To not want to give up my day off?

Are mothers never allowed to struggle or admit that they're struggling?

Of course they are. But I still don't see the misogyny, it's this specific mum's actions (or lack thereof) that are being criticised. It's not misogynistic per se to criticise a mother, or any woman for that matter.

I would stay home with your SS or take him with you. You obviously can’t let him out of your sight. In these circumstances you need to put him first. There will be other days off for coffee.

Tell his mum to take a day off and watch him.

She hasn't been asked to spend the day with her son so we don't know if she is able to.
I think that she should be asked. But your posts are coming across like 'make the mother do it' even though you don't know if she is able to do it at the moment. No one would be saying that if it was the father. But when it's mothers it's like 'make her'. As I said earlier on the thread I can see why women go missing!!

Also I don't think it works like that anyway, I'm in Ireland and know a couple of families where some of the kids went to respite foster care while the others remained at home. Presumably it's the same in the UK.

You are 'just' the step mum but in this circumstance DSS doesn't want to stay with his mum and whilst it is your dh's responsibility he has made a life with you as partners and has asked a favour as a one off. As someone who lost somebody to suicide, not much older than your dss please do whatever you can to help. It destroys lives. It almost destroyed mine.

@justbecool25 how is your DSS at the moment OP?

@kkloo

Can you give me the details of these hospitals that people get to go to when they're overwhelmed, struggling to cope and need a break please?
If the mother is so beyond functioning that she can't spend a day with her son then she is clearly not in any fit state ti parent her other dc. Perhaps SS needs to be contacted on their behalf

in these particular circumstances, I would stay with your stepson.

It is hard to forego your day with your friend, but I am afraid this comes with the territory of being part of a family. You will find umpteen people giving up treats in order to support a friend of family member.

Or invite the kids mum around to parent her child

This 100% !!! I would gladly would miss a coffee for a potentially suicidal teenager I didn’t know let alone my step son. I hope he never finds out how little he means to you. He needs support not to be considered a nuisance.

And if he kills himself whilst you're out having coffee how would you feel? It's one day, just invite your friend round.

You're very unreasonable, could you live with yourself if something happened to this lad while you are enjoying your coffee, you can make alternative plan.

If it was a regular thing (ie you were off a Monday every week and you were being asked to lose that) I would be inclined to say no you’re not being unreasonable
but honestly (and I say this gently) in this one off instance I think you are being a little unreasonable

I mean realistically if SS was left alone and anything unthinkable happened would you ever be able to live with yourself knowing you may have prevented it - would your DH???

Its a really difficult circumstance though OP and you’re in a really tough position, I’m sorry and hope your SS can get the help he needs

The misogyny is the bit where she said the mother has washed her hands of her son, when all the OP has said is that the child went to live with them a month ago because the mum said she can't cope with him struggling.....and considering the son has been struggling for 3 years then I would imagine it has been deeply overwhelming and stressful.
The poor woman was probably at the point of breakdown.
Are mothers never allowed to struggle or admit that they're struggling?
If a mother is unable to cope and asks the other parent to step up then does that mean she's washing her hands of her child.

Why can't you partner just ask work if it's OK to bring his son in, it's just one day, I'm sure they won't mind and would give him the chance to properly see what his dad does for a living!

He is your partner’s child.

Exactly. He and the boy's mother should be ensuring appropriate care is in place. OP is already helping as much as she can (and she did say she would probably cancel her plans btw) and deserves some respite.

Yes IMO you are being unreasonable. Coffee and shopping with friends will always be there, your stepson may not be if he is genuinely suicidal. He is your partner’s child. He and his welfare should be a priority for you.

How on earth is it misogynistic to suggest a father should step up for his own son?

Can his mother not help? You will never be able to live with yourself if anything happened to him.

@justbecool25

How are you doing today OP? 🌹

Are you answering the question of what happened today or saying that this post is misogynistic ?

More misogyny.

What his father actually needs to have done (I guess it's today?) was to have spoken with his manager and informed them his son is in crisis and threatening to kill himself, his ex wife has washed her hands of her own son, and he needs compassionate leave to support him.

OP, what happened today?

OP are you actually the boys SM or are you simply his Dad's Girlfriend?
Because there is a very big difference.

If the former I think when you married a person knowing their is a DC involved you do have to take on a certain amount of thought that there may come a time that the DC may be more prominent in your lives, not to be taken for a push over though.

If the latter....IMO it's really not your responsibility.

There must be hundreds of Boyfriend/Girlfriend relationships out there where one/both have DC and no matter whether you've been in that relationship a week, a month or years that doesn't by any means automatically make you a child's Step mother/father.