To think that giving your young child a smartphone is very stupid?

Exactly. Much the same as we gradually teach them the rules for physical independence in phases

My dd was 9 when she got her phone. We have a middle school system and she walks to school, sometimes calls asking for a lift or go to the park with a friend. Everything excluding calls and SMS are locked down, and she only has mine and DH, friend who lives near school and her best friend's number for emergencies. There are friend Whatsapp groups but she's not allowed to be part of them, and has no access to the internet.

Mine have had phones since they were 8ish, but they live with their dad some of the time so wanted a way to stay in touch
They were only allowed close family as.contacts on their phone till year 6 and DH works in an area related to IT security so spent a lot of time sorting their settings.

I don't think blanket statements are helpful.

A child is too young to have unsupervised access, or access that allows them to be included in random WhatsApp groups, at the age or nine.

It’s a bit like saying you won’t allow a child to watch tv until they are 18 because some things that can be seen on it are suitable even though there are restrictions that means perfectly suitable content is available at the time the child is watching.

In the nicest possible way OP but you really do not have a fucking clue.

Wait until you have kids and then get to the stage where you have to negotiate these things and come back and have a conversation then.

Yes allowing a 9 yr old unrestricted access to WhatsApp is crap. But age appropriate and lots of open discussion about the pitfalls and monitoring when they are young is the way forward. Completely saying no is also, in this day and age, unworkable. No phone until they are 16. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

If you have kids you'll look back at all the crap you spouted about what parents should do and cringe so bloody hard.

At that age tbh, I would be explaining that there are awful people in the world. It looks awful written down but that's what we've done. Not gone into huge detail but we have let her know bad things can happen. The older she gets, the more (awful) detail we give. Small steps. It's terrible we have to do it.

I swear the most stressful part of parenting to date has been deciding on a Roblox name that doesn't scream 'I'm a cute little minor, come groom me!'

DD is nearly 5 and has never held a tablet. DS is 1

Aye come back in a few years 🤣

And yes there are reasons as outlined by some on this thread.

We're at the stage with our eldest where she has asked for a phone multiple times.

She will get one on her 11th birthday, which is a couple of months before she starts secondary school. She'll start walking herself to and from school as soon as she gets her phone, which will be a smart phone as we will have find my friend activated.

She won't be able to have TikTok/insta/snapchat/fb - so really it'll be no different to her iPad, except she'll be able to take it out and about.

She's also been told that until she turns 16 we will be able to check her phone any time we want - photos, group chats etc. Would like to think I'd have no reason to check personal messages between her and a friend though.

An surely they need them at secondary school now for the apps for homework they all seem to have now

There is no reason for any under 11 to have a handheld screen, and anyone who says otherwise is kidding themselves. DD is nearly 5 and has never held a tablet. DS is 1 and I have only recently allowed the TV on in the background while he plays. Maybe I’m overly cautious but I’m convinced a ton of really awful research about the effects of screens on the developing brain is about to emerge.

It's not about the phones as such, it's more to do with lazy parenting. As someone else has said previously. Handing a kid a phone with access to whatsapp/Roblox/Snapchat without 1st making sure it has the right settings for a child is just daft.

We monitor my 11yr old daughters phone and Ipad. We discuss Internet safety ( IE not using real name/age/location) and explain why she is allowed/not allowed certain apps even though others in her year group get free reign when it comes to phones/Internet.

She understands why we are saying no, we do try to explain it in age appropriate way ( instead of just saying there are real dickheads in the world.)

My eldest is 12 and doesn't have a smart phone. Their school bus has a phone and will text us if there are any issues. He has a (restricted) ipad for school use. He isn't bothered about not having one.

yup

They were a godsend in lockdown. DD didn't have her own one at that stage but she spent a lot of time on Facetime.

The thing is op the world has moved on - if you leave it as late as 16 these days then bullying and teasing is likely. This happened to my friend's child who was the last to get one and she was 14.

9 is too young though imo. There has to be a middle ground.

My kid had one when she was nine. A hand me down. People can judge but when she was nine we were in lockdown, it was only me and her, and I had to work full time. She was able to call friends and family to chat and play games and do homework with her granny over video call. People can judge but for us this kept her in touch when she needed to be most.
Sometimes they have a place.

My eldest 2 had phones when they started secondary school, so 11yrs old. But they were restricted, timed usage and parental locked Internet access and I had access to check messages etc. I also explained that they could not share others peoples numbers without consent and blocked whataspp groups that were becoming problematic. It's about them being responsible and you being a responsible parent. There are ways to set these restrictions within apps or apps to enable parents to set limitations.
I do agree that peer pressure from younger kids whose parents have let them have phones at 9 yes old makes it difficult, but what does a 9/10yr old need a phone for?? If they need it because they're walking home from school, there are still basic call only phones available (in fact my son had one of those first and was another year before he got a smart phone).

My 10 year old has my old phone (I'm not going to buy one specially for him) which he uses so he can contact me when he goes to his dads. My 13 year old had one from 11, so that he could contact me from school (although he rarely uses it, prefers to use his ipad).

All their devices are locked down, no-one can contact them who's not on the list and they can't install apps without me OKing it.

I am comfortable with this. We've had and continue to have conversations about dangers in real life and on the internet.

DS 11 has a smartphone. DD 8 doesn't, but uses an old phone of mine (with no SIM card and no social media) to play games and watch programmes on Disney+, Netflix, Youtube. In practice the difference between him having 'his own' phone and her using 'my' phone is just that he has a phone number, can text a select group of friends (but no WhatsApp groups etc) plus he has more input into regulating his use of the device, charging it, and occasionally deciding to take it out with him. He often chooses to leave it at home though, which I find encouraging!

They both sign into Android using their own Google accounts which I control through Google Family Link. This means I have to approve what apps they install and what content age ratings they can access through streaming services etc., plus I can set time limits for access, see the location of the device, see stats on when and where they've accessed what apps, etc.

Having a phone is really not much different from having access to a tablet or any other smart device. Some tablets can have SIM cards and make calls, and a phone without a SIM can't do anything a tablet can't.

What matters is not that a child has a phone or doesn't have a phone, but what devices they use, how long for, how you regulate their use and how you transition to allowing them to regulate their own device use.

This! There's another thread on this ATM as it happens. I said we got our 12 y/o a phone this year in advance of secondary school. I wanted her to get used to it, and us to get used to monitoring in advance of secondary. All well so far thank god. I think 16 is a bit much in today's world tbh.

It’s difficult not to have a smartphone at secondary age.
Homework is set and completed on apps sometimes and bus tickets are digital and stored on phones. Having the ability to listen to music on your phone makes the journey to and from school more pleasant too.
Admittedly the homework could be done on a laptop or tablet but they aren’t wildly different to a smartphone.
I think a lot of children have smartphones without a SIM because they are used instead of handheld consoles like gameboys/tablets or they are taken when they travel between 2 separated parents.

I have a 16 and a 13 year old. They’ve had phones since age 11. I don’t know a single one of their friends that doesn’t have a phone. With proper supervision it’s fine.

My DSD is 6 and has a phone too. No SIM card. We downloaded an app called Kinzoo so she can contact us and other family members. It's really helping her spelling but the facetimes and voice notes every time I go to the toilet are getting slightly irritating haha! The "I love you" messages we've been getting while she's been at holiday camp have been super cute though.

When you give your kid access to the internet then the internet also has access to them...

I'd recommend supervised and restricted internet access only until at least 14-15 provided the child is emotionally mature.