Hospital stay- partner moaning

How are you doing OP?

@kkloo just because I'm not being dramatic and telling the OP her life is over if she stays with this man doesn't mean I'm minimising it.

No I clearly did read your post.

I don't think it's possible for a good decent man to behave this way because of sleep deprivation when his partner is going through what the OP is going through so what you're saying doesn't apply anyway. Good men wouldn't behave like that.

Yes these are peoples lives here which is why I asked you to actually picture the scene of what the OP is going through so that you would stop minimizing it.

@pikkumyy77 sleep deprivation can make you change in an instant. You know as much about how tired or exhausted he is as I do. He could be mortified today at how he acted yesterday or maybe he doesn't give a shit. No one here knows. Hopefully when the OP is feeling better she will come back to update us - how he acted following the outburst will make it more obvious on what to do next. No one needs to make life changing decisions in the heat of the moment.

Sleep deprivation wouldn’t turn a perfect husband into this useless one in an instant. He’s not THAT sleep deprived, for one thing, and for another a loving dh would be at battle stations under these circumstances. My dh would have been moving heaven and earth to protect me if I had a major infected wound like this.

@kkloo you clearly didn't read my post. If the partner does not have form for acting like a prick then yes I would put it down to sleep deprivation. We know nothing about him or the OP, he could be a perfect husband of 20 years up until now. Likewise he could have been abusive for 20 years. If he's in the former category it's bonkers that people are telling her to LTB. These are people's real lives here, it's not an episode of coronation street. No one knows enough about the OP to tell her to make major life changing decisions.
If the OP comes back and say he's a prick the majority of the time then fine but she hasn't.
And yes I would say the same to my own daughter/niece/friend.

Of course it’s difficult when you’re sleep deprived but the OP is sick enough to require inpatient hospital admission. It’s not a competition but if there was, she would “win” because she’s the one who gave birth and she is very poorly.

He's being unreasonable, but you're both clearly sleep deprived and naturally trying to adjust to everything, so it's going to be difficult for both of you.

What an absolute wanker 😡 is there a family member (mum/sister/auntie) who can come and be with you OP? The stress of dealing with him is not going to aid your recovery 😕 if you can get someone else to come and be with you for the next few days, tell him to f off. Can you speak to the nurses and ask for more help with the baby? It sounds like you should be keeping still as much as possible while the wound heals.

I can only speak for my Trust and they are most definitely not left floundering call bells are answered immediately and I care 100% like it was my daughter in that bed.
Midwifery services are on their knees not enough midwives. Services have been slashed to the bone. This government has systematically destroyed the NHS they are totally responsible for the NHS as it stands right now.
I have been in the NHS since 1986 it has never been as bad as it is now. I'm done.

Please do not have any more children with this waste of space,he is showing you his true colours just when you need him to do his share the most.

@Dartwarbler
OK maybe I'm tired after 4 fucking awful shifts with a full ward of antenatal and postnatal women plus babies and not enough staff.
Trying to arrange transfer of high risk women to delivery suite keep an eye on their ctg monitoring whilst also trying to discharge patients who want to go home NOW.
I'm just exhausted, physically and mentally and hate to see my profession on it's knees like this. We have NQM's who are already leaving or signed off sick with stress. When I qualified it was not like this. I'm just so upset how the job I loved so, so much is turning in to one I dread each and every shift.

He's no Dad of the Year, that's for sure. He's a piece of shit. He's shown you that he's a useless, feckless, piece of shit. So, you need to make a decision...speak with the midwives, tell them, so that they can read him the riot act. If you have a close relative or friend that could come in and help out for a shift, get them in. But once you're well enough, really, you should reconsider this relationship, because, if he can't step up to care for his own newborn baby when you are recovering from major surgery and suffering with infections, then he never will. You'll look back on this time and resent him for being so feckless. Get rid. And give baby your surname. What an utter piece of shit.

Any women who has had surgery is given call bell right next to them. They are told to call when baby cry's to call when you need analgesia to call if you need help to go to toilet and to call if you have any concerns. There is no way I'd leave a women floundering.

^ unfortunately the CQC maternity reports of three local trusts say that woman are regularly left floundering.

@Dartwarbler
everyone on here is jumping on the dad. Yep, he’s a selfish fit like a lot of young men who’ve just taken ownership of a helpless human. But he’s failing because we’re expecting him to do nursing duties when he barely knows a babies arse from its head.

He's not doing nursing duties 😂
And as long as he does know the babies arse from his head then he should be well able to manage.

You didn’t read my response then.🤦‍♀️ and there was I on your side.

What an arsehole. Christ you're in hospital and he's acting like that. I'm astounded!? That's really not normal caring partner behaviour. He's a cunt.

@Dartwarbler
With your opening line of
Fuck me.. where are the bloody midwives on all of this?
How do you expect me to receive this? So
with respect you can piss off too with your half arsed reply. You have no insight into what goes on in a midwifery ward.

Kick him out and bring in a family member who will be supportive and help you with the baby. You don't need this stress when you are trying to recover.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Unless something awful happens, you'll never be more vulnerable and physically and emotionally in need than this period right now. I would calmly tell him that your need his A game right now because these times are setting the tone for the future of your relationship!

TLDR: If he doesn't step up you'll never forgive or forget; it will eat away at you just how shit he was when you needed him most.

Good idea

Please tell your mum and ask her if you can go to her house with baby when you're discharged

I am not, and never did, slag off your profession. Thanks for the lecture. And I made the point myself my experience was 30 years ago. I said I am appalled at state of midwife services. Where are midwives is not implying , as you seem to think I meant, you’re swanning around having a party. I’m very well aware of the huge vacancies in midwives nationally

it is not your decision to close nurseries in maternity units, to expect fathers to stay on wards to “help “ mum when they are ( if new dads) inexperienced and yet to bond with baby . Jeez, I now know there aren’t even NHS prenatal classes still, to teach the poor buggers what to expect

this is about funding. It is about policies. It is about successive governments of all colours expecting mums to carry on despite serious birth trauma, abdominal surgery and sleep depreciation etc. it is about us as a society not standing up for birthing mums . Or the criticality of good maternity services.

everyone on here is jumping on the dad. Yep, he’s a selfish fit like a lot of young men who’ve just taken ownership of a helpless human. But he’s failing because we’re expecting him to do nursing duties when he barely knows a babies arse from its head. No wonder mum is stressed and heading for PND. NHS services used to recognise the herd for support of mum and baby as a single entity in immediate post partum period.

I have not and will never knock individual midwives. It is not your fault . You are all to aware I imagine of the failure of your service provisions to mothers and babies, from your everyday frustrations

so politely, piss off. I was not criticising you or other midwives. If you’d read what I put you’d see my point that we as society don’t expect men to have such shit services .

As a chronic insomniac yes sleep deprivation can be torture and it's made me feel suicidal at times, however he should be able to cope at this point, he should be able to cop on if he's feeling irritable or grumpy. He is choosing not to.

As for saying you don't think the LTB posts are that helpful, just picture this situation in your head, what the poor OP is going through and the fact this idiot is letting her know that he's annoyed and that he's 'doing everything'. If it was your daughter/niece/young female family member in this situation would you say ah just put it down to sleep deprivation or would you be desperately concerned about your daughter/niece?

I don't think a nice or decent man would ever behave like this, sleep deprived or not. So that's why people are saying to LTB.

His behaviour is extremely concerning, if he can behave like this now then what would he be like if the OP developed PND with no physical signs of being unwell.

I don't give a fuck how bad someone copes with lack of sleep, there are some situations where you just have to suck it up

I agree with this. Please go without him to register the birth so that his name is not on the certificate. (It can always be added on later)
Give baby his surname as a middle name and your surname as last name.