Fed up with

I think you’re right to distance yourself from your sister, her lack of self awareness and bragging makes her sound like someone who is very undesirable to be around. If she notices maybe you’ll consider telling her in a constructive way and see if there is any positive change to the way she interacts with you.

Can you have a proper conversation with the GP about them helping out more on a regular basis? Explain it makes you feel sad that they don’t see their GC much and what you’re struggling with, I’d avoid mentioning their relationship with other family members though as really it’s none of anyone else’s business.

there is absolutely no acknowledgement of the fact that we cannot afford a holiday this year, my job contract ends in February and my husband is looking for a new job as his contract ends this month.
Do they actually know about these things? If so, what did they say when you told them?

Her '£4500' bag is probably one of those knock-offs you get from markets in most tourist cities.

And anyone with any money, class or style at all doesn't ever, ever, ever boast about what somethings costs. If they think that is what something is worth they definitely wouldn't think about boasting about it, as it would be normal to them.

@AVFC4eva your sister is a liar.

Your sister sounds awful and massively intensive to wang on about her ridiculous bag.

Honestly I completely get your point. It may well be envy but what’s so unreasonable about that? We are in a very similar position except youngest is now 15 and oldest is 22. We had our 2nd night away without children in January this year. Wrap around care while we both worked? Nope never offered. Fil refused to babysit for us while he bloody lived with us!!!

I think someone flashing a £4500 handbag has got issues, telling people the price of something is vulgar and rude. They’re probably really in shit loads of debt to present such a wealthy front.

get yourself a 45 quid handbag and tell her they both hold the same fucking lipstick 🤣

@AVFC4eva I support you 100%

Unlike others, I don’t see jealously, I see mild envy. Not of what your sister has, but the fact that she’s bragging left right and centre, with total disregard to your feelings, and getting help from grandparents she is not willing to share to level playing field.

I’m saddened for you that your sister doesn’t recognise that she is selfish. I sympathise because after years of emotional abuse I am going NC with my three sibs. I was heartbroken a month ago but now I am free of them and their bullshit

Back to you OP: I don’t blame you. Back away from anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself. Be like Bob (Marley) and emancipate yourself from mental slavery. You owe it to yourself

Good luck 💐

#teamAVFC4eva 😇
#IWHTID 😂
#COYI 😂
#OLAS 😂
#LUFCaremy2ndteam

Envy and jealousy are the nastiest emotions. Comparison is the thief of joy. Your OP sounds jealous and like you don’t really like them very much. On that basis YABU

your subsequent posts sound like it’s more that they don’t support you or seem very interested in your life or your DC. YANBU to be upset by that. I would focus on the lack of support for you, not them flaunting their lifestyle.

stop comparing yourself to them. But also ignore their attempts to make you do that. The £4,500 handbag thing I just couldn’t understand. It sounds like sis wanted everyone to coo over it. You don’t need to give her that satisfaction. If someone did that to me I’d take the royal p*ss out then for spending so much on something so ridiculous as a handbag. TBH she does sound quite self obsessed and narcissistic.

If it makes you feel better, remind yourself that the things they are flaunting - cars, holidays, handbags- can all be got on credit. They may not really have as much money as they like to make out.

with the GPs and childcare. 30 mins isn’t that far. I find it hard to believe the distance is why you aren’t getting their support. Is your sis the Golden Child? When you ask for their help, or try to talk to them about your life and worries what do they say?

You didn’t say anything in your OP about just wanting a telephone call of support from family. You listed envy about their successful careers, their frequent holidays, their luxury purchases, the family childcare they have help with because they live close by and you chose to move away. So that’s what people here will respond to.

Your life does sound quite miserable. And they should absolutely phone you more, if that’s what you’d like and have asked for. But I doubt you actually want other people agreeing with that, do you? You want them to knock your family members - and what people are pointing out is that that knocking isn’t due, your problems aren’t their doing or fault.

With respect OP, I think there’s a bit of transference going on here. You are understandably worried about DH’s job and feeling anxious about your financial situation. But you’re turning the blame onto your families and it’s hardly their fault.

Once this tricky period has passed, you’ll want to be with them again so I wouldn’t fall out now.

In the meantime, you have three lovely children, a solid husband, presumably your own home? They may feel envious of you! No handbag or holiday matches up to that.

I hope the jobs work out and that you feel better soon.

I agree with ladykenya, the sheer lack of awareness from them all blabbing on about money would be crass enough, without the facts of your own current situation. Really thoughtless at best, pure nasty show offs at worst. I feel bad for you, I don't think you sound jealous, i think they sound awful, wafting their wealth in your face while youre struggling, horrible. For your own mental health, I would take a step back from them for a bit lass. Good luck with it all xx

I'm surprised by so many responses "you chose to move so far away".

30mins is no distance at all really. We are 4-5h from our in laws and I'm really grateful, they visit every couple of months to help out, especially since we had dc2.

SIL lives 30min from them, and is expecting a baby, and I expect they'll be seeing her nearly everyday, or certainly as often as she wants them. 30min is so near!

So I'm mostly yanbu but my only slight yabu is you chose to have 3 kids... nothing wrong with that and I admire big families but it does make people less likely to want to babysit. Even since we've had dc2 I've sensed that we'll get less babysitting help. It's just much harder looking after more than one at once

Edit for typos

I think you need to get ahead of the game and book in some random dates that the GPs do have free at random times in the year for some date nights. Take anything, even if it's months away. You'll feel better for having something booked in.

When you move away you have to accept the consequences! My DB and SIL lived in the same village as both sets of grandparents…I lived hundreds of miles away. DB and SIL had so much childcare support and no issues with career progression because of it…I ended up leaving work to be sole carer to my DD who due to complex needs couldn’t access formal childcare where I live.

They became very wealthy, I very definitely am not. I don’t resent them or the grandparents though! And I could have moved back decades ago if I’d wanted to, but I much prefer my (simple) life here. You could move closer if you truly wanted to. If you aren’t in a good place with your sister, and want to pull back, that’s your choice but don’t put pressure on your husband to do the same, that’s so unfair.
Life is so short - don’t end up regretting not spending time with family.

Ah @AVFC4eva that's really tough. Do the grandparents really do nothing at all to help you? Nothing? Half an hour is not far. Could you drop the kids with them for a weekend while you and DH do something cheap and cheerful ? What would they say if you asked them?

If they genuinely choose to treat you and your sister differently that's awful. Well it is in real life, on mumsnet people are very odd about help from grandparents!

Things like this cause division that crosses over into the next generation. Cousins resentful of each other because of their differing experiences, grandparents closer to some grandchildren than others. It's wrong. I will always do my absolute best to treat my kids fairly, and there's eight of them so it won't be easy! But I couldn't bear for one of my children to grow up and feel Like you do now.

Is this your BIL, OP?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=U8Kum8OUTuk

UTV!

To be honest OP, I think that your family members are being self absorbed. They must know your circumstances regarding finances, and they do not temper how they talk around you, regarding that. It is poor behaviour on their part, I would say.

I feel your pain and it's really unfair that your siblings are benefitting from free childcare and you're not. Have you spoken to the grandparents? My MIL virtually brought up my BIL's children, while he and his wife worked full time. They also took extravagant holidays as a couple, leaving the children with her for a few weeks at a time. Consequently she never had any free time to get to know my DC. My own mum is no longer here.

At the end of the day it’s their life and this is yours and ultimately it’s your fault you moved far etc. it’s also your job choice. If you devoted your life to what they have and got more permanent career instead of temp you may not be in this situation.

I feel like this sometimes however I don’t want people to shut up about their lives just cause I can’t live the same way.

OP, you can call them and I'm sure they will answer, talk, put your mind at rest

what about the in-laws?

This.

Then, YAalsoBU with this

I just stand by and drink my coffee but there is absolutely no acknowledgement of the fact that we cannot afford a holiday this year

Why ?
Why wouldn't you say something at that point ?