Parents moaning their pensions are not enough!!

then they should move to a cheaper area or get another job that pays more

dad was renting a place near where he worked in london as we lived up north - we moved to london but we could not afford a house there - i was a kid at the time - so my parents bough a house in a cheaper area of london and he still rented the room there as he worked night and day shits and travel thse days took longer via public transpoert

so get them to get a another better paying job and or move to a cheaper area as thats most people do

If they are not paying and your parents are moaning re money its their fault for letting them live there at zero cost

A good friend of mine is a teacher and a single parent too, they are managing to pay a mortgage and all the other bills of their own home.

This 100%. In the meantime, if the parents develop health issues there will be every reason under the sun why the brother and his wife just cannot look after them. So predictable.

I'd be using the term financial abuse every time DF or DM mentioned it.

Or leaving you more in their wills as compensation?

And are your parents putting aside the equivalent amount that they are contributing to your brothers family to yours?

Could you speak confidentially to your brother and explain your dad is worrying about money to you, don't overstep and make suggestions to your brother at this point about the solution (they cover bills perhaps) just matter of fact that your parents are struggling.

Hope you get something from this thread @Bluesky91 . No one is disagreeing about the unfairness of it all

Yes, but given how lazy the brother is, it will be the SIL who will have to do it.

It only recently dawned upon me that we are probably really stupid for standing up on our own early on

Actually I don't think you're stupid at all, since by providing for your own family you've freed yourself from unreasonable expectations, cultural or not

I doubt you'll ever be able to do anything about DB's "little prince" status, but if they hope to inherit all DPs' assets, here's hoping your SIL's prepared to do all the caring. Normally I'd suggest it should be shared, but them being so amply compensated changes things and that's something I'd be happy to say if it comes to it

Your brother and his family should be living in their own place - it’s ridiculous. But whilst your parents continue to allow this to happen, there is not much you can do.

You either talk to your brother or you talk to your dad. ideally, you talk to both about this set up.

Maybe uncouth to mention but it's just so hugely unfair to you in terms of the financial support your brother has had. If you feel unable to talk can you message?

Where do your parents/ DB live?
I suspect SE. Which town?

It annoys me that people feel entitled to live in an area. If you can't afford to buy what you need (not want) in an area, then you need to look further out.

We had to do that on our property journey. In fact, fiscally, it was probably the best decision. We bought a house in an area which was a compromise, we didn't love it but we could see the benefits and that if we had to sell it, it would sell quickly. We stayed there 5 years and made a lot of money on it which enabled us to buy a lovely house in a great area

It sounds like you might have to have a chat with your DB - he might be clueless as to your parents finances

Well that will carry on into your parents' dotage

I hope you won't cave to their expectations

Or a your family thing?

It's not like that in my family

Would you tell your brother how unfair you find it?

and that you consider that consequence of him living off his parents for all these years means it is he will be the one to care for them in their old age?

Unfortunately, its misogyny. Sorry, but you did ask. I suffered from the same.

Do you see any other options?

@Bluesky91

I’m afraid you either

tell you parents straight how this gross unfairness makes you feel (obviously you think this will cause a huge fallout, but at least they will know the truth)

You back off from your family, as to be honest this complaining to you about Money is toxic

or you put up with it, feel resentful for the rest of your life and likely live with immense emotional pressure in future to look after your parents

Honestly, all you can do is distance yourself in this situation because nothing will change. It's too damaging for you to be so close. Just be 'busy', move further away if necessary and concentrate on your own nuclear family so that your own children don't suffer. Be unable to help with care later on and make it clear to your brother that this is his responsibility.

Perhaps tell your parents you have no money and that you need to move back in with DH and DC???

That house will be gifted straight to your freeloading, lazy cunt of a brother, by the way. You’ll see nothing.

And sorry @Bluesky91 , your dad sounds like an old bugger.

Yes but my understanding was that it was that the dad was complaining that it was the fault of the government for pensions being too low, they can't afford to support 5 people on them.

Then when OP essentially made the same point as you (that the pensions were supposed to be enough to support 2 retired people, not 3 dependents as well), he got annoyed. So of course he is being U.

I completely agree with you OP. It pisses me off when people refer to anything from 'the government' as some sort of magic money tree whereas it's actually coming from working people. What your dad was essentially saying is he thinks YOU should pay more in tax so HE would have more money which he would use to further support your brother.

Teaching isn't particularly low paid, ffs, most teacher's earn over the average wage by their third or fourth year and there are so many opportunities to earn more by taking leadership positions or doing extra tutoring or holiday clubs etc. His wife could also try to get a better paying job if needed, or as you say just cut their cloth appropriately. There are millions of families on a single wage or two minimum wages that manage to support themselves without staying with mummy and daddy!

Your parents are of course entitled to support your brother if they want but it's totally unreasonable to expect anyone other than themselves to fund it, and quite frankly stupid and inconsiderate to decide to moan about it to the child they AREN'T supporting!

Family unfairness is really soul destroying and doesn't seem to end. MIL gave dh a 20 quid gift voucher when we got married, his sister, her dd, got 1k. No explanation, just it is what it is. Then she got the house when mil died. We got an old chair.

It really angered me but they aren't my family so it didn't actually hurt.

I suspect you are really hurting @Bluesky91 , and looking for answers to help but theres none really, apart from your parents seeing sense and your brother stopping taking the piss.

Which will probably never happen.

Personally id be giving them all a wide berth from now on in.