To be a bit horrified by DHs suggestion that he works from home FT?

Mine went back full time because it was fucking awful with him here all day.

The big bosses who love this all have massive houses and/or garden offices. People like me in a small terraced house end up depressed when their home turns into an office.

@Nanny0gg Most of it was at work, but COVID and lockdowns changed all that. After lockdown his bosses decided they could all work at home permanently and let the rented workplaces go (and I couldn't blame them for that, must have been a huge saving).

He now works for himself in his own company and all past and current projects are here. He's not a tidy and organised worker, never has been, so it's not getting any better soon 😬

When DH works from home on my day off (rare) he continually comes to wherever I am, starts a conversation, then as soon as I start to talk says “I’m sorry I’m really busy, I need to go back to work” About 8 million times a day. It’s not infuriating at all.

The original deal? Seems highly unlikely that the contract they signed when buying the house/agreeing the rental granted OP exclusive occupancy Mon-Fri 8.30am-5.30pm

You seem a bit BU to me - I do agree you need to sit down and agree the ground rules, but saying “I don’t like your presence in the house when I’m at home” is dreadful.

as a side note it’s interesting to me that on all the threads about women WFH the general consensus seems to be that it’s an absolute game changer and employers are evil nasty people for wanting f2f time, and people would never go back to in office. But here everyone seems to be saying that their DHs should fuck back off to the office pronto. Which is it?!

I wfh full time. I don't have the spare room for an office so my desk is in the bedroom.

It doesn't cause any problem here. I don't keep nipping in and out of rooms with people doing their thing in them. Occasionally my DP will pop up as ask if I want a cup of coffee or something but other than they everybody gets on with what they want.

Either you and your husband don't actually get on, or one of you is a dick to live with 🤷🏼‍♀️

I feel your pain, OP. DH in the kitchen ( because it's warmer in there than in the spare bedroom) shouting into his phone and sometimes I can actually hear the person on the other end is driving me to drink. Well not quite, but I am fed up with creeping about and fed up with telling him to shut the door. Thankfully the weather is warming up so he can go back in the bedroom and I'll get the house back.

Can he not organise/declutter better?

Where was it all before?

It works fine if one of you WFH and other one works at the office but being at home together 24/7 is a different matter. You need to set out your ground rules straight away Op, you'll go on as usual and they'll be no snacks, drinks or lunch making and you won't be making no noise- life as usual.

It's not about them "fucking off" - it's about them not using their home as a workplace and completely changing the dynamics of the household

Houses are not offices. If you want to work from home, you need to adapt around your family, not expect them to adapt to you.

But he's moving the goalposts.

This was not the original deal and homes are HOMES not offices unless you can keep the spaces separate

It's not selfish by the way, to feel as you do. From what you've written your husband has unrealistic expectations and isn't being a good 'housemate'. I work from home fluctuating between 3-5 days. You have to change your routine around the needs of everyone else and they need to flex for you to. You can't just expect it to replicate an office environment, because it never will.

This is all you need to say.

He needs a garden office if there isn't room in your house for a space that can be closed off with a lockable fire door to shut out noise.

I'm struggling to imagine, but apparently there are some people who want their "partners" to just fuck off and pay for them to have the house to themselves all day every day. But you called it perfectly, selfish.

That's on you though. DH wfh for the best part of 30 years, including with young children, one of whom is autistic. It was just how it was. One adapts. He did/ does have a separate room for it.

Sorry but I'm another one who's marriage ended when DH started working from home all week. It was so frustrating him being here but not being here. I was working out of the house but would come home and have to do all the housework, cooking, shopping etc. Knowing that he'd been at home all day but not even put a load of washing going or thrown the hoover around during a break pissed me off big time which caused huge resentment and arguments

Don't do it!!

I so get this op. I was having a think recently about why my holidays from work aren't as good (I'm a teacher). I do think it's partly down to DH WFH three days a week. We are ok on the noise front as he works upstairs, but it's just the fact I feel like I should always then be doing something productive. When there are days when I want to lounge about or do some project without him commenting when he mosies downstairs. I kind of miss....freedom?

I make lunch when I fancy it and he did moan once about he had a call at two and he wouldn't have time if I didn't make it right then. I had to just say he could eat lunch when we had it or make his own to suit his schedule. It worked.

I'd tell him that it's fine but he has to use the office, there will be no attempt to keep the children quiet, you will be playing music, doing activities, they will have friends round etc. It's a home not a workplace.

Why won’t he go in it? What a waste of money and resources.

I think you need a full and frank conversation about how disruptive it is in terms of noise/kids etc, and work out a compromise. Him WFH a couple of days a week seems reasonable to me.

No matter how much I loved my partner being in the same house together 24/7 365 days a year sounds like absolute torture, no wonder marriages fail.

Don’t let him! It’s a relationship killer.

You're really not unreasonable - it changes the entire dynamic. He needs to remember that it's your home first and foremost. If he wants to take it over and use part of it as an office, then that's fine, but he needs to bloody well stay in that office during the day and not make a nuisance of himself lol.