To be woken up to clean?

If he makes little effort with your DS while living in the same house, that is more damaging to your DS than an absent father is.

He is also a very poor role model, showing disrespect to you, probably women in general.

As pp said an abusive relationship is about control.
Not all abusive relationships involve violence.

Please look up The Freedom Programme.
https://freedomprogramme.co.uk/sample-online/home.php

I know you are right. I have this internal war that's been going on for what seems like forever. Unfortunately, I think a lot of people are in the same boat. Maybe time to start saving what I can.

@SunshinenSparkles If he makes zero effort with your son now, then your son isn't benefiting from being in the same house as his father. Living under the same roof isn't enough to create a strong relationship.

A partner doesn't need to be physically aggressive to be abusive. If he is controlling, then that's abusive.

Besides, you don't need to be in an abusive relationship to leave someone. If he is neglectful, uncaring and brings nothing to the relationship, then those are very good reasons for leaving him or for kicking him out.

I have wondered sometimes but he isn't violent, just very disrespectful and uncaring. He does a great job of pretending to the outside world that he is wonderful. I've been chronically depressed and suffering anxiety for years and I keep telling myself that I will make changes. I hope someday, I'll have the courage. I worry that if we split, he wouldn't make the effort to see our son. I don't want to separate him from his dad. He makes zero effort with him as it is so I worry that my son would basically lose his dad and should wait until he is older.

I can’t believe you actually went to clean up the dog sick.
I also can’t believe you’re willingly engaging in a relationship with this fool.

How?

Yet another childish, spoilt, selfish, pathetic horrible man. No wonder the statistics show that unmarried women are the happiest.

@SunshinenSparkles
So you’re in an abusive relationship too.

Speak to Women’s Aid for support and get rid of him. You’ll be better off without having him loafing around the place.

Just you and your little cat will be bliss !

"He Never hesitates to wake me up over absolutely anything."

Whoah! Sleep deprivation is a known method of torture. T O R T U R E.

So glad to read that you are making plans with professional help. May your plans come to fruition speedily and straightforwardly.

Smart girl! Good luck to ya!

Sorry, I've just read your updates.

Please push forwards with your plan to get away from this man as soon as you possibly can.

This.

I don't understand why you didn't just tell him to clean it up himself, and go back to sleep.

Your passivity in this is worrying.

In the words of the Grange Hill cast 'Just say NO'.

Honestly, why women stay with men who are basically human garbage is something I'll never understand

I honestly don't know why you're in this relationship.

Just where is your sense of self-worth?

What would happen if you didn't get up and clean up the dog sick?

The correct response to "I don't know how you can clean that up." is
"I think the words you are looking for are Thank You." and leaving the job unfinished.

The correct response to someone waking you up at 1am to clean up dog sick is "Well, go do your best. I'll take a look at it in the morning."

And the absolute correct response to realising you're living with an arsehole is to end the relationship.

Your children don't need a role model like that or to see mum walked on all over by a brat of a boyfriend. You must want them to aim higher when they have relationships??

This is because the very first time he woke you up you got up. I’d have told him to feck off and he would never have asked again.

my d bregrundingly let me get a cat years ago-would never do anyting but also wouldnt wake me up to clean sick

Why did you get up to clean it & not tell him either do it himself or leave it until morning when you can clean it up then? the second isn't the best idea but if he's having to sit in the room where the sick was he might have cleaned it up himself rather than leave it. Next time he's napping wind the kids & dog up so they're noisy & wake him up see how he likes it. Lazy Sod needs reminding you're not at his beck & call to do all the shitty jobs.

It's hardly the dog's fault that her DH is a selfish, lazy, entitled man-child.

Ugh, what an idle fuckwit. Bin him off!

Dogs get icky tummy's just as we do.
OH knows you've not been too well lately yet he was happy to wake you to deal with the dog sick while he lays on his fucking arse watching TV. He can't think that much of you to do that.
Lifes too short to waste time on arseholes like him. Tell him to sling his hook, pronto!

When DS was a baby, I had to sleep on the sofa with the bassinet next to me because the other half said it disturbs his sleep and he has to cut grass the next day. When DS was a few months old and we were back in the bedroom, if DP heard the baby fuss, he would wake me to deal with him.

DP did no nighttime feeds, changes, nothing. This is why we only have one child. I am not doing it again with an unsupportive partner.

When I was pregnant, which was a surprise as I was on the pill, he increased his going out drinking to twice a week as well as his sports. He would wake me up coming in and try to get sex but I lost attraction to be honest.

When my brother was getting married, we were each invited to the stag/hen weekends. The stag went off without a hitch and then when it came time for the hen weekend, I wasn't out the house for 2 hours before my DP arrived at my parent's house with our 3 year old at 12pm. He actually turned up at my dad's expecting what, that he would take him for the weekend? I have no idea but my mum and I were astounded he couldn't last on his own for even half a day.

I feel like joining a woman's commune lol

WTF?

I honestly wouldn't last 5 minutes with these 'men'. My friends DH opts out of anything slightly unsavoury because of his extra special weak stomach 🙄 Never changed a nappy (3 kids!) - never cleaned after the pets....the man doesn't even clean his own shit off the toilet and leaves it caked on!!

I'll never understand it.

My only thought is he must be good in bed for you to put up with this sort of rubbish.

My DP wakes me if he notices the cat has used the littler box during the night so that I can scoop it. He also gets me out of bed to get the cat off the big chest of drawers if he's up there (dunno why him being up there is a problem but hey).

Just today, I was out after school with DS and came home at 6 ish to the cat having not been fed. Apparently it's my cat so he will do nothing for it...even empty a pouch of wet food into a bowl so the cat doesn't have to wait an hour til we get home. The other half was watching youtube on his laptop so was extremely busy.

I would hit the fucking roof if DH did this to me!

He woke me up in 1997 to tell me Princess Diana had died - he's never done it since 😐