Friend is exceptionally tight!

Daft to be friends with someone like this

Wow no way would I tolerate this!!

So embarrassing! At least he showed you his true colours immediately

I would say 'who's in these rounds or not in these rounds' before going to the bar- then people who don't want 3+ drinks can opt out and she'll actually need to verbally commit to being in it

We have a friend like this and she's just paid her mortgage off with the savings 😂 (late 30s)

Yes, I like this approach!

This!!! ⬆️⬆️⬆️

Just pay for your own things. It’s much more straightforward.

being frugal and budgeting smartly are good traits. She shouldn’t expect you to subsidize her though.

Your mortgage is neither here nor there

It's good to be careful with money, but VU to sponge off people. I'd suggest meeting for a walk / your house

Well yes she's right but also a CF! I'm not sure why you have continued to pay for her all this time even after she doesn't say thank you. That's a bit strange too. What was your reasoning?

Just stop doing it and pay for your own stuff.

Another who had a friend like this. So tight she squeaked when she walked but had the money to get a brand new, top spec car every 2 years. Never so much as offered to buy a coffee after I drove her for days out (I drove as I would take my dogs in my car), no money for parking or petrol and I usually bought us a drink which she’d not offer any money for and then not return the favour so cue us sitting for ages with empty glasses until it was time to leave!
I decided not to reach out to make an effort with her anymore so haven’t heard from the CF since Christmas. Well rid!

My DH has a female friend like this.
its part of his uni set he is in his 30s now.

all of them have put up with it for years. Not one has ever said anything to her!?!

i find it crazy and i wont socialise with her anymore. She took a tip i left off a table once - it’s just embarrassing and unacceptable behaviour.

I have a tight friend. We don't do rounds! Pay individually wherever possible.
Also reminders of whose turn it is to give lifts.

Have you tried totting up the cost of drinks after the night out and asking her for a bank transfer to cover her share ??

Hate meanness. My friend does it. Same in costa recently dithering near the till. I flew ahead lol. I know people say oh its only few euros thats not the point. I dont do cinema or things with her.

I notice you mention she says she hasn’t ’budgeted for’ drinks, meals etc. So she does have the money, but just hasn’t allocated it for a night out… .

You do realise that in a year or two time, she’ll buy a house with a huge deposit as she’s been saving whilst living at home (and by you subsidising her lifestyle).

I see so many posts like this on MN and the OP coming on to ask if she's BU.

The answer is almost always no, YANBU.

However, rather than come on and ask, if it's pissing you off, just stop. Totally stop doing it. It really isn't difficult.

You'll also then find out whether or not this person is a real friend.

Sorry to say that you are contributing to her behaviour by paying all the time. You’re actually letting her get away with it.

From now onwards start getting tough. Don’t step in and pay. When she hesitates to get her phone or card out , wait. Very few people go
out without their card or phone (Apple Pay etc).

It’s not just tight, it’s mean, my DH is tight as in he’d drink tap water in a restaurant for no other reason than it’s cheaper than a fizzy drink, but if someone bought him a drink he’d make sure to buy them one back.

I think most of us have known people like this, but not for ten years. You either retrain them or drop them.

She sounds like she hasn’t grown up and sees her money as pocket money to be preserved as savings while other people stump up for the boring stuff, she’s probably never parted with all her money to pay the bills. If you want someone to change their behaviour first change yours, just pay for your own or ask to have the bill split into three. If she doesn’t like it she can stay at home and count her money. I agree with @pootlin, don’t try and model generosity as she clearly has chosen to ignore gentle attempts.

I also have a friend like this, I've stopped going in rounds with her on nights out and buy my own drinks, taxis are a particular nightmare because she never carries cash!

She's a CF but you are a mug. To get her to stop is actually easy, you simply stop inviting her to places. If she invites you then you call her out on it before you go. Tell her that she is unbelievably tight and you've been subsidising her for years and it's no longer OK. If she falls out with you then so be it.

It's down to you how you handle this. I'd go and get myself a drink and sit down. There's no need to go rounds at all. If she doesn't want to buy food/drink that's fine, she won't starve.

BTW this doesn't happen to me. I'm generous with my friends but I don't like being treated as a mug so I make sure I'm not. I'm not embarrassed to discuss how we are paying for things with my friends. It makes life easier and becomes normal.

Why is this even a dilemma? You know the score and have done for the last 10 years 🤦🏻‍♀️ If you want the situation to change then change it. All you have to do is stop paying for her or ask her for the money back.