To feel uncomfortable by my daughter's bond with her father?

55 replies

Mumoftwinsandasingleton · 12/04/2024 21:46

I can't tell if I'm just being jealous or if I have reason to be uncomfortable with my 3 year old and my husband's bond. They are so tight that I have zero influence over my daughter and she doesn't want to spend any time with me. She loves her dad dearly and I find it sweet but I also wish she would love to spend time with me. My husband was away for one full week and my daughter was so sweet to me. I really cherished those moments. Since he came back, she treats me like dirt and doesn't want to spend any time with me. I suggested reading her a bedtime story and she immediately cried that she wanted just her dad to do it. She's like this all the time even before the holiday.

It doesn't help that my husband seems to see her as his favourite child. He always wants to spend time with her and loves her dearly. Sometimes when I'm talking to him, my 3 year old will interrupt and he'll carry on a short conversation with her as if she's more important. Then he'll look back to me and say, "so what were you saying?" I kind of feel a bit replaced by her but also know it's all completely innocent. I can't tell if I'm just a weird person who should not be bothered by their bond or if I'm being reasonable.

Further context: I didn't grow up with a father, so have no idea what is normal.
I have spoken to my husband but he says that he's the fun one and I shouldn't take it personally
He gets quite frustrated whenever I suggest our 3 year old is the favourite
He mentions that our 7 month old twins are great but that the bond is stronger between him and our 3 year old because the babies need me more right now

OP posts:

PirateIsland · 12/04/2024 21:59

If you are reading her story and one of the twins cry do you put the book down and tell her to wait a minute? What would dad do in that situation? That's not for any judgement but just to make you think about what could be going through her mind. It will not be that she doesn't like mum. All kids go through different mum and dad stages.

The conversation thing sounds totally normal for small kids in the house for either parent.

3 year olds are more fun. Have a proper conversation with him if you are getting all the time with the twins and him all with the 3 year old and work out how to fix that now they are getting older.

Notimeforaname · 12/04/2024 21:59

If all three kids only wanted you I bet youd probably be on here saying you were too overwhelmed, dd only wants you, you cant get a second and she wont let husband see to her etc.

Lots of kids do this. I was like this. Openly told my mother I loved dad more...didn't realise how it sounded as a child but I didn't actually mean it.

He was the fun one who worked all day, mum was the practical one who made me brush my teeth and told me 'no' more because I was around her more.

MissingMoominMamma · 12/04/2024 21:54

It will even out. Don’t worry!

MidnightPatrol · 12/04/2024 21:53

I’m sure with 7 month old twins, much of your attention is taken up by them, meaning she turns to Daddy instead.

IMO children go through periods of being obsessed with either parent. Normal, if a bit mean feeling at times.

I’d be trying to carve out more 1-2-1 time with her.

And regarding favouritism… a three year old probably is more fun than 7 month old twins tbh. I don’t think it’s fair to ask him that!

ConfrontationDoesntHaveToBeScarey · 12/04/2024 21:51

With 7 months twins is a good job she's fond of her Dad! She probs sees you so busy with the babies so it's easier for her Dad to give her attention. It will be a phase though.

I'm not sure how you would have wanted him to handle her interruption any different. She is the important one as she's the child and she won't have the social skills to know how not to interrupt yet. I don't think he did anything wrong there.

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