Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think doing DIY in the house isn't equal to doing chores?

33 replies

HuckleBuckBerry · 13/04/2024 19:51

My husband and I are at a bit of a stale mate.

I feel like he doesn't do enough in the house and this came to a head the other week.

I essentially do everything at home. We both work 5 days a week but with him working a couple more hours per day than I do.

I make every meal, I do every nursery drop and collect, I do every bath time with DC, put on every wash (inc putting out to dry), wash every plate, hoover every room etc etc.. any daily chore I do.

My husband thinks the fact he is the one who fixes things or does the DIY jobs in the house means he does contribute equally. I disagree. The stuff I do is every single day. The things he's talking about (painting, putting up a shelf, fixing a fence panel in the garden or whatever), is perhaps once a month if that.

Aibu to think doing DIY in the house is not the same as daily chores and it's not a get out for doing them? Nor is working a couple more hours than your spouse.

OP posts:
Echobelly · 13/04/2024 19:55

I agree, making a big effort for a specific task now and then when needed does not = having responsibilities every. single. day. He gets the satisfaction that a task is over when it's over. You know you will have to do these things over and over and they won't even be very satisfying because you won't probably won't get much recognition or probably even any thanks.

Redlarge · 13/04/2024 19:55

Tell him you will cook as often as he does DIY. Same goes for every other job.
Total unequal physical and mental load.

Original poster
HuckleBuckBerry · 13/04/2024 19:55

RandomMess · 13/04/2024 19:53

Do you have equal leisure time? That is what is fair.

Remember to include the mental load, is commute time counted/lunch hours etc etc

No we don't. He does work more than me I appreciate. So I always expected to do more than him at home but not everything. If I'm not in work I'm with DC. Every single night waking, or every single early morning weekend get up I do too.

OP posts:
FlyingPizzaMonkey · 13/04/2024 19:54

Of course it’s not the same. It’s stuff that doesn’t need doing all the time and it falls into the category of doing things you like fixing or doing, rather than cleaning the loo.

WhiteLeopard · 13/04/2024 19:54

Ask him if he wants to swap then?

RandomMess · 13/04/2024 19:53

Do you have equal leisure time? That is what is fair.

Remember to include the mental load, is commute time counted/lunch hours etc etc

MidnightPatrol · 13/04/2024 19:53

No, not that same, as it’s the frequency of the domestic chores that makes them so demanding.

If he’s not doing the chores, he’s probably not really aware of how much time they take.

I’d avise a week away so he can remind himself what managing the home / children looks like.

GingerIsBest · 13/04/2024 19:53

YANBU. You should both be getting roughly equal downtime. So, if he's working more hours, then it's not unreasonable that you are doing more of the day to day chores. But unless you're doing 20 hours a week and he's doing 40, it seems ridiculous that his occasional bit of DIY compensates for you doing all the day to day cooking, childcare, cleaning, meal prep etc.