To ask him to take less responsibility

Well OP my view as the one being the sole breadwinner and my DH being the SAHD.

I was and am out of the house from 6,30 to 6.30 at that age barring one early finish day.

I did clean bathrooms and help out with whatever needed doing and took a full role in parenting my DDs and if my DH had thought it was his sole responsibility I would have put him straight pretty sharpish.

But in my view while I was at work his priority should have been the girls and the house and if that wasn't taken care of I would not have seen that as fair. Equal leisure time is the only fair way to go and liunches, classes and even unpaid volunteering count as that.

He manages to work full time goes football twice a week and the pub once .....how's that the same as 5 gym (me time stress free session of 3 hours) plus up to 5 lunches a week? Not to mention the stress free hanging out the washing .....you're a lady who lunches, you love it but don't pretend your husband gets more me time than you .....if he's happy with it too that's fine but at least keep up with your part of the job or stop moaning when he does it for you.

OP, I think you’ve lost perspective. Possibly due to giving up work and trying to use the household jobs to replace that sense of contribution that working previously gave you. And when you don’t get the jobs done, you feel you’re not contributing and when DH fills the gap you feel undermined. And maybe vulnerable?

All valid feelings. But gently, what you’ve outlined is not a busy hectic amount to do. So you have time to hold up your side of the bargain and get the jobs done during the day. Honestly, making yourself feel better is in your gift here.

How about trying one of the housework apps or Instagrams often recommended on here? That will give you a schedule to follow and you’ll tick off different jobs every day - giving you your sense of achievement and contribution, managing your time, AND having a clean house that you and your DH can then relax together in. Sounds like a win to me.

more 💩💩 than a stables.

I'm still going to do my classes and lunches despite the ridicule on here. After all husband gets to do his football two evenings and go to the pub on a Friday or Saturday. If he gets his social life I think I should as well.

Except he does all of those things on top of working a full time job, caring for his children and doing more than his fair share of the housework.

You seem to spend six hours a day doing classes, having lunch and hanging up a load of laundry. It’s hardly the same thing.

😂😂😂

Its not the going to classes and lunch people are ridiculing..it's you prioritising doing that to excess at the expense of holding up your end of the home front AND THEN COMPLAINING THAT YOUR DH does more! It's so bizarre.

Wind up. I can wash up and put washing out whilst looking after a two year old. The house will be spotless with the toddler in nursery. 😂

I would also be pissed off if I was your husband for you choosing to give up work. You will be in trouble if he decides to end the gravy train.

This has to be a wind up......you need a cleaner, a job and childcare.

Utterly bonkers OP. If this is real you need to have a word with yourself and start appreciating what you have in life.

yes, he socialises and has hobbies but also has a full time job and does family stuff. It’s not just your decision not to work, it’s a joint decision. Most people have jobs that go beyond school hours, there’s plenty of options - after school club, holiday clubs etc. I would never want to put my DH in the position of being the sole income, it’s unfair. And what if he loses his job tomorrow, it’s so precarious

You are being mean and selfish by not wanting your husband to be involved in childcare. It's not your domain. He is the father and he is playing his role as any good father should. What gives you the right to take away that joy from him and the kids? Why are you saying it as if its a bad thing? You have a weird worldview.
Regarding your schedule, you seem to spend the entire afternoon just eating lunch and presumably chilling. I am sure you are not doing the washing yourself, by which I mean hand washing the clothes. Are you? Or is it a washing machine? So how is that taking up any of your time? You know but you are not ready to admit that you have all the time in the world to go for classes AND wash the dishes once you and kids have eaten. You just don't want to do it.

do classes or don’t that’s up to you. But don’t try to make out you’re in some sort of super stressful busy situation.

realise your in a privileged situation and enjoy it - but at least do the housework!

He does all those things while still meeting his obligations to the family though.

Love, if I didn't work my house would be spotless. And, I'm sure I'd manage a few hours volunteering at the school and a couple of classes, as well as the house work, especially if the kids are school age.
This is an odd thread and also having a dig at those of us that dare to leave our little darlings in childcare.
Not sure what your complaint is to be honest, I'd love to "catch" someone else cleaning my bathroom (my husband does do his fair share but bathroom cleaning is not high on his agenda!).
Enjoy all your lunches and classes!

Op, your husband sounds fantastic. Maybe the answer is to go back to work and share the household tasks which your husband enjoys. You could then build up your own funds and pension.

Less classes and more dishes and you'd not have half the problems you have.

I cannot for the life of me work out what he has done so badly ..

Doesn’t run everything by you child related , cleans the bathroom - what an arsole . Washes the dishes because you are exhausted around all your classes and lunches out .

tbh your kids are in school . I have no idea why basic cleaning - the bathroom , laundry kitchen , dinner prep isn’t done during school hours .

you sound lazy and entitled . Go back to work a couple of days a week instead of volunteering . You will have your own money, add to your pension .

your kids would probably enjoy breakfast and after school club .

Wtf, just when you thought you've read it all... This deserves its own subsection of MN classics. For all the wrong reasons.

Leaving dirty dishes all night and not cleaning the bathroom all week, I’m not surprised your husband takes it upon himself to do these tasks. I think eventually your dh will file for divorce. Your attitude towards him is awful.

Going against the flow slightly - I work part time and DH is full time. There are certain jobs around the house that I believe to be “mine” and I generally do them. I feel a bit guilty if DH does them, but sometimes this comes across to him as me being annoyed. It’s not me being controlling, I know that he works hard and on the days I don’t go out to work I feel that it’s only fair that I do those jobs. On the days I do go to work, he can crack on with housework 🤣

You need a reality check.

I get up at 6am. I get myself ready and get my toddler up and ready for nursery. One of us takes her to nursery. If it's a day I'm in the office (twice a week) I am on a train by 7.45am. I do a full day's work, in a demanding job, albeit I leave a bit earlier so I can spend an hour with my child before they go to bed at 7pm. Then it is cooking, tidying, washing, more work (until 11pm one night this week) and bed. Get up and repeat. If it is a WFH day, I might be able to squeeze in loading the dishwasher and maybe a load of washing.

I am incredibly lucky to have one day off per week (not on a weekend). In that day I will do both nursery runs, clean the entire house, do life admin, do as much washing as I can, fit in any personal stuff like shaving my legs/plucking eyebrows etc. And no I don't do my nails or have them done, or any other similar luxury because I don't have time. I also try to batch cook at least a couple of meals for the week. I basically don't stop from the minute my child arrives at nursery to when I pick them up.

Weekends are a mish mash of family time and the odd jobs we can fit in here and there. And if I've swapped my non-working day, am working extra (for no extra pay, because I'm salaried) or there's a BH (so nursery is closed) I have to squeeze everything in to the four other days.

You're taking the mick.

6 hours to yourself every day the house should be perfect. Why are you too tired to wash dishes anyway.....but Jesus don't complain he wants to or anything else he chooses to do for his family including being with his kids.