To not want to give up my day off?

I’m not talking physically. Emotionally, as in the role of stepmum to a suicidal teen. Nurses and teachers get to go home of an evening. This lad is living in her home.

Bollocks.

Teachers. Nurses. They are responsible for 16 year-olds.

How old are you op? I note 25 in your username. I hope it’s not your age as that is too young to be responsible for a 16 year old.

And it’s only football every Saturday whilst op looks after her dss. Op needs down time too. Another solution should be sought even if the boy’s mum isn’t an option.

One is a responsibility that pays the bills. The other is a coffee with a friend.

if you can’t see the difference between those priorities, I’m baffled.

A couple of posters on this thread are really giving me the creeps. It’s always shocking when people happily out themselves as cold, selfish, horrible humans.

OP send me your address. I’ll come and sit with the boy whilst you grab your coffee. I actually give a fuck about people.

If the boy is threatening to kill himself, keep him talking. Talking is not doing. I’m so happy he’s talking.

My sister walked home from school one day at lunchtime and just did it. She didn’t tell anyone, she never threatened to do do it.
With a rope.

Same with my dad. With a gun.

But I think if this boy needs someone to stay with him in order to keep him safe, he’s in need of hospitalization and intense psychiatric treatment.

I can’t comment on whether that’s worth missing a coffee over, but I will comment that the boy’s parents should put him in the car and get him to the doctor first thing tomorrow.

Can't believe some of these responses.

A 16 year old family member is in real need but people think that coffee is more important, or that OP should be resentful.

Dear God.

Really?

Even when she 'loves and cares about' DSS? But she declares her coffee is more important than her safety?

Perhaps his own mother should do it? I get he lives with you and his dad now but that doesn't absolve his mum of responsibility.

Why are you on a forum that supports women to bash women ? We are all here to get and give support. You can make your point without stooping so low to name calling.
And by the way OP.. you are obviously a caring person because you made the post to check in with others .. if you didn't care you wouldn't have bothered.

If you use your day off to look after your stepson, i’d also be asking your DP:

-What would he have done had you gone to work that day?
-When do you get a day off for yourself?
-If SS really needs to be watched 24/7, surely he needs professional intervention eg to be sectioned?

No parent signs up to monitor a suicidal teenager, no more than someone signing up to be a step mum does. You just have to go with the flow.

Before you go all militant step mum on me…this post was about your comments. I have already commented to the OP that I think she needs to take care of herself too. Everybody in this situation needs to take care of themselves and each other.

No need to mock kindness by calling people martyrs. Thankfully most people wouldn’t feel put upon if asked to help in this situation.

I think previous comments are extremely harsh.

Firstly the dad gets time EVERY Saturday whilst OP looks after his son. Did he cancel any football OP so that you could possibly rearrange your coffee?

OP also deserves a break too. The dad should be asking the child's mum and yes he should be asking his own mum if she can help out.

Why does the dad deserve a break but the step mum does not??

If there was absolutely no one else who could keep an eye on the son, then yes OP would have to rearrange. You're not unreasonable to want to go for a coffee at all. What would dad do if he didn't have you?

Oh my - some of these posters are harsh.

I don't think people on here are really thinking though what suicidal teens are like. Are you literally sitting in the same room 24/7? Does the teen not have any time alone?

I think you should go for the coffee but not the whole day. Tell your OH you need a deserved break - if he needs your son 'occupied for that time - he or his Ex need to step up - or his mum..

You need 'down time too' .. if you want the relationship to last

Under the care of CAHMS. So underfunded and stretched that there is so little care available as to be meaningless, if any at all.

Is the child still receiving care/ help from a medical professional on a regular basis ?
If not, why not ?

I would ask his mother first

DH needs a break to avoid burnout himself.

I have experience of this with my DH and the constant worry of whether they will make it through the day is exhausting. I’m five years in now and can judge when we have low days, suicidal ideation days and when we are in the ‘danger zone’. So I do get down time from it but I always have to be alert to the changes in mood, behaviour, dress, voice etc…

My point is that it really does take a village to care for someone who is chronically suicidal. If he’s anything like me, DH will only be able to relax when he has his DS safe at home or in the care of people he trusts. Depending on his relationship with his son’s mum, he may not trust her. Particularly if the relationship with DS was difficult before he moved out. She may be in the ‘trigger’ camp now.

I agree it's mum and dad's responsibility first but for the love of God this is a suicidal child.

Even if this was a stranger I would feel compelled to help in these circumstances. Let alone the child of someone I was married to and claimed to care for.

I cannot understand the mindset of a person who would prioritise a coffee. I couldn't be friends with someone like that nevermind married to them.

It’s what he and his ex signed up to as parents. OP works full time too, she didn’t sign up to monitor a 16yo for years. That’s the job of the mum and dad.

Dad doesn’t seem to have a good reason why mum can’t spend time with her son.

How on earth is Dad getting a free pass when he stays with him every night...works from home...and doesn't let him out of his sight?

Poor bloke must be exhausted.

It’s not just a coffee though is it? First it was every Saturday. Now it’s encroaching into OP’s annual leave and when she has planned to meet a friend. Whilst the actual mum and dad are getting a free pass.

It's a coffee versus potentially a child's life.

I've been shocked at the attitude of some step mums before on here but this is a whole new low.

Actually makes me despair for mankind.

I wouldn’t risk leaving him alone in your shoes. You probably need a break with all this worry though. Could you invite your friend over? Or could Dad invite someone to sit (mum, gran etc) while you go out?

Presumably he needs to work to keep a roof over his son's head