To have zero issues with other school gate mums?

our school isn't like that you have to come inside the playground and wait for your children's class to come out and then the teacher sends your child over to you, the classes can take a while to come out sometimes so there is a lot of hanging around especially those with more than one child to collect.

I wasn't expecting to make friends. I also wasn't expecting threats of violence and attempts at getting my kid kicked out of school.

@FlowersInAFlowerBed no they don’t send them out to the car but i walk up to the gate…say hello and my child walks towards me…and we leave. Job done. No one “hangs around”

I agree with you. People do not start a new job expecting to be best friends with everyone by the end of the week. Any friendship has to happen organically and not forced. Not sure why there is an assumption that friendships with other school parents will be any different.

Also agree that those who think there is a problem ARE the problem. When my ds2 started in reception there was another mum who was intimidated by those of us who already had school mum friends, yes because we had older children 🙄 but she was the one who has caused issues in WhatsApp groups and with individuals several times in the last 18 months.

People are not "bitchy" or "cliquey" because they want to talk to their friends. Some people click, others don't, that's life.

If it’s any consolation I find this is really common. ♥️

I just don’t care enough for any issues to exist. School parents get a nod or maybe a smile of our kids are friends that’s about it. I have a couple of their numbers from previous party invites so will occasionally arrange play dates in half terms but don’t get involved in anything beyond that.

I have 2 DD and both have been different.
For the oldest, the parents in the playground were awful. But it was fed by a few which caused issues for many.
My youngest DD was 2 years below and the same issues weren't present.
There were very few parents with 2 children across those 2 years luckily.
It's also made a big difference in friendship groups.
They also moved to a bigger junior school and the same prevailed in both instances.
I think it's luck of the draw and only takes one or 2 people to turn it sour.

I read that the mums who don’t know about the clique ARE the clique. 😂😉 I’ve done the school run for 20 years in 5 schools and I would say each experience has been pretty much the same. The same ‘characters’ even in each setting. Something like an office where you have certain people repeated even in different offices.

There’s always a clipboard queen (in my first school I was her 😂🥴) There’s always a drama queen who latches onto a new victim bi annually. There’s always a couple of properly glamorous mamas. I think people are just people. Sometimes I think the school run can become the straw that broke the camels back for some people who have a lot on or a lot of stress in their everyday lives. That can lead to fallings out i find.

I agree op. Too many women treat it like it’s some sort of validation of their whole self identity. It’s not. It’s just a set of logistics. And if you end up chatting to Jasmine’s mum or Toby’s childminder for the 10 mins you’re waiting then that’s a bonus. People are weird and cliquey in every walk of life, the school run is no different. You just have to not take it so seriously.

How awful 😞 Sorry you had to go through this.

All schools are different here they would not realise the children you come into the playground and collect and the teacher has to see you they wouldn't send children out to cars...

Sorry, completely opposite experience here when my son started school. School runs used to cause me so much anxiety because of certain people. I was not prepared!

I keep myself to myself! Arrive a minute before the bell, drop off and go. Turn up to collect as the classroom door being opened. I have a few good long-time friends so don’t feel the need to try and a make a ‘social thing’ out of it, although I know some people have made friendships via the school gates which is great.

I'm polite and say hello but keep myself to myself . I don't feel i'm like most mums in terms of my hobbies so I just keep my head down and get in and out. I see and hear about drama at the school gates but I'm never witness to any of it. Maybe I just zoom out so far 🤣

The school gate mums were all great in both DDs and DSs years (5 years apart)

Granted there were a couple I wasn't overly keen on, but on the whole they were lovely. I spoke to all of them over the years my kids were at the school.

I've been on nights out with mums from both year groups over the years. No issues at all.

I was at the school gate every day for drop off and pick up, every single day, for both kids, so that probably helped with building relationships.

This whole concept of “school gate mums” is bizarre to me. I pull into the car park , give them kisses and let my kids out. And then I leave…
on collection most ppl just wait in the car and on seeing the classes come out they walk to the gate and meet the kids and walk away. There’s no hanging around…

Totally. I've made loads of friends through school pick ups.....most parents I encounter are lovely and we often end up chatting at the park after school....and drinking alcohol on nights out!

Lucky you. A group of the school mums tried to start a petition to get my SEN four year old kicked out of school.

What was the batshittery!

Yanbu.
But you probably have mums in the class noticing you and your pals saying your are a clique that are excluding them because they're not blonde and thin like you.

@Oohooh

Everyone is on their best behaviour in reception and they are at primary school for a long time.

I didn't have many issues but it's never plain sailing for anyone.

Things such a people's DC not being invited to parties/ who got the lead in the school play/ groups going out and not inviting X and people allowing their true selves to come out, friends falling out and what happens to the friendships etc are all things that I have seen happen a few years in.

Obviously I hope this doesn't happen to you but you'll come across all sorts as they move up the school.

Likewise, only on mn. Everyone I know got on fine with primary mums, no nastiness, an occasional mums night out of drinking, some friendships. With secondary less so, ie meet ups, but no nastiness.

I’m very much the mum that keeps herself to herself, I say hello and smile but I’m not one for a conversation. I do appreciate loads do and that bit of communication some of the mums get during the school run may be the highlight of their day. But that’s not me, without sounding horrible I want to be left alone. I probably am socially anxious/awkward which probably unintentionally comes off as rude but I try to be polite without continuing a conversation

The parents at my daughter's school are all fine. There are a combination of mums, dads, grandparents doing the school run generally. Of course people who are friends tend to group together and chat, but everyone is friendly and polite, luckily. Many are really nice if not people you'd generally be friends with.

It's just luck, I suppose, but I also didn't go in with the objective of making friends - I have those already. I didn't grow up in this town, whereas quite a few have and know each other from school themselves. I've been fortunate enough to make some really lovely friends, but I'm equally at ease standing on my own if I don't happen to see anyone I'm friends with (as does happen some days), just as I'm happy to be on my own commuting to work or queing in a shop.

I’ve found them to be mostly nice but some are genuinely a bit mean. I normally just say a quick hi but one mum kept pointedly blanking me when I said “morning” and now her friends are blanking me too.

No idea what thats about. I went in it really positively because Dd’s nursery was really lovely and the parents were all nice to each other. So it was a bit of a surprise but it does happen unfortunately. It’s not really a problem as such because I have met some lovely people too. But I was a bit surprised that adults behave like that. I wouldn’t have believed it either but there are nice and not so nice people everywhere so not surprising that some of them have children.