Should I have expected my wife to answer?

How old is your son anyway? That seems quite important as to whether he could be asked to just hang on a minute as you were just out of the shower.

Overall, yes, a response would be appropriate and its rude not to reply. But the way you write and the obsession with this one thing makes me wonder if there is more to this.

I know that it was not unusual for "us" to be getting ready to go out but what that actually happening was dh was getting himself ready and I was doing everything else from getting myself and the kids ready, doing any extra prep work eg if we were taking a salad to a family bbq, doing the quick tidy up/dishwasher load that would stop us coming home to a complete mess etc etc etc.

So if one of the dc wanted something and he had asked me to do it because he was still in the shower, I would probably have ignored him too!

She claims that I should have know that she was busy and shouldn’t have asked.

Either she’s weird or she is absolutely at the end of her rope with you not being able to do one simple thing yourself without roping her into it. Either making her do the whole job, part of the job, or bearing admiring witness to you doing the job, or she is sick of you trying to delegate ordinary life like you are her manager and seem incapable of delegating the “wait a minute” task to your dc without first going around the room and hearing everybody’s ideas going forward thinking outside the box.

Seems like a big fuss about nothing to me.

Ignore the sulky drama queen.

I'm assuming as you were taking your your son out and she was happy to head to bed safe in the knowledge you'd be default parent this is her normal shitty attitude to parenting.

What does she bring to the relationship

Well congratulations op, you’re clearly the better spouse.

And ‘cruel’ is a very odd word to describe someone not answering you when you call out. Don’t you think it’s ‘cruel’ to shout at your partner from another room, rather than speak to them in person in a respectful manner?

Honestly, this is all so pathetic I’m sure it must be a wind up.

@Reddca You are creating unnecessary problems to excuse yourself from having to do something you should be doing yourself.

Assume a reverse? Which is tedious. Yes she should have answered. But he should have just gone and done whatever it was without asking.

You shouldn't "expect" anything from your DW. That is taking her for granted.
Sounds like you treat her as your servant. Why is what you are doing more important than what she is?

You heard your son; you should respond yourself.

As for moaning instead of deescalating the situation you caused, you already know the answer. You are behaving as a sulking childish twat. Grow up and be an adult. Model better behavior to your child. Be respectful and kind to your dear wife.

Why are your needs greater than your wife’s?

Sorry cross posted.
If you were naked or dripping wet in a towel, then yes it makes more sense for her to go up. Perhaps t would have been more sensible just to keep quiet and wait for her to hear your DS rather than issuing instructions.

Depends what she was in the kitchen doing and what "getting ready" means. But you were both downstairs, both clearly busy, you should just have seen to your son, particularly if getting ready meant getting yourself ready.

Why didn't you help your son?

I make it a point now to not answer anyone who isn’t int the same room as me. After years of being expected to drop everything and find the shouter, or shout back, I’ve stopped. Find me if you want something.

It’s so frustrating when someone calls you for another room expecting you to stop what you are doing and either shout back or come to you stopping what you are doing to, losing your train of thought and meet their needs. I wonder if this is a regular occurrence.
Think about how often you shout at her from another room and expect her to drop everything to come to you. it’s lazy and demanding on your part

I think you should have just gone and helped your son rather than calling out twice to your wife. She must be fed up to the back teeth of you always trying to delegate to her.

Also if I’m in the kitchen cooking or clearing up , it’s very annoying if people call from other from the tasks you do in the kitchen are reasonably noisy and you just need to get on with them.

So if she could hear you but didn't answer, you've got bigger problems than your child needing help. This is unhealthy, and it seems like you both don't know how to communicate healthily to one another.

This has got to be a reverse

instead of descalating the situation, I continued to moan at her for not answering, and she went back to bed upset at me and left the house angry at her.

• *If you have the insight to recognise you didn't descalate the situation, then you have the insight to recognise you've both been at fault here.

You were both unreasonable, your poor DS! She could have replied that she was busy but then you having seen she was a bit stressed out could have been the bigger person for the sake of your DS and let it go.

Clearly you were able to help DS so you should have just done it instead of expecting your wife to. Which I'm sure is a habit.