Parents moaning their pensions are not enough!!

I think the point OP is making is that this family are clearly never going to sacrifice their lifestyle to live independently and not sponge off their parents.

I think intergenerational living can be a really positive thing. I don't my mum rattling around on her own and she likes our company. But I'm overly aware of not taking advantage. Not everyone sees things this way clearly.

Op said sil has a minimum wage job.

This is so horrible to read. I'm at an age now with a young family and my mum getting older, and I have 3 relatives who are willing to rip my mum off a every turn. She is so kind and generous and just wants to see people doing well.

It's heartbreaking tbh but I've learned that there's not much I can do or say to change the dynamic.

I have one other sibling who is a kind and decent person and I am afraid that as things were escalating with my siblings (think constant requests for money but not putting any effort in to see my mum), the only thing that has seemed to stem the behaviour is a direct confrontation and it has resulted in people not being on speaking terms.

Honestly though I feel better with the fall out than standing by and saying nothing. Still not sure it's the best approach but these situations are so tricky to navigate.

Well, yes, but as you say yourself, they don't need this.
If they lived close to your parents, they'd still get the free childcare.

Does sil work

Yanbu

They should be paying their way and helping out in the house

If the brother was financially contributing then your scenario wouldn’t be a problem. But how does it work in you opinion when ops parents have run out of money before end of month cuz they’ve paid everything for the son ?

SIL and your brother should be paying their own living costs, so half the bills, half the groceries, all DN childcare costs and some rent. A more accurate complaint would be why the hell are my son and his wife bleeding us dry and have so little respect for us that they don't act like responsible adults and pay for their own family. A place to live is one thing, the rest is taking the piss. Your parents are letting them get away with this. but they' should be ashamed of what theyre doing. Im sure they don't miss the fact your parents run out of money yet their living off 2 pensioners. That's really nasty deeply entitled behaviour.

And to point out the absolutely bleeding obvious most people on 60k plus are managers. If you are an experienced middle manager in teaching or senior manager in teaching you will be on this, and heads of secondaries will often earn the mumsnet holy grail of 6 figures. But just like other jobs you have to climb the greasy pole to get there.

To quote Dave Ramsey (an American money expert similar to Martin Lewis here) “Personal finance is 80% behaviour and 20% knowledge”.

Your parents have been subsidising your golden child brother all his adult life. They house him and do his adult chores (shopping, cooking, cleaning and no doubt laundry as well). Your Dad probably knows deep down he should ask your brother and SIL to contribute more to household finances and housework, but can’t bring himself to ask his “golden son” to pay his share but feels he can guilt trip you into subsidising all of them.

You are the scapegoat in all this. If you give your parents some cash to tide them over to the end of this month, but not next month, you’ll be the “bad” person for “stopping” paying. If you tell your brother that his family he needs to step up and contribute more to household finances and chores then you will be the one upsetting their “golden child”. You’ve already “upset” your Dad by pointing out the obvious that pensions are not to pay for working-age adult children to sponge off their parents, that you “want” them to kick your brother out (no - your parents need to do a budget and ask your brother and his wife for a fair contribution to “rent” and household costs)

Imho multigenerational living is when the grandparents have their own little household within the same property which enables the adult children to keep an eye on them, have some contact with them on a daily basis and support them.

Not when granparents pay and do everything for a family of six spanning three generations.

Yes, that's exactly how this will pan out.

Well, yes and OP is not the boss of them, is she? She can only express her opinion. At the end of the day it's up to the people involved.

Yep. I suppose it depends where you live, but the teachers I know are all home owners and at a young age!

There was a thread on MN once asking what people considered a decent wage. At the time (a few years ago) there was a decent wage campaign asking for something like £10/h, but the MN answer... 60k!

And then you get some people saying 'MNers aren't wealthy, there's all sorts on here' lmfao.

Great if you were able. Most people would find this very difficult.

Its simple enough. Next time he moans tell him he chooses to let them freeload off him so he either charges them rent or shuts up about it because you're not interested.

Only on mumsnet is teaching a badly paid job. It’s a very very difficult job with shit working conditions but badly paid no.

They need to live within their means or st the very least pay for their keep. Very few people can afford to buy a big house as first time buyers.

Freeloading fuckers.

It's not working! OP's DF is out of money by the end of the month! He's covering living costs for two adults who work and should be paying their own way!

Dad has inferred it’s not working though. With his moans of not having money left on the 20th of each month, as he’s subsidising his able bodied and working age son / DIL

Not only can most teachers live independently, most are even home owners. Something's not making sense.
Your brother and family should get their own place and your parents should downsize to a smaller place nearby.

South Asian multi-generational households have been mentioned on this thread. I think they work fine and make a lot of sense when young adults are in their early twenties and parents are still healthy, but from my own observations, I think they have the same problems when children grow into mid-adulthood and different career or financial choices begin to ‘tell’.

In my immediate connections I have seen one complete family breakdown, around the time of the death of the remaining parent.
One of the children’s families now looks set to go the same way. In both cases, it hinges on one child being treated far more generously than others, on the basis that they ‘needed’ support, but the others eventually turning around and saying ‘hang on a minute’.

Multi generational living is not uncommon and becoming a necessary thing with property prices and rents so high. You sound jealous that you are not involved. Many people moan about pensions, salaries, tax and the cost of living. Why you are so determined to break up a solution that works for 5 people is beyond me.

If they were to sign the house over to him in return for future care but their future needs could not be met in a home situation then your brother could find himself forced to sell up and stand on his own two feet!

I would be mean enough to enjoy that situation!