AIBU to feel irritated by DH asking me to cover up when I don't want sex?

I was abused as a child by a family member so I have some issues around sex which hasn't always been easy for him.

Your history of abuse isn't easy for him? Hello, OP... come back to yourself, please. Who gives a fuck whether it's easy for him? What about you? Why are you putting his feelings above your own?

You don't love this man. He sexually harrasses and coerces you, controls you, spies on you and weaponises your history of abuse against you.

You say "he's great, really, I love him" but deep down, in your heart, you know he is just another abuser. I get why that is incredibly painful to admit. I really hope you can find a way out of this situation, OP, a way to put yourself first for once.

Does he still track you? Delete the app or whatever it is, now. His anxious panic because he hasn’t had sex recently enough is HIS PROBLEM TO HANDLE. He needs to get therapy for it, and to leave you the fuck alone. You are being controlled and harassed by him, and have been for a long long time.

None of this is normal, he sounds extremely controlling. This is not a healthy relationship at all.

It is not normal to secretly track or record your wife this is outrageous behaviour

He s mentally un stable and dangerous he is NOT a nice man

Fearing you are having an affair is not normal to this extent and his actions are not ok

Get advice and help assp

Dearest girl I’ve just read your update - you are being abused again, as you were in your childhood, which is why you don’t recognise what it is…none of this is your fault and you need to get away from him.

We have to sleep in separate beds because he was always touching me in his sleep which I hated. He said he didn't know he was doing it but I still don't know if that's true really.

He is very very protective of me, his worst fear is losing me. We have a tracker app so he always knows where I am, and once he left a recording device in our living room because he was worried I was cheating on him. I have NEVER cheated on him. This was years ago though and he confessed he'd done it, I had no idea.

Jesus. I didn’t think that could get any worse.

He’s not ‘protective’, he’s a spying, controlling, paranoid abuser.

He’s not a ‘great husband’ if you literally have to sleep in another room to stop him sexually abusing you in your sleep…

Wise up to the truth.

Oh OP, I'm so sorry but you have been conditioned to think this is ok, it's not, none of it is.

It's normal to have Life360 for our kids maybe, but tracking adults is really not normal, at all.

So much in your post and update is alarming.

This is the behaviour of a sexual predator. Sounds dangerous.

This is creepy as fuck, Op.

Gosh OP Your update is even worse. How often have you had sex when you don’t really want to, to stop him going on at you? I hope you find the support and strength to get help

Op run. Run for the hills.

This man has been controlling you for decades. Your update is really worrying: tracking apps are NOT normal in an way or shape.

Please get some advice on coercive control and get out.

I’m hoping they have put that because they think she’s BU to still be in a relationship with him.

I'm really worried for you @RaspberryRippleDuvet. None of what you describe is part of a 'normal' healthy relationship.
I agree with all of the pps, he has eroded your self worth and you can't see that this isn't right. I pray you can get the help you sound like you desperately need.
Take care of yourself.
Also, have my first LTB.

It's very odd behaviour to the point he needs help. I'm assuming you are sitting around in sexy lingerie or deliberately revealing clothes to wind him up (as tempting as that is? If he really struggles with this then it's actually something he should speak to a professional about before he does something he later regrets

I’m sorry but he isn’t ‘protective’. He’s controlling. Do you have children?

And if they were lovely, they wouldn't be here scolding abused women, they'd be out trying to do something about abusive men. It's male behaviour and men are the ones who need to take responsibility, as a class, for changing it.

OP his behaviour is very odd and it's worrying that you are accepting of it. If you have been married for a while you will be used to him so his behaviour seems normal. But what I think you can take from everyone's replies to you is that it isn't ok. Perhaps you posted because you sense too that it isn't ok. A recording device in the living room? A tracking app? Imagine a friend explaining that her husband did those things, what would your response be? He is exerting quite a degree of control and it may be a good idea to seek advice on how to approach this so that you can safely extricate yourself from this situation.

He needs go take a look photo of you in a bikini to a private area and sort himself out then

Seriously it changes because he's not getting what he wants so tantrums ..
What's his attitude to women who wear skirts showing legs are they asking to be raped?

He sounds controlling rather than protective. That would make me feel trapped too. He sees you as his possession and that is abusive. I also wonder if you got together very young and he saw how vulnerable you are. Do you have children or supportive friends/family?

You feel like a trapped animal because you are one.
You’re being controlled and abused. He likely targeted you because of your childhood, men like this seek out victims of abuse because your boundaries are skewed.
Accusing you of cheating is classic behaviour of a cheater. They do it, so can’t understand how you don’t.
There so much wrong with this relationship, please keep talking on here and get help.,

Just when I think the bar can't get any lower, along comes a man who's buried it 6 feet deeper.

WTAF? OP he is not 'lovely' he is completely unhinged and frankly sounds like he's one step away from being an actual danger to Women.

This is so, so far away from normal behaviour. I've got literally no idea how you can bring yourself to have sex with him at any time.

OP were you very young when you met him? I know you said you’ve been with him 25 years. I’m wondering if you were very young making you even more vulnerable? I agree with everyone else that this behaviour is abusive & he’s making it all your responsibility (you have to cover up, he has to track your movements). He’s not taking any responsibility for his behaviour.
It also reminded me of the justification for Muslim women to wear the hijab or burka which while I try to be open minded about other religions I find very concerning from a feminist perspective.

Op I think that you have completely lost the understanding of what is normal. None of what you have said it normal.