Parents moaning their pensions are not enough!!

The situation won't change. Dad loves moaning about how hard done by he is, Mum obviously wants 'the leeches' living there, and brother and wife are freeloaders who recognise a good deal when they've got one (and a house thrown in at the end - win, win!). Nothing OP can do will alter that unless the parents suddenly wise up that they're being treated as cash cows and mugs.

All you can do, OP, is to be very frank in telling them all of the above. Then wash your hands of it and maintain distance. If one or both parents become ill, they will look to you, not brother and wife, to provide help and care - this is 100% guaranteed - and they'll try to guilt trip you into doing it. Brother will still be golden child and will do sod all for them.

You can't alter people like this. All you can is to remove yourself from the situation as much as possible and speak your mind if pushed.

That flew off.. what they are missing is being independent, separate and free, being grown ups. They will have to work it out. No point you getting into a tizz it is their emotional problem. Things will change. Your father both wants to be the alpha male and resents it. Your mother loves not having to face the empty nest. Your brothers family are making the best of it. I suppose your father thought you were jealous that you weren’t being looked after financially. Carefully point out to him that you value your independence and being responsible as that’s what grown ups do. Bit harsh perhaps. Also you say two pensions I assume one private for the state pension is about £10k per person a year at most (maybe up to 20 k for couple?) your brothers family earns about £50K? No wonder you are irritated.

Basically your parents are still acting as parents and that they are in charge that means they pick up the tab. What your brother and family

Im another a bit confused as to why they say they dont earn enough to live in their own home, id guess a basic teachers salary is around £30,000 a year, minimum wage for 37-40 hr week is around £27,500 joint income is more than enough for a family to live on, loads live on less.
But your dads right, pension money does not go far, i know lots of pensioners that have had to go back to work as they can not survive on basic state pension, so to cover your brothers family living cost as well. Think id be having a chat with brother on the quiet, like pay a set amount each month.

Your brother is an entitled twat - but if you don’t pick him up on it when he says “my house” or “my car”, how is he to know you have a problem with it? I would be correcting him every time he says it - “It’s not your house, it belongs to the DPs and you are just a leech letting them pay for everything.”

Even if they paid zero rent, they should contribute to bills etc.
I wonder why DF complained to you, was he expecting you to talk to DB, DM?

Not your fault, nor the government.

Don't know why he's kicking off at you, he could always sell the big house

Errr
that it’s no one’s business other than their own

I don't think there is much you can do, they are all in a codependent situation that even though your df complains it's his own fault he's in that situation. The only thing you get out of this is absolution of guilt at having to look after them in their old age. It's all on your brother

I'm sure it's easier said than done when it's your relationships at stake, but I think that if my parents were so blindly unfair, supporting one child and seemingly jealous of the other (or even expecting the 'successful' child to give them money while asking nothing of the one they're favouring and supporting)... I'd tell them once and for all that I wasn't happy with this situation and wouldn't be able to give them any more money. If they persisted in asking only me for money or crying to me about how unfair things were, without making the necessary changes to address the problems, I'd stop being available as often.

@Bluesky91 has already said that the house and a considerable private pension will go to the brother @coldcallerbaiter and @changeme4this

Teachers might not earn much but definitely enough to be paying a decent sum to your poor parents each month. Even if his wife gave them just her salary it would be something. We managed to survive and pay our mortgage on a teaching salary and a low wage. It was tight but doeable. I get that renting/mortgages is currently unaffordable but I'm not sure what their money is going on!

You have nothing to lose by asking parents about their Will and also telling them that no living costs means db has plenty in the bank or should have.

if they do not make a 50/50 Will, You should absolutely leave them all to it, they are most unfair.

Dn goes to private school- wow, that struck me.

What’s the status with their Will ?

They should be saving up their money for when that day comes. It sounds like your DB + SIL are too lady and entitled. They don’t contribute financially or otherwise now. Why would they start later? They’ll likely have more children and be ‘too busy’.

Your parents could downsize to release money if/when they need it but not while they have freeloaders living with them.

I would have whipped my DB's sponging fu#$ing as if he did this. My dad would not get upset because DB would sort it positively for them all.

Title a bit misleading. The issue is not their pensions per se, but the fact they’re supporting two families in a large house.

@Bluesky91 a 4 way split at the very least. Must have a good deposit saved. If your parents ask them to pay their way, they'll soon find a place of their own.

Surely his sisters can step up and take over from the parents! Tongue firmly wedged in cheek by the way, though it's probably how he see it.

But not your problem, let the two scroungers deal with it!

1. Your brother is taking the piss
2. People with massive houses who claim they’re poor are taking the piss.
3. v annoying all round for you, OP

I’ve been in a similar situation. Basically, your parents or brother won’t change. If you get involved, you’ll be seen as interfering and a trouble causer. But your dad clearly wanted to moan to you about it. And it might just have been a moan rather than wanting actual help. The best you can do is just listen and question things, not give an opinion or tell them how to live their lives. If you just listen and question instead, I.e. oh that’s terrible, where is all the money going? What will you do? How will you cope? Etc etc hopefully they will see the answers for themselves. There’s 4 adults in the house and all should be contributing. If they continue as they are, their pensions will run out and then what? They’ve not even taught their son how to pay the bills or take any household responsibility. I find it quite disgusting though that your brother and sil take such advantage of them but any change needs to be instigated by your parents.

It’s all well & good your Df letting off steam to you but really he needs to talk to your Db who is a free loading lazy arse; who is obviously just waiting for your darling parents to croak, he’s then sitting pretty in a lovely 5 bed house whilst your left with nothing; low salary teachers get a pretty good salary these days it’s not all doom & gloom tell the lazy sod to sort himself out

Hopefully there isn't any wills and so by law everything will go to the surviving spouse and then when that person dies the assets should be divided up 50/50. Of course that's when the real fun starts and the OP tells DB that he needs to sell the house so she can get her half.

Whether pensions can be inherited or not depends on what type of pensions they are. Not all have any survivors benefits, some do but that's more likely to be spouse only, not children as they're all over 25.

I agree you parents pensions are stretching to cover a family of 4 adults and a child. Most people would. Does your brother’s partner work?? I’m a teacher and have never truly struggled when part of a couple. When we split and I’ve got one part time salary it has been a struggle and if it wasn’t for some inheritance to pay off my mortgage I’d be very strapped with the mortgage increase. But as a couple with one a teacher I can’t see why they wouldn’t contribute to your parent’s household costs. Depending on where you live and how far up the teachers pay scale he is I can see it could be tricky buying somewhere just now and some rent can be extortionate. But they really should be paying a good chunk to your parents.