Should I have expected my wife to answer?

If it was a woman that posted she would have had better advice.
But as MN proves itself again women are never wrong and can never be abusive.

Not long ago a similar post was up about someones husband doing similar the same thing yes she had MN on her side he was scum he was a dick LTB etc etc.
Sometime i think women can be meaner.

@Reddca not sure why you got such a hard time. If a woman had posted she was being ignored by her husband she would be told to LTB… I don’t really think it’s wrong to ask you partner to do something and expect not to be ignored and then to get the silent treatment. It’s all wrong, I would ask my husband to attend to my child if I was getting dressed he’d either help or say 2 mins it doesn’t need to be anything by more. It sounds as if you two have bigger issues.

couples counselling?

Are you the same poster whose wife left the queue for the massage place?

In reality, as on this thread, you would have had a variety of responses, from which each reader, including the OP, will have remembered a different selection and taken away a (possibly subtly) different message.

There are many posts where there are huge red flags for abusive behaviour in which posters are told they ABU and should cut the obvious abuser some slack.

MN posters are hugely varied and sweeping statements like this simply don't apply.

Honestly if you’d have posted this as the woman you would have had everyone telling you your husband is abusive for ignoring you and giving you the silent treatment.
Mumsnet hate men so no matter if you were right or wrong you’d never win on here.
For what it’s worth, she could have just asked what you wanted and said she was busy.

Silent treatment is abuse!

I want to point out again that this isn’t normal or acceptable in a relationship and is abusive.

i think you already had an inkling that it wasn’t normal behaviour when you posted this thread and I really hope that you find a way through this. Walking on eggshells until the next time is no way to live, either for you or your child.
please speak to someone in real life, a parent or a friend etc.

Disablist as well as making heteronormative assumptions!

OK, yes, I do detect elements of commonly male behaviour in the OP’s account but still don’t make assumptions about marriages being different-sex when we don’t have that info.

Exactly. I had a feeling it was a same sex relationship for some reason.

I agree. It is basic communication.

When reading posts on here sometimes, it is eye opening how many couples just don't like each other/can't stand each other, but spend years in marriages where the norm is a constant passive aggressive type of nit picking/point scoring/constant moodiness type of carry on. ( They don't like anything about the person they are with but don't intend on doing anything about it and they view themselves as the martyr while at the same time punishing their partner for every bee in their bonnet).

I would bet money the OP's wife would not remain petulantly silent and refuse to answer and storm off back to bed if other people were present/or outside of the house - yet it is ok to do this to your partner, behind closed doors when nobody is watching and to make them feel small and not worth answering. It is hurtful behaviour. You would expect this type of behaviour (the ignoring and the tantrum) from a child and not an adult.

Should the OP have expected his wife to answer - Yes! Because that is how grownups act.

Its all over it, if you cant see that you must be blind

Nowhere in this thread does the OP indicate whether they are male or female.

Go back to basics about the way you all communicate.

Stop everyone shouting from room to room: encourage your kids to come and ask.

Answer your Dc directly. “I’m getting dressed, wait 5 mins”. Rather than shouting to Dw. Your Dw can do likewise. Kids can wait, unless there is something dangerous.

Don’t go on about things. (“instead of descalating the situation, I continued to moan at her for not answering” ).

Talk openly, away from the incident, about how you both feel, about being ignored, about feeling put upon etc etc. Listen. Decide how to avert and resolve communication clashes.

Except if they're yelling at you from another room, in which case it's quite reasonable imo.

This

It is because you are a man ! Can't you see that ?

For what's it worth, if my husband asks me if I can go help our son and I'm busy, I just say "sorry I can't". He does the same. I don't understand how that's controlling, its basic communication.

If, for whatever reason, I'm annoyed he's asked I will probably snap at him, then he will probably snap back, then we both apologise and it's over 5 min later.

What neither of us would do is completely ignore the other one.

@FusilliNom you know it's not a proper thread unless we have diagram!

Given I’m the person who the children always seek out (sometimes walking past their Dad sitting there) this situation would annoy me. Your wife was doing something in the kitchen and I bet she has to break away from tasks a lot, so to have you getting her to do it this time must’ve annoyed her. So say ‘it’s difficult for me right now, just out of the shower, can you please go up’ as opposed to ‘go and help’.

In this instance I’d say to my husband ‘why couldn’t you do it’ and then had the reply about the shower, and that’d be it dealt with. Why you’ve gone on Mumsnet for something so trivial makes me wonder what else is going on.

She was being extremely unreasonable. It is bad manners to ignore people.