Hospital stay- partner moaning

Ask him how he can be a parent if he resents his helpless child needs feeding and cleaning?

What's your suggestion?

Speak to the staff they can get him removed

Yeah LTB

There is simply no competition about who has it worse here. It doesn’t matter how tired the oh is. He hasn’t had a traumatic birth, body trying to heal a major operation and now severe infection and flooded with hormones.

There’s no competition to be had. Any decent man would see that.

Op, your partner is a cunt.

Any suggestions for longer term advice if he keeps on like this?

Unless he has form for behaving like this I would just put it down to sleep deprivation. Yes he's being horrible but sleep deprivation is a form of torture and we all say things we don't mean when we're exhausted. I've always found I cope better with the lack of sleep than DH, some people just do not cope well at all. Of course YANBU. Unless he's generally a prick though I don't think the LTB posts are that helpful even if they are standard MN responses!

Hi@Cookiesncreme
I'm a midwife and we get a lot of useless men like this.

I have absolutely no problems in telling men like this that they are staying in the hospital to help you with THEIR baby!

Picking baby up from cot.
Nappy changing.
Changing dirty clothing.
Soothing/cuddling baby.
Feeding baby from bottle if formula feeding.

All jobs he is perfectly capable of doing. I feel for you I really do. If this is what he's like in hospital God knows what he will be like at home.
We get some great Dads we really do but by God we get some utterly lazy bastards as well. I'm getting to the stage where I can't hide my thoughts anymore. I often feel like saying to them why don't you just fuck off home you useless prick.
There I feel better for that 🤣

I hope you feel better soon. Ask the midwives on the ward to have a word. Because you are in a sideroom they will be thinking he is doing the babycare and feeds which is precisely why he is staying in hospital with you!!!

Please send him home for a few hours and speak to the staff ASAP. He is abusive and it's escalating. You need more help and support from the midwives.

Oh my goodness!! What a horrible selfish man. Looks like you have 2 children to look after

When someone shows you who they are - believe them.

He is showing you who he is.

Op listen very seriously to what people are posting. This man is not a good man. The sooner you are able to be free of him, you and your baby will be better without him in your lives.

Like it's a bloody wonderful time for you oozing pus from a wound and feeling like shit. Like it's a choice you made!!!

Exactly, this is 50% his responsibility. And since you are too unwell to be able to give 50%, he has to pick up the slack, is this not what a fucking partnership is about?? Nevermind the fact hes doesn't feel at all worried or upset about the pain you are in.

OP I am so upset in your behalf, this is infuriating.

If he was in any way incapacitated or injured, there's not a hope in hell he would just accept you treating him the same way.

I'm sorry but I would be evicting him from the hospital room immediately, telling him to go home and pack his stuff and take himself back to whatever cave he crawled from.

Yes - he is probably doing 'more' physically for baby right now but guess what, that's fucking parenthood and being a partner! A C-section is major surgery and takes many months to recover from based on what I know and I've never even had one!! He is there, he can see what's going on and he is choosing to abuse you psychologically/emotionally when you are potentially at your most vulnerable in life.

If you can, ask a friend, sibling, mam etc to come and help overnights or speak to a nurse/midwife to see if there is anything the hospital can do to support you. Alternatively, have any of the staff heard/seen the way he is going on? They might be willing to step in and explain how out of order he is being! (On the off chance he doesn't realise he is being a complete cock-wombling thunder cunt and is genuinely just tired)

Sending you love and support 💞

Ultimately you are both struggling with something very difficult at the moment and a competition about who has it worse won’t help either of you. You could both do with some support from family or someone.

There is no competition here, the DH is not even in the race for having it worse. OP is in hospital having recently given birth, recovering from c section, an infection and dealing with all the hormonal and emotional change being a new mother brings. Even someone at the most basic level of decency would be doing everything they could to help her.

I wish you a speedy recovery OP, but sadly I think you will be person doing all the caring for your child. Did he actually not realise that having a new baby would require a bit of sacrifice and effort on his part? If he wants to be a father, rather than just a sperm donor, he needs to step up quickly and stop whining.

And this isn't just him "moaning ".

He is being neglectful, if sounds abusive in a way. You are unwell and so incredibly vulnerable, for him to feel like this and express this, is scary and concerning.

What an absolute cunt -and that's not a word I use frequently. Like it's a bloody wonderful time for you oozing pus from a wound and feeling like shit. Like it's a choice you made!!!

Well he sounds like a great partner - not

He is a scumbag.
His job is to care, protect and support his partner and new baby.

This man only cares for himself.

I am so sorry for you op.
Congratulations on your new baby, I hope you make a speedy recovery. When you are well again, please consider this relationship seriously.

I can't believe I've read this. He is telling you what he is like OP. This isn't normal behavior as most men are terrified when their partner becomes unwell after childbirth and just want to see them recover. I had eclampsia and was in high dependency and I cannot imagine my husband behaving like this.

You are a generous soul.

”We’ve” been through a lot?

No, lovely, you have.
He needs to step up or ship out. Do you have family support?

If you have mum/parents you can go to, and they will help, I would go with baby now, arguing about the situation will get you nowhere and him harrumphing around isn't going to help you. However, if you're oozing pus I do wonder if you should actually be back in hospital, that does not sound good. Have you called midwife for advice?

Does he think he is there for a holiday? He is there to help you and the baby.

This has happened to me when Covid was still around and I had to be by myself. I know how hard it is. Hope you get better soon.

What a bastard.

You deserve so much better OP. Your 'D'P is being so selfish and uncaring towards you at such a vulnerable time I would not be able to forgive this.