Why do posters tell us their partners' issues, which are usually enough for the ick , then follow up with 'he is usually wonderful'?
No he isn't. He is a prick.

Mumoftwochildrenand6furkids · 15/04/2024 01:50

Forgot that I have very dry skin so every night i strip off naked and partner puts E45 all over my body he knows that dont mean i want sex every night but would never dream of telling me to cover up, sorry sounds very pervy to me.

dontcryformeargentina · 15/04/2024 01:38

neverendingcold · 14/04/2024 19:20

Wtaf

Exactly my thoughts!

startingagain202 · 15/04/2024 01:09

IntertwiningLeaves · 15/04/2024 00:35

i also suspect this post is a guy. fishing.

Oh yeah, actually probably this. Does sound like a porn addled version of domestic life.

startingagain202 · 15/04/2024 01:07

There is absolutely never an abused woman who posts on MN about the indescribably vile men they live with and doesn't add 'they are a wonderful husband/father'

Honestly the Taliban called, they want their man back.

The terrible thing is the Afghan women have no choice and have to suffer under oppression. You do have a choice and yet here you are.