Been with DP for 9 years and engaged to be married.
I’m not a smoker although in my younger days I would have had the occasional cigarette when having a drink. My partner hates smoking - he thinks it is disgusting hates the smell etc and always comments when people around him smoke. He said if I was still a “social smoker” now then he wouldn’t be with me.
Last night my friend who smokes came to stay for the evening - he can’t help himself but make comments about her smoking and I just think “oh stop it, let people do their own thing”. She was nipping outside every so often for a cigarette then coming back in.
Later in the evening after a few drinks I popped outside to chat with her and had a few drags of her cigarette. I wouldn’t normally do this (the last time was maybe a couple of years ago) but after a few Proseccos I fancied it.
We come back inside the house and he came straight towards me and lent into my face and sniffed me - like he was waiting to catch me out. He kicked off saying “I knew it!” etc and how I had broken his trust. How disgusting it was and why would I do that etc etc. I was really taken aback like WTF - he was waiting to catch me out. We had an argument and I said if I wanted to have a few drags off a cigarette as a one-off then that was up to me and that he was massively over-reacting. His reaction was as though I’d cheated on him! This morning he wouldn’t speak to me walking past me glaring at me like I’ve committed a hideous crime and making it awkward with our guests.
so AIBU or is he?
YABU - your partner is right to be this annoyed and you should never ever touch a cigarette if he feels this way.
YANBU - your partner has completely over-reacted