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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Date would rather buy a homeless man dinner than me…

208 replies

UnPCprinciple · 14/04/2024 18:33

First date; I travelled an hour by train for a night out with him. Over dinner, we clicked so much, similar sense of humour. We split the bill (he hesitated when it arrived, so in the awkward silence I said “Shall we just split it?”). I actually did want to offer to pay the whole thing because I was having the most amazing time, but since I had paid about the same to get there and I was a student (he wasn’t), I was trying to be careful. But usually if a friend had travelled a fair distance to see me, I would expect to pay for their food and mine.

On the way back to the train station, a homeless man asked for money, knowing people on a date want to impress. So my date takes him to a fast food place, queues, gets to the counter, turns around to ask him what he wants and the bloke has disappeared…

All I can say is I would have appreciated him buying me food a lot more and it made me giggle all the way home 😂

My AIBU is was it a bit rubbish of me to imagine he might want to get the bill as I had made the effort to get there and already paid about the same?

YABU — Stop trying to uphold outdated double standards for men, your travel costs had nothing to do with the date.
YANBU — A little appreciation goes a long way.

OP posts:
user6890one · 16/04/2024 17:16

Errr, at least one poster has iterated they'd love to have my lifestyle?

@bellezarara - you also left out from the other thread where I said that when I invite friends to something, I pay for their ticket. Is that cheap?

Some of us don't like to pay for men on dates. It's not a crime. It's a lifestyle I chose. I like to be wined, dined and treated like a princess. My choice. I haven't said the opposite that you may have chosen is wrong.

So, off I fuck to my Pilates class.

BIossomtoes · 16/04/2024 17:14

Feminists being jealous of other women.

Nobody’s jealous of you, dear.

user6890one · 16/04/2024 17:09

@bellezarara - it involves some critical thinking, but "being cheap" and "not wanting to pay with actual currency on a date" are wildly different things.

Feminists being jealous of other women. Now THAT'S the real paradox.

bellezarara · 16/04/2024 17:07

I can’t stop 🤣🤣🤣

user6890one · 16/04/2024 17:06

Oh @bellezarara - I thought you were a genuine feminist, but your last couple of posts really just highlight that you like to shit on other women.

BIossomtoes · 16/04/2024 17:05

Thanks @bellezarara. I suspected as much. It has all the hallmarks of a fantasist.

user6890one · 16/04/2024 17:05

@bellezarara - oh, where did I say that examples includes my current husband? (Besides, it would be half his money anyway?!)

Two different threads. Two different points. It's not hard.

bellezarara · 16/04/2024 17:05

SabreIsMyFave · 16/04/2024 17:04

Bad form @bellezarara

Y’all sound like how men would type.

SabreIsMyFave · 16/04/2024 17:05

Don't bite @FakeMiddleton

SabreIsMyFave · 16/04/2024 17:04

Bad form @bellezarara

bellezarara · 16/04/2024 17:04

user6890one · 16/04/2024 16:56

@Calliecarpa ...because you've assumed we're all kept women in a cage.

I'm not. I've got a brain. I have mobility. I'm not trapped. It just so happens I got a rich husband who adores me and wants me to do whatever I want as long as I'm happy.

Free woman and "spoiled" can coexist in the same person. THAT's the issue.

Username checks out 😂

user6890one · 16/04/2024 17:04

@YourFogLightsAreOnTheresNoFog - IKR?

And before it starts: nooooo, it's not because my captor husband makes me stay trim to be a Trophy Wife. I just like weights and had a PT for years before I knew my DH existed. It's a hobby. It brings me joy.

bellezarara · 16/04/2024 17:03

user6890one · 16/04/2024 16:34

I’m aghast and appalled that decades of feminism have been wasted on some women.

I have two MAs, earn well into 6 figures, own property acquired before I married my husband, bought 99% of my handbag and shoe and watch collection, I speak more languages than my husband, play more instruments, know more about the arts...

I chose a man that loves to "spoil me" (to him, it's not spoiling. It's just the way it's done). I got the best of both worlds. I don't think anything was wasted on me. I got the exact life and brain I wanted.

@Blossomtoes

I’d take this with a pinch of salt. Here is @FakeMiddleton on another thread today, she’s too cheap to pay for a ticket for someone else, including her husband, unless it’s a BOGOF affair 😂

But over my dead body are we getting to a show and I'm buying the ticket right in front of him as we stand by th le card machine.

What I would do is I would say to them "oh, there's an exhibition at X. Would you like to go with me", and as I'm a member of a lot of places with a +1, I'd "pay" that way.‘

YourFogLightsAreOnTheresNoFog · 16/04/2024 17:01

If I had a rich DH I'd fuck about at the gym.

SabreIsMyFave · 16/04/2024 16:59

user6890one · 16/04/2024 16:56

@Calliecarpa ...because you've assumed we're all kept women in a cage.

I'm not. I've got a brain. I have mobility. I'm not trapped. It just so happens I got a rich husband who adores me and wants me to do whatever I want as long as I'm happy.

Free woman and "spoiled" can coexist in the same person. THAT's the issue.

THIS ^ Some posters can't stand it can they? 😆

BIossomtoes · 16/04/2024 16:58

All the anger’s in your head @SabreIsMyFave. You seem weirdly obsessed with it.

SabreIsMyFave · 16/04/2024 16:58

Calliecarpa · 16/04/2024 16:54

So on this page of the thread alone, we've had that women are 'jealous' if they don't like the idea of being a kept wife in a cage, and now that we're 'angry'. Oh but of course. Wowee, feminism really has passed some women by.

Kept in a cage? 😆 WTAF are you on about?!

And yep, jealousy.. That's what it is. Green eyed monster alert! Grin

SabreIsMyFave · 16/04/2024 16:57

user6890one · 16/04/2024 16:52

I'll happy as fuck at the gym! A far better use of my time than what I do at work for middle aged bankers Grin

I can't wait for my life of Riley, going to galleries when I feel like it, shopping. My time is now All Mine. That life makes me happy.

I'll think of you fondly at my next massage.

LOL! 😆 I love how angry and frustrated your lifestyle choice (which is wonderful) is making some posters.

They can't BEAR it that women who are intelligent and well-educated, choose a life of leisure and 'homemaking...' They just can't take it. DOES. NOT. COMPUTE!!! 😂

user6890one · 16/04/2024 16:56

@Calliecarpa ...because you've assumed we're all kept women in a cage.

I'm not. I've got a brain. I have mobility. I'm not trapped. It just so happens I got a rich husband who adores me and wants me to do whatever I want as long as I'm happy.

Free woman and "spoiled" can coexist in the same person. THAT's the issue.

Calliecarpa · 16/04/2024 16:54

So on this page of the thread alone, we've had that women are 'jealous' if they don't like the idea of being a kept wife in a cage, and now that we're 'angry'. Oh but of course. Wowee, feminism really has passed some women by.

user6890one · 16/04/2024 16:52

I'll happy as fuck at the gym! A far better use of my time than what I do at work for middle aged bankers Grin

I can't wait for my life of Riley, going to galleries when I feel like it, shopping. My time is now All Mine. That life makes me happy.

I'll think of you fondly at my next massage.

BIossomtoes · 16/04/2024 16:52

SabreIsMyFave · 16/04/2024 16:50

@Calliecarpa Are you OK? You seem really angry. Shock

It seems that women having different views to you upsets you quite a lot! You need to get out a bit more! 😎

Oh, is this the latest? The faux concern with the tilted head because anger is apparently wrong. I guess it’s unfeminine and doesn’t go down well with men who want kept wives.

SabreIsMyFave · 16/04/2024 16:51

😂

BIossomtoes · 16/04/2024 16:50

user6890one · 16/04/2024 16:44

No, I think I am. You broad-brushed every woman who, per @OnigiriJones' post, wants to be or is looked after by [their] husband"

My husband earns more than 10 times what I do and paid for everything (and I mean everything) whilst dating. Now we are married, half of everything is mine to spend. I have no intention of working very very soon and I'm in my 30s. I'll fuck about at the gym and doing courses and Pilates.

I think you think you weren't talking about "women like me" because I refute your belief that only airhead idiots are Stepford wives.

In which case you think wrong. Always a problem when you assume you know what someone thinks. And if someone as well educated and obviously intelligent as you appear is content to “fuck about at the gym” and won’t be bored to tears I’ll judge you. If I’m feeling charitable I’ll feel sorry for you in your golden cage with your career currency diminishing.

SabreIsMyFave · 16/04/2024 16:50

@Calliecarpa Are you OK? You seem really angry. Shock

It seems that women having different views to you upsets you quite a lot! You need to get out a bit more! 😎