Parents moaning their pensions are not enough!!

DB won’t take a betteR paying job or a role with more responsibility

I agree with you but it still reads to me like OP things DB should be earning more

If she’s that nice, maybe talk directly to her and tell her your dad’s complained they’re running out of money each month?

That sounds very frustrating, OP. Where does all of your brother's/SIL's money go when they're not paying rent, utilities, food, and at least some childcare? Not that anyone should count on an inheritance, but I think PP are right that your parents will probably give him the house.

Op, you don't seem to have talked to your brother. Is it really impossible to have a conversation with him?

I would also agree with your Dad but either way a slight twist.

"Yes the cost of living is scary but I'm sure with 4 adults in the house with an income you will manage better than we are"

I would continually point out when her raises it that there are 4 incomes in the household versus you only having 2.

I have a feeling that when it comes down to it, Daddy and Mommy will expect OP to do the biggest load of caring because how dare their poor, misunderstood, church-mouse poor NVDS be bogged down with such tasks. That would be cruel to him!

I loved my parents to no end but if they had pulled this stuff, I would have gone "low contact" because it would have driven me crazy.

I also still think it's a form of abuse from their NVDS. Sure, the parents are going along with it but what all have they been told? What story keeps them so sure that NVDS and his DW and DD could not make it on their own? When people get older (here and coping best I can), we don't always see the forest for the trees. That's why older people are the ones most likely to fall for scams and con men (including investment scams!).

Yep they will leave everything to DB as “he cared for them” and poor boy can’t afford his own place otherwise. Exactly this happened in my family, the DC did nearly no caring but the DP provided food, childcare, meals, car and petrol for 20 years.

Why?

Hes an adult who didn't need lecturing off his offspring
Hes a pensioner that had 2 pensions. Most pensioners do. That doesn't mean he has cash

How he choses to spend thar has nothing to do with you. It still doesn't stop gik being skint at the end of the month
You sound jealous of your brother and thars the issue

I was thinking this. Be prepared not to receive anything in the future

Well, you’ve pointed it out now. Maybe your dad will reflect on some of what you’ve said.
At the end of the day, it’s between them.

Just be up front with your brother.

“Dad is too proud to say anything but you need to contribute financially to the household”

That's funny. Your DB and SIL are rarely home now with work and "other things". But, your parents hope they will magically appear and be around more if they need it or if their costs go up as they age? Don't be surprised if your NVDB talks your parents into signing the house over to him, promising them care as long as they need it and then not providing it. After all, your NVDB knows you'll step up.

Yes, I do not have a high opinion of any CFers, no matter "how" they explain away their freeloading.

I’d keep out of it. Just agree with him “yes cost of living has shot up” and move conversation on.
If you wanted to make a point you could say “I’d love to get a cleaner for a few hours” or “I’d love a bigger house/more children” or “I’d love to take DH and DD to restaurant DB is at”. Then end with “but I can’t afford it because my mortgage/bills/childcare costs so much”.
Just moan along with them. That’s all this is, a moan, as you’ve already said your parents want your DBs family living with them and seem to think it is right thing to pay for them.
Just make sure when they do need help it comes from DB and he doesn’t worm out of it or worse gets you look after them and him!

It’s not your problem OP.
Living like this either suits your parents and the arrangement is mutually beneficial.
It would be a big change to go from a busy family household to the two of them rattling round a 5 bed house.
They have to heat the house anyway, I don’t understand why they are paying the child care though.

Prepare for your DB and his wife to be gifted the house in the future.

Where has @Bluesky91 said she’s looking down on his career? It doesn’t matter whether he’s the school cook, caretaker or headteacher, he’s a freeloader taking the piss out of his retired parents.

Bluesky91 then they need to move out, live within their means/budget. Live in the real world not some pampered spoilt bit

There’s no way, I couldn’t say something to DB and SIL, like even causally drop in, how much rent do you pay living with Mum and Dad or to DIL say parents are struggling to pay for everything. Cannot understand how SIL is doing shopping but not paying for it herself. If your Dad is moaning that they have no money spare each month, ask him what he intends to do about it, sorry but your DB and SIL are taking them for granted, but they may have offered to pay and I expect your parents have said they can manage. It’s not good enough.

Nope. They’re deliberately making themselves appear helpless and homeless. If SIL works full time too they could be pulling in 80k between them.

My brother emigrated to China after marriage. He taught at a university there. Little Emperors the male students were called because they were so entitled, money showered on them. Whereas generations before had struggled.

Our international students who shared halls with my other son. Refused to clean the shared kitchen, wash up etc preferring to pay the university fines. My son and others got really fed up taking down their rubbish all the time to avoid maggots, flies so they reported them.

My friend with an Airbnb a three day stay of four asians OMG the mess . I'd given her a lift there. Not a pot, pan, cup or glass was clean. They left an hour past checkout time after phone call, text and me having a quiet word with one in the garden.

They were very polite but god, entitled or incapable, hard to tell. BUT it's their parents fault when you think about it.

Can you chat casually to your brother and SIL, drop in that you didn't realise your dad struggled so much financially with nothing left by the 20th of each month. Just see how they react to this news? Perhaps they have no idea of this. Maybe your dad is too proud to have ever made this knowledge to them.

Yup. Db and sil aren’t stupid, are they?

This.

This is financial abuse and your parents-especially your dad-seem codependent. Your brother/sil are taking full advantage of the fact your parents want to feel needed and to keep family close. What an awful situation. Can you speak to parents and maybe show them this thread so they can see what everyone is saying aswell as you? The fact he gets angry tells me deep down he knows it’s not right. Your brother is disgusting in my opinion and for someone working as a teacher-a position of responsibility- I think this is absolutely shocking and disturbing. He’s an abuser.