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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend is exceptionally tight!

87 replies

seeitthroughmyeyes · 14/04/2024 10:18

Have a friend who has ALWAYS been tight with money.
Me and my other friend constantly, and I mean constantly buy rounds, food, cover her £2.50 if she's having a soft drink etc and she never ever offers to pay us back or even say THANK YOU, even if it's just £2.50, a thank you will still be appreciated.

I've bought her so many drinks/food in the past and in the 10 years I've known her, she has never returned the favour, I have to mention to her she owes me a drink! Then sometimes, she will buy it but it has to be asked for. Considering she still lives at home rent free at the ripe old age of 28, I have a mortgage, crippling bills but still offer to help others out, ALWAYS.
She saves over £600 a month, YES, £600 and will moan she doesn't have the money to do this or that as she hasn't budgeted for it. It's always a game of what can she afford and not afford.
I'm maybe a bit too generous but it is starting to wind me the fuck up.

Anyway, I'm assuming I'm not being unreasonable. Does anyone else have people like this?!

OP posts:
PoppyCherryDog · 14/04/2024 15:14

I don’t think this is her being tight with money it’s more just her taking the piss!

Her being tight would be suggesting cheaper activities for socialising because she’s saving money etc. or ordering a main course when you have a three course meal, whereas here it sounds like she just takes the piss and expects you to pay.

Luxell934 · 14/04/2024 15:11

Just pay for your own stuff. Job done.

NewName24 · 14/04/2024 15:09

Well, YABU for enabling her to not pay her way.
You say this has been going on for 10 years Hmm
Why wouldn't you say 'Your round'. Or 'Are we splitting this 50:50 or each paying for what we've had?'

mondaytosunday · 14/04/2024 15:07

Go out a lot as a group. Everyone just pays for themselves as some will just have a coffee, some will have a meal (we are usually meeting breakfast time), some will have a tea cake...it's never a problem and if it happens that someone forgot their wallet (rarely) they are always good to pay next time.
The only person I don't do this with is very generous so I know if I pay one time for lunch she'll pay the next, and she always pays for her wine as she knows she drinks twice as much as everyone else.
So next time, just tell the waitress that you want separate checks. Or tell your friend 'oh must be your turn to pay this time'. If she says no money then say 'me neither! I'll just order for myself then' and smile.

QueenBitch666 · 14/04/2024 15:06

You're a mug. Just stop. Simple

Calliopespa · 14/04/2024 14:54

I’m generally not quick to opt for in your face interaction but this one requires an ostensibly light-hearted: “ I think it’s x’s turn to buy a round. She always seems to manage to evade it.”

Then a Paddington hard stare.

Make sure you with other friends in advance that noone will step in to offer.

pootlin · 14/04/2024 14:48

I had so called friends like this but refused to subsidise them, so some of the friendships petered out very quickly but others continued with boundaries.

I believe in fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

So if I treated a friend to a coffee and she didn’t offer me next time, then I just paid for myself next time and make her pay for her own.

Stop trying to model generosity to skinflints, it doesn’t work. Pay for yourself.

You can also manage this by taking cash with you in the form of pound coins and fivers. That way you never pay a penny more than you owe.

Bloom15 · 14/04/2024 14:41

I wouldn't go out with her Avon and would end the friendship - she is treating you like a mug. Being tight is very unattractive

trekking1 · 14/04/2024 14:37

Stop buying her drinks and food? You have no one to blame here other than yourself, you're willingly being a mug!

fieldsofbutterflies · 14/04/2024 14:30

You're not being kind or generous, you're being an idiot. Stop it.

Therealjudgejudy · 14/04/2024 14:29

Umm...stop paying for her maybe 🤔

BMW6 · 14/04/2024 14:18

Well more fool you OP!

People will only be able to use you if you allow it.

LadyIrony · 14/04/2024 14:16

Sparklfairy · 14/04/2024 10:30

I'm maybe a bit too generous but it is starting to wind me the fuck up.

Well it only took you 10 years!!

Presumably she counts her £600/mth savings as part of her budget and has got into the thinking that this is non-negotiable. So really, by subsidising her when she socialises, you're actually putting money into her savings for her.

Just stop and say money is tight for you, and you can't afford to pay for two people on a night out.

I had a friend who was in tears as she was unable to buy groceries for her family (post relationship breakup, living in temp accom etc. Was getting back on her feet). Our friendship group (some also struggling financially) had a whip-round and pulled together £100 and I paid another £100 on top. We'd been paying for her coffees for months.

About half an hour later she got up and headed off to have a tattoo done - £250 quid. I think she'd budgeted in her head to allow for that, and then didn't have enough to feed her family.

Obviously I no longer do any financial favours for her.

Fraaahnces · 14/04/2024 13:57

Just stop. Problem solved. If she asks, tell her that in the name of friendship, you have chosen to stop paying for her because you have decided to not allow yourself to become resentful.

VivX · 14/04/2024 13:54

Good grief, how have you let this go on for 10 years!

I mean this gently - just stop being a mug.

Anyway, in answer to your question, "does anyone else have people like this?" No, because that's a ridiculous situation.

needsomewarmsunshine · 14/04/2024 13:54

She's been doing this the 10 years you've known her and yet you still let her get away with it?
She not a friend, just a cfer.

Princessfluffy · 14/04/2024 13:50

Maybe drop this friend. It's disrespectful to financially exploit someone.

dudsville · 14/04/2024 13:26

You are getting angry at her for the way she's treating you, but you keep repeating your part in that dynamic.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/04/2024 13:22

seeitthroughmyeyes · 14/04/2024 10:18

Have a friend who has ALWAYS been tight with money.
Me and my other friend constantly, and I mean constantly buy rounds, food, cover her £2.50 if she's having a soft drink etc and she never ever offers to pay us back or even say THANK YOU, even if it's just £2.50, a thank you will still be appreciated.

I've bought her so many drinks/food in the past and in the 10 years I've known her, she has never returned the favour, I have to mention to her she owes me a drink! Then sometimes, she will buy it but it has to be asked for. Considering she still lives at home rent free at the ripe old age of 28, I have a mortgage, crippling bills but still offer to help others out, ALWAYS.
She saves over £600 a month, YES, £600 and will moan she doesn't have the money to do this or that as she hasn't budgeted for it. It's always a game of what can she afford and not afford.
I'm maybe a bit too generous but it is starting to wind me the fuck up.

Anyway, I'm assuming I'm not being unreasonable. Does anyone else have people like this?!

Stop buying her drinks?

Hobnobswantshernameback · 14/04/2024 13:17

Well there's one stupid person in this scenario...

kitsuneghost · 14/04/2024 13:16

I would be even harsher. Buy a round for you and paying friend snd nothing for CF friend. You and other friend can be in a kitty, CF friend can get her own.

BeaLola · 14/04/2024 13:06

Just go out with the other friend who pays and no longer invite tight friend

Angelsrose · 14/04/2024 12:59

Stop this madness. Your friend can pay but won't. Don't put yourself into debt for her.

inthekyoo · 14/04/2024 12:55

This is your own fault, and your fault only.

Alwaysalwayscold · 14/04/2024 12:49

Anyway, I'm assuming I'm not being unreasonable

Wrong. You very much are unreasonable for doing this for 10 years instead of opening your mouth and saying something.

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