Taking my daughters birthday money if she doesn’t go on her trip?

How did this turn out OP? Did you make her go?

Yes I'm another one who thinks is beneficial for kids (and adults) to be pushed out of their comfort zones from time to time. (And I'm a lot younger than 50 🤣)
At 13 it's very important to learn about things like honoring your commitments, growing your personal resilience, the value of money, gratitude for others generosity and hard work, etc.

It's good to try new things, learn new skills, push yourself a bit. We all get nervous sometimes and the way to overcome that is to DO the hard thing.

So yes I'd also make her go. And ultimately, she'll have a blast!

I would love to know too!

@TheGreyPeer Did she go?

I pulled out of a couple of residentials as a kid because of anxiety (although I almost certainly would have said something like I didn't like the activities!). I wish I'd been encouraged and reassured about going, I'm sure it would have done so much for my self-confidence to have taken part. Forcing me to go maybe would have have helped my resilience if I ended up enjoying the trip, but would have done exactly the opposite if I didn't. Forcing a child to take part without the encouragement could backfire if anxiety or low self-confidence is the issue. And YANBU for expecting to be paid back - I liked what a PP said about is it worth £550 of her money not to go? Gives perspective which is often a bit scarce in 13 YOs....

I was referring to MY comment not general usage. I understand the language that accompanies gender stereotypes, my point was not related to that. I would have said the same referring to a son/father, son/mother, It was in the CONTEXT of the OP query. I was suggesting the mother should support and be kind to her daughter at a time her daughter was finding difficulties . You have put a different spin onto it and changed the context.
I thought the point of the forum was for the poster to collect opinions and make their decisions, not a forum to be attacked for opinions.

I’m not sure why you think I’m enraged. I couldn’t be further from enraged. I disagree with your viewpoint and think it’s nonsensical and you don’t seem comfortable with being challenged on it but if I had any sort of feeling it’s mild bemusement at your reaction.

Those were not the words/symbols I was referring to.
I am not offended merely surprised my opinion should enrage you so much

If you’re offended by ‘claptrap’ and clapping hands then I fear mumsnet is not for you. I’m not sure where is for you given that limited perspective but that’s for you to worry about.

You seem to be under the impression that the purpose of these threads is to comment on the opinions of others and rubbish them.
I-thought the purpose was for a variety of opinions to be sought so the original poster can make up their own minds.
I took issue with your vocabulary not your pov.
My pov seems to enrage you.
please be respectful is one of the guidelines of Mumsnet.

You seem to be under the impression that I care about whether I am perceived as classy.

The truth of the matter is, the Be Kind bollocks is detrimental to women and girls, because a lot of the time, being kind DOES cost us. Be kind is often used in place of the less palatable, but probably more accurate ‘just let them have what they/we want’.

By accusing someone of being unkind because they haven’t let someone else have their own way, is manipulative rubbish.

More classy comment.
its not peddled to girls and women.Its for everyone.
Nothing wrong with resilience, but OP asked for advice. I gave mine.
I was not rude nor used unacceptable language to rubbish others opinions

Nothing wrong with that. But not forcing them as some have suggested. Which is what I was reacting to.

Part of “being kind” is gently pointing out a child’s capabilities and supporting them to do
hard things.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Ongoing lifelong pressure to do more than you're capable of is not the same as a parent insisting that you should stick to a commitment of an opportunity that you requested and watched someone else work hard for.

Or how about "in a world where you can be anything, be more fucking resilient"

"Be kind" is bullshit peddled to girls and women encouraging them to be a pushover and people pleasers.

Be kind to your child by making them stand up to commitments, try something new, understand that a loving adult worked extra hours in order to give you opportunities you requested and accept that sometimes we have to just be more resilient and adaptable in life if we want to go on without being a anxiety ridden, scared of anything slightly unknown, people pleaser.

Very classy.

Well I wanted to say bollocks but I thought that was even less polite.

Claptrap……
very profound

It definitely sounds like a normal wobble. Being a parent is supporting them through this. Saying don’t fancy it ok don’t go isn’t doing her any favours long term.
Talk. Explain it’s normal to feel uncertain before trying something new. Nerves/butterflies in tummy are normal. Empathise.
Talk about strategies that would help eg Talk to teacher and see who else going. Check re arrangements for rooms and activities.
Is the centre on YouTube or could she talk to a girl further up school who has been on trip.
Would a shopping trip for some new walking boots make her feel more confident.
Teens often talk best in car or at midnight. Hopefully she’ll talk and you can get her feeling comfortable going.

Pressurising is different than pushing and encouraging though. Often teenagers need that to get out of their comfort zone and to build resilience. Noone is advising op to bully her into it, but sitting back and saying oh that's fine isn't really helping her dd either. There's a careful balance op needs to find. And it seems like her dd is clearly saying she just doesn't fancy it and doesn't want to do the activities than she is anxious and might not cope, especially since she's done similar things previously and been fine unless I've missed something on the thread.

Ugh. What a load of claptrap. We do children absolutely no favours by not encouraging them to stick to commitments or allowing them to duck out if they’re worried something will be a little bit hard.

As a teacher also I have seen devastating effects of pressurising adolescents. Side of caution ia always preferable.