To be a bit horrified by DHs suggestion that he works from home FT?

Wow OP I’m really feeling this one today. If I hear one more shouted teams call about ‘the network’ and ‘the infrastructure’ I think I will lose it. He’s upstairs in his office and I can hear it through the floor. I wish I was at work, it feels more peaceful than my day off and as someone who works in a prison, I don’t say that lightly!

I've been thinking about your thread @Thecatisannoying a lot recently, as DH has started wfh more often, and I couldn't figure out why it bothers me so much.

It isn’t possible to have a bunch of kids chasing each other around screaming whilst he is working. He has not banned it: I tried it and found it stressful and unworkable. Yes the guilty thing about a nap is rather ridiculous, and again, all on me - I’m sure he doesn’t give a monkey’s. The point is : my home does not feel like it did pre-Covid.
The other thing that’s a serious problem is the isolation it brings upon that person constantly working from home.

Same here! I was stuck at home with illness/shielding, back to work then stuck again because of an injury. It was like living in a pressure cooker. I think we were doomed anyway but it definitely sped things up.

But this is ridiculous. I don't understand why you aren't just telling him that no play dates is incredibly selfish of him and not going to be happening. And why should you feel guilty?

I like to encourage dh to use the office. I think my real winner was the "Chinese spy balloon" which may have been hovering around his head during one zoom call.

It was a beautiful moment, and as he blocks the background out during zoom calls only he knew about it. 🤣

I also liked the sea of protesters carrying banners proclaiming "Ban WFH" and "Go back to the office!" which he had to step over when going in and out of the study. I discovered the dc had a huge number of soft toys to use.

He does appreciate my sense of humour. He can't complain though. He has a hand puppet rabbit by the computer which he produces when he thinks they're "going down a rabbit hole" on the call.

PS I offered he some quite good alternatives to using the dining room table: The loft, the garage and the picnic table outside. The fact it was -3 when I offered them should not have put him off, should it? When he refused them, I said he'd made his choice. 😁

I couldn’t agree with you more OP. I have a FT wfh partner. For the past 4 years. Before that he worked all the hours in the office, not home until 9pm. The change is brutal. And it’s the no play dates thing that bothers me most. (And the fact I can’t have a nap on the sofa without feeling dreadfully guilty!!)

My dh has worked from home for 14 years. You adjust. And tbh I love it. He has his own office to close the door on and all the children are used to leaving daddy be if the door is closed. We don’t have to tip toe around or be quiet. He won’t deal with clients who have an issue with children noise. Helps he’s the boss though..

My dh wfh most of the week, and I dread those days. I finish early today but am thinking about where I can go for an hour or so to avoid going home as he is there today. Our house is small and he works in the living room so there's no escape. Also, he is an absolute scruff and his desk (formerly dining table) and keyboard are covered in dust and god knows what. I will not touch it. Or him.
I'm guessing the wfh revolution has been the last straw for many marriages.

You need to sell it to him that he's better in the office

So start by having a play date every day, you know, with lots of very small children running wild around the house, screaming joyfully

Then once he's back in the office you can get back to peace and quiet 🙏☺️

Perhaps he could have a pod/shed in the garden?

I work 3 days a week (one day I wfh) my husband works at home 90% of the time and it is driving me crazy, I can't relax, can't clean properly and he's constantly talking to me about work stuff that I'm not interested in, I absolutely hate it

I don't have a problem with this. Hubby wfh a lot and I love it just knowing he is there and pops in for a laugh or to play with kids now and then during the day. When he is at work I miss him so it looks like I'm in a minority but I adore hubby being around as do the kids

@BruFord I don’t think I could work in the living room to be fair. When we started WFH and hadn’t set up properly upstairs, I had a small desk in the bedroom. Is that something you could do? I know it’s not ideal but at least you’re away from whatever happens elsewhere in the house…

@MrsDuskTilldawn I think that our main problem is that I don’t have a proper work space, whereas DH has the home office, because he needs multiple screens. When he’s in there, no one disturbs him, but when he sees me on the sofa with my laptop, he forgets that I’m actually working!
We do get on well, I just need to be left alone (as he does) when I’m working.

I wish we had room for another office, it would make a big difference.

We actually turned it on its head and kind of see it as couple time without the otherwise ever present offspring. On Fridays we have a really nice lunch without having to share with the “growing boy” who makes a bunch of locusts look like amateurs.

Edited to add: I realise that part of it working out is probably because we both like tidy work spaces and have a very similar approach to things in general. Just lucky, I guess.
I have no idea what pp’s will do when they retire, though. We kind of took lockdown as a sign that we’re best to stick with each other. 🤣🤣

Unfortunately you can get a front row seat on working style, attitude and ethic! I simply could not put up with it or the chaos he inflicted on me. This was before Covid. I saw things his previous and current bosses criticized. I remember being trapped in a bedroom with our small children (on mine and my son's birthday) while he took over the flat for 10 hours. He is a horrible person but being trapped with him continually was torture. When he lost his job he set up his own "business". Did exactly the same as before. I now will never be in a relationship with someone who does wfh. Probably can work but not for all.

Well, my DH is wfh today as am I. It’s still morning here and he’s been downstairs a few times (he has an office upstairs, I work in the living room) getting coffee, snacks, asking me questions and generally yapping He didn’t say anything on the last visit as I was clearly focusing, but I could feel him looking at me dying to say something. I’m seriously thinking of going into the office after lunch. 🤣

I think this how you’ve articulated it here is how you could explain it to him best without sounding petty or like you want rid of him? I get it - mine are 2 and 4 and we go out all day to avoid a stressful nightmare if my husband is working from home. Thankfully he’s 2 days a week too! x

She hasn’t said she doesn’t like his presence. Not liking his presence is different to not liking his presence all the time, she doesn’t want to be with him constantly, sounds perfectly healthy to me.

What a weird comment

The OPs follow on posts show their marriage is essentially over

Not what she wrote in the opening post

Not liking the thought of his presence is a nail in the coffin

How ridiculous, this modern phenomenon that you should be perfectly happy to be with your husband 24/7 365 days per year, and if you don’t want that then your marriage is over, ludicrous. At no other point in history were couples expected to be together constantly and also to be delighted at the prospect, some marriages struggle in retirement for this very reason so OP’s concerns are perfectly valid it does not mean her marriage is over at all, she just wants some space during the week and for her home not to feel like an office.

I understand what you’re saying, @Thecatisannoying . Both DH and I technically work hybrid schedules, with him going into the office two days a week. But, his team frequently cancels the office days as they can work very efficiently from home and they don’t actually need to be in the office very often.

If I’m also working wfh, it’s hard to focus as he wanders in chatting about something and gets miffed if I say that I’d like to walk the dog on my own, for example.

So I’m working in my office more and more to get away from him. 🤣
I do love him dearly, but I need some space.

We have almost identical work patterns, except DH does sometimes have to travel to work/go into the office. It only works because 1) DH has his own study and can shut the door on the rest of the house, and 2) our children are much older.

I wouldn't be putting changing routines for these people who live in the house because he's choosing to WFH. With very young children, there will be noise. Playdates in the children's home is entirely normal- he'll just have to put up with that.

I'm afraid I'd have no time for people who have a home office but refuse to work in it , and instead park themselves in a kitchen/ living room and insist everyone else tiptoes around them.

Your marriage is over already. You just don’t seem to know it yet