Taking my daughters birthday money if she doesn’t go on her trip?

Tell her when you make commitments in life you keep them and she WILL indeed be going and learning how to make the best of it.

How? How would you make her?

She's 13, don't let her dictate. Just tell her she's going. She committed to going and that was the deal so now she has to go. Teaches her to follow through on her commitments as she grows up.

It's not just the money, OP. It's the fact you took on extra work to pay for it. You made a huge effort to make it happen. She has to understand it and it's her turn to make a huge effort.

Being compassionate, it sounds like anxiety.

See if you can talk her down nicely, but then yes YANBU to insist on the money.

This is non negotiable as far as I’m concerned. Would she be so wasteful if it was her own money at stake? So what there’s activities she doesn’t like, go and do something new and get stuck in! Sounds like she just wanted a jolly lounging around with her mates for a few days. She knew it was an ‘activity’ holiday and it sounds like it’s just that!

Give your DD two choices, she either goes on the trip to France or she doesn't, in which case she pays you back.

Kids today are a different breed than we were, so for people saying that they'd make her go - how exactly? It really depends on how compliant she is. If she's the type of kid that will go, but grumpily if you put your foot down, then fine, she goes. If she flat out refuses and won't leave the house that day, how exactly can the OP make her? If she's the non compliant type of child (much more common these days than in our generation) then she pays you back. I also wouldn't be agreeing to any other future trips. It's a tough age OP. I sympathise.

She’s taken the place of someone that may have wanted to go. I’d make her go

How would you make her go? This has been asked a few times and no one has answered.
It's getting like the benefits of brexit.

At this age my daughter went off with guides to Kenya for almost a month, she had an amazing time and learned lots of life lessons, they lived with a group of girls in Mombasa who were given sewing machines and taught to use them to take a trade back to their villages, they lived on the same food and had a bucket of water a day to wash / cook so had to decide how to use it ! So 5 days in France ? I’d bloody make her go !

Exactly what I asked.

It sounds like a wobble and a push outside her comfort zone would do her good.
She’s signed up for it. You’ve paid for her to go, she can’t be flaky and let people don’t eg staffing will be based on ratio, groups and rooms already sorted.
I’d not be entertaining it.
We are seeing more of this in Guides and Brownies..x isn’t coming as her friend isn’t, y had changed her mind and wants to go to a party instead. We have had to revamp forms to say be sure you want to come before booking on and if you change your mind you still pay.

Make the money tangible, I have worked xx extra hours to earn that money, that's on my feet, night shifts after already doing full time hours etc, it's x months electric, X weeks food shopping for the whole family, the cost of 50 trips for you to go to the cinema with your friends, you do not get to decide that I run myself ragged for nothing, I have done this to support you and what you told me you so desperately wanted, now you show some gratitude and go and make the most of it.
Guaranteed OP she'll enjoy it once she's there. She also needs to learn responsibility and not backing out of commitments. For those saying so you plan to manhandle her, I would hope that with an ounce of decency she wouldn't put her mother in that position.

I don’t think yabu but I would try and get to the bottom of why she doesn’t want to go all of a sudden. Îd just want to be sure nothing had happened at school or between her and her friends to trigger this.

Doesn't want to go? Shes committed to it and so have you..big style. Not going is not even an option.

This! Going is non-negotiable. You can express sympathy for the fact that she might be feeling anxious but tell her that you felt pretty anxious at the prospect of how hard you had to work to get the money together. She assured you that she was keen so you got on with the task, despite its difficulty. How hard can going on a school trip be?
Don’t bother the school/lead teacher. If you don’t know why your daughter has changed her mind she chances are the school won’t, either.

The options are she goes or pays you back the full amount. I'd be fuming, that's a lot of money and you have made sacrifices for her to go and for her to just turn round and say 'nah, don't fancy it anymore'. Not on. Would be full birthday money going straight to you and Christmas money plus chores!

Spot on.

Honestly your consequences sound reasonable and as long as she is fully aware of them she is old enough to decide. Make sure you follow through tho if she doesn't go.

What if you'd told her at the outset that you might be able to afford it with extra shifts, but you couldn't be bothered? She'd be outraged and hurt.

You've worked the extra shifts and now she's the one who can't be bothered.

Explain this to her and ask her if she now understands why her flippant change of heart is hurtful to you, and that to show respect for your extra shifts, she is absolutely going on the trip.

End of.

(Lucky girl, your DH.)

Give her the option, she either goes or you have the money back by whatever means which includes taking any money she gets for birthdays or Christmas and any job she gets when she's old enough to be employed. She needs to learn the value of money and how hard you have worked to pay for it.

You are not being unreasonable. Unfortunately your daughter has behaved like an entitled brat and she needs to learn that SHE is being unreasonable and unfair, expecting you to work extra shifts for something she appears to have dismissed as if it were nothing. She needs to learn the impact her decisions and choices have on others, and on her too. A bit of tough love required I think!

She's 13. You're the boss. She's going on the trip.

So @TheGreyPeer has not been on the thread for 24 hours 😃😃