Living at my boyfriend’s parents is hard. Am I ungrateful?

I think you're getting a very hard time on here. It's difficult to live with other people, let alone your partner's parents. You have my sympathy. Not having a key, not being able to go out to the cinema or theatre or for drinks and come home after 10, having to live with a dog!!!, not being able to cook - these would all be very difficult for me as well.

Hopefully your boyfriend will get a new job soon and between your and his earnings, you can get a new place. In the meantime, are there any compromises which can be made with his parents?

I think that even the most Saint-like patient people who can really understand and display gratitude are challenged when having to live with other people they wouldn’t otherwise live with.

It all sounds very overbearing and as lovely as I’m sure you are I can’t imagine why they’d always want to have tea with you every night!

I think it’s fine for you to say “We are gonna have our own meals from now on a bit later and will contribute to the villa for the extra electric”.

And get a TV for your bedroom! Take it with you when you eventually move out

Having to be home by 10pm at 26 is ridiculous. Is the dog really waking them up or have they just decided that’s when you should be home by?

Why don't you move out on your own for the next 6 months or so? You're not obliged to live with him at his parents.

I don't think op is ungrateful. Just misses her own space. She sounds appreciative of the parents and they do sound lovely. It's only temporary though and will be worth it. I understand when you appreciate your own space and privacy.

I feel lucky that after 4 months I one day could turn around to DP and say “I mean absolutely no offence, but your mum hasn’t stopped talking to me all day and I feel like I’m going mad!” and him no getting huffy with me. He laughed and said “I told you, didn’t I! I’m surprised it took 4 months!”

I was still full of gratitude at this moment of venting and always will be. You can hold multiple thoughts at once. OP is missing the freedom and autonomy of being an adult while also being grateful. Those are normal feelings to have.

You could move out and your boyfriend could stay with you rent and bill free until he finds a job
which is what you are both doing now to his parents
you won’t like it
but seriously, if it’s bothering you that much let him live with his parents, and you move out to your own place and he can come and visit you
if you are going to stay at his parents, you should be offering a contribution at least unless you are both saving to purchase a property or for a rent deposit
it is what it is you are getting free food cooked for you as well -amazing

Has he acknowledged that it's easier for him to live under these conditions because they are his parents?

No one held a gun to her head and forced her to move into her boyfriend's parent's house, and no one is holding her hostage. She has a lot of cheek to be moaning about his parents to him when they are doing both of them an absolutely enormous favour, and from what she's written, she has nothing to be complaining about. If I were sponging off my partners family, living in their home, I would not be expecting to live entirely on my own terms. It's horrible that she is slagging these people off to their son. It's no wonder he's angry with her.

As I wrote before, she knows where the door is. If she's that unhappy she can go about her business and live somewhere else.

But you are staying there because your bf lost the job, and can't pay his share of rent while you can, is that correct? He should not shout at you. It is hard to stay like this even if you are not paying the rent. How long are you both planning to stay here?

I don't like the sound of him at all. do you know anyone at work who's got space in a flat? Sometimes you just have to pay for independence.

If you do move out though I wouldn't see anything of him again. Or perhaps you could look for a job near your parents?

Your feelings are valid op but yohr boyfriend is not the best person to talk to about this!

It is probably hard for them too having you there but for their son's sake are accommodating you.

I love people staying with us but different story when it is longer than a couple of nights!

The entitlement and whinyness in your thread is so overwhelming and yet you are so oblivious to it. You are an adult and have made the choices that have lead to this situation. Yes, you. Alone. No one else.

Sort yourself out. If you’re so independent then prove it and put a roof over your own head. Or suck it up until you can.

And the OP is also a failure

She doesn't have enough income to adequately support herself.

This is an excellent point!!

@PoppppPop I don’t think you are being unreasonable. This part of your Op stood out to me: He said we have no choice and there nothing we can do.

No one would want to be in a situation where they have no choice or to have no control over their own life or what happens to them. I think your boyfriend could have been a bit more empathetic and understanding.

You do have a choice. Here are some options that you might want to consider:

Your boyfriend stays with his parents till he gets back on his feet financially and you rent something affordable for you. Can you afford share accommodation or being a lodger. That way you can have your own key, independence and some autonomy.

Now I get that living separately might not be ideal but it is only temporary and could be better for you than the current situation.

Or you both live in share accommodation and you financially support your boyfriend till he gets back on his feet.

@PoppppPop You haven't said you're finding it hard, you've listed things people do in their own home. Did you expect them to act like they don't live there? 26 is old enough to rent your own place, you weren't forced to live with them, get your own place if you don't like it.

Go to your parents as they urgently need you 😂

Can you work from there for a couple of weeks. .

Although they ( his parents ) are very generous, it does sound awfully restricting

Go to your parents every weekend. It will give you all a break.

Obviously if you’re not contributing financially you start, and that gives you a bit of support in these conversations given they talked about the cost of electric. You have a job, you can pay something.

If it’s just you find it hard, not genuine issues, he needs to back you up on, I’d moan more to friends. Agree that it’s not just his parents, he might feel the pressure re finding a job.
but, why don’t you talk to him about saying firmly on Saturdays /one night a week we will cook on Saturdays, its so grest if you guys to cook for us but to be honest I miss it so it’s definitely worth the hassle, would you like to share our meal or would you prefer to cook for yourselves? If the latter you need to think about cooking earlier or later or maybe a hot lunch, but you are allowed to do some things differently.

Weekend guest*

Or they have their thing that they want, an d their routine. Why should op not be allowed to cook for herself regardless??? She's living there, not a weird guest!

I appreciate it must be a bit shit. But you are there by choice, and moaning about it while continuing to stay there is rude, and is bound to offend your partner.

“They cook dinner every night which are actually really nice but I miss cooking myself. I offered to but they said it’d be a waste of electric cooking a whole other meal“

It sounds like you suggested that you cook separately for yourself (and maybe your bf), rather than that you offered to cook for everyone? Hopefully that’s not what you meant, as that sounds extremely rude?!