My sister asked me this

"I don't think there's much worse..."

Oh come on, that's pretty bloody insensitive , considering.

Your message was great, and it really gave her the opportunity to apologise for what she said.

She has chosen not to.

I would message again pointing out what she said.

If she doesn't accept it and apologise then I probably would be reconsidering being around her any more than the bare minimum.

If she doesn't even acknowledge what she said then it's going to eat away at you, and (only speaking from my experience) it will start affecting your relationship.

You've done the hard part by starting the conversation now, you should carry it on until you get what you need.

Sorry for your loss but I don't think there's much worse than a happily married person telling their upset single sibling how happy and fortunate they are. It's probably really hurt and your sister sniped back with something that would hurt you

OP I agreed but pointed out that she still has both her beautiful girls and how lucky she was too . She then said ' but you'd rather have what you have with your DH than have your daughter. Wouldn't you?'

MILTOBE Is was sister 1 who brought up her daughter, not the OP:

"sister 1 was talking about how lucky we were to have loving partners and so are her daughters."

Sister 1 mentioned her own daughters and her other sisters, not the OP's late daughter.

It was the OP who commented that Sister 1 at least had both of her daughters still, the implication being that one loss or absence trumped the other.

I disagree. Your sister is single. She may not want to be, but it is not one of lifes great tragedies, and while an acknowledgement of her feelings may be in order, she shouldn't be validated in thinking it is. OK, so the conversation wouldn't have happened had you not pointed out she was fortunate in her daughters, but its true, she is, and it would do her good to remember it. Frankly, I'm shocked at a woman who thinks it could be a mother's preference to have a partner rather than for their child not to have died. If it were my sister I'd be concerned that her desire for a relationship had become obsessive and caused her to lose all perspective, because what she said is not healthy.

bit vague.

who on earth would keep there partner rather than there child?? stupid question in itself and shows the type of woman she is then

There’s absolutely no excuse for saying what she did.

She started the conversation for going on about how lucky you are. I’m single and would love the security of a relationship….I feel anxious a lot of the time having to face everything alone. However, I would not dream of telling someone in your situation that they were lucky even if I was really drunk.

As if you’d that as your trump card. I really despair at how some people’s minds work.

You were both very insensitive.

Perhaps a more gracious reply would have been something along the lines of ‘we’ve all loved and lost in different way but aren’t we all lucky to have each other in this lovely holiday’

Unfortunately in the heat of the moment and especially after wine we don’t always have time to consider the best reply.

hugs to OP

Indeed.

It should be her apologising to you OP.

I think she knows exactly what she said.

Its her who is out of order not you

Is was sister 1 who brought up her daughter, not the OP:

sister 1 was talking about how lucky we were to have loving partners and so are her daughters.

OP, I am so sorry you lost your daughter. That must have been devastating for you and your husband and children.

Honestly, I would want to punch your sister. What a ridiculous and cruel thing to say.

I can see your husband was hurt but I think he should be angry with your sister, not with you. How could you say anything except that you wanted your daughter back?

I'm staggered by this type of response.

How anyone can talk about how hard it is to be single to an op who lost a child to suicide is completely alien to me. It beggars belief.

Your sister got offended and brought your daughter who has passed into it. It should be her apologising to you and worrying how you'll respond, not other way round!

I've read this multiple times, including OP's updates, and I'm still at a complete loss as to what she's supposed to have said wrong. Sister was massively out of order.

Are you for real? Why on earth should she apologise.

This

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. My friend lost her 18 year old daughter to the same. Your sister cannot possibly understand how it feels like and imo her attitude is shocking. I would be so disappointed in her.

Imo both your sister and your dh are unreasonable and completely out of line. Your sister is lucky to have both her children. If she's unhappy being single then she can change that , you unfortunate can't change the passing of your daughter and her question was disgusting. So sorry for your tragic loss.

Yes, you maybe shouldn’t have said what you said, but your sister’s reply was utterly weird. I mean, who thinks anyone would prefer anything over their own child? No, your child is more important than any other person. What a strange thing to say or think.

Bless your heart x

Perhaps your sister didn't mean it BUT 5 years is pretty recent and your sister shouldn't of really said that in front of your DH... you did right to call her out OP. Agree with others too probably was the alcohol