Taking my daughters birthday money if she doesn’t go on her trip?

telling a kid who is rude or. ungrateful will. not get you th result you want

I am really surprised by how combative so many of these replies are

Unless she has genuine anxiety about it, I would talk to her seriously about how rude and spoilt it is for her to have begged for this, watched you work however many extra hours you have worked, and then break her word because she can't be arsed. She needs to think about how that will have left you feeling after working so hard to ensure her happiness. I'm not into guilt trips generally but she needs to have some empathy at this point.

You can't force her to go. Carrying her to the car and school site would be tricky....

What else is worrying her about the trip? Toilets, food, friendships, travel, activities? Try and establish that and let the teachers know so they can support her.

Well I wouldn't be entertaining I don't want to without a reason then talking to the trip organisers, then I'd be just getting her orgasing her to get packed etc . She committed she's almost 14 she needs to stop being petulant and just go.

thanks for that tip

@TheExclusiveSandwich you don't need to quote the OP.

Agreed , but hard.

Just sounds like nerves. She needs to go.

I would send her. She wanted to and you worked extra to send her. So, she goes.

my god everyone CALM THE FucK DOWN

she doesn't need to manhandle her on the coach. Just a little bit of a chat and work with her and school

Christ

YANBU!

As she put up such a huge fuss about going, and you've had to put in so many extra hours to pay for it, then either she goes or she pays you back.

The reality is that if she goes, then she will have an amazing time. My son went on a school trip (Y7 to Y12) when he was in Y7, and was really apprehensive about going, I pretty much said the same that if he changed his mind, he'd have to pay me back the money. He went in the end, had the most amazing time, and immediately asked to go next year too!

That since the OPs daughter is worried its too intense, it might not be as intense as she thinks. I.e. more enjoyable!

Well you can't force her to go since it's not appropriate to physically manhandle her. I'd give her the choice. Either she can go or she can pay back the money, and every penny of birthday money and any other money she gets is immediately taken from her until it is paid back. I'm normally a soft touch but there comes a point when they have to learn consequences.

Presumably she can watch her friends having fun for some of the activities. Yes it's not beaches but she doesn't have to do them all.

Tell her it's not an option at this point to back out. I wouldn't be entertaining her reasons for changing her mind. She's committed and that's that!

Not going because "it's not my thing" when she begged to go would make me really cross. How long is the trip? I'd expect her to suck it up - the activities may not be her thing, but there will still be the travel, meals, downtime etc of hanging out with friends.
If you're kinder than me, you could give her the choice - suck it up or pay you back.
Not going with no real reason when I'd stretched financially to send her and there being no consequences for her would not be an option.

That’s utterly brutal. I don’t think I could treat any child like this never mind my own. But hey if you need or want the money.

It’s about a child learning you can’t spend £500+ on something and then decide you don’t want to go. It’s a lot of money and hard work on her mums part. I’d be sending her too, it’s all organised and a week is too short notice for someone else to take her place.

It will be fine - she is just nervous

No need to take money or threaten is

give school a call and ask for some advice

She goes on the trip. It does sound like she's really calling the shots.

It’s also likely that the trip was oversubscribed so in addition to the detriment to you she’d have taken a space.

I would just refuse to entertain the idea of not going now. If she is particularly worried about an activity talk to the staff. She won't be forced into doing anything. However she made a commitment and you have worked hard.

I’d strongly encourage her to go, as she had other friends going and probably will enjoy it.

However, if she really was against going, I wouldn’t force her and I wouldn’t have taken birthday money from my children.

Fingers crossed she’ll change her mind.

I too would make her go. Her stated reasons for not going are crap! The types of activity were easily foreseeable. She shouldn’t have wasted your money in this way.

If you decide on the repayment option, wouldn’t ‘knock off’ any of it with chores and ‘make work’. Payment in cash or deductions from things you’d otherwise have paid for.

I'd listen to her worried and explain she's just nervous everything will be fine get the teacher to talk it through etc. But she would go unless s very good reason.

Even setting the money thing to one side - changing her mind would not be an option if it were my DD unless there was a really good reason why. The trip will have been planned, rooms allocated etc, for the kids who've signed up. If someone drops out now it will mess everything up, and frankly shouldn't even be up for discussion.