@MistressoftheDarkSide Sending much love back.
Having a cuppa whilst she eats her breakfast at last.
This morning’s batshittery? Having a full temper tantrum because I’ve asked her to hop in the shower. She has refused every day for 3 weeks. She has taken up a game of weeing on the loo floor and clearing it up with toilet roll & her feet.
This only occurs when I am not here. I have caught her doing it. She will also wee into her waste paper basket.
She has told friends and family that she has to do this because I won’t stay at hers at night to help her to the toilet.
I do not help her to the toilet during the day when I am here. She doesn’t need the help and has been assessed by OT & ASC as being able to toilet herself. Indeed this is what she tells to the med care she does receive.
She has also told me that she does it ‘to pay me back for being a naughty child and soiling myself at 5.
Sister and I were sexually abused by a teen cousin when we were 4/5 in his bedroom whilst she chatted to her sister in law in the lounge. I can remember being sent upstairs to play ‘so the grown ups can talk’.
Mum has never accepted this could ever happen; I think I was soiling myself due to fear, shame, and trying in a small child’s way to stop anyone being interested in anything in my pants.
Anyway, she is refusing to shower, even just her feet, this morning.
Both parents were hygiene refusers, I have bought every aid to help keep her clean. Dad went a record 18 months refusing a shower (again, he had capacity). And to be honest doing a round trip of 400 miles to pop on a swimming costume & help him in the shower again was even a stretch for a chronic people pleaser like me.
Thank god DH helps me for the first 45mins a of my day with her (and her last) so I have a witness for a lot of her behaviour. And we ensure DH uses a recording feature on his phone so that, on the rare days I am ill & he does the basics, any accusations she’ll make are documented (and there have been plenty over the 30 years DH & I have been together).
As you’ll know, narcissists love to lie & triangulate to separate people and make them the victim if a lie is uncovered.
So, we’ve had a temper tantrum; she’s also taken her beloved tv remote upstairs and refuses to go up there to get it. She won’t ask for anything outright; just moans and whines until we capitulate and do it for her.
She’ll not die of the TV being off whilst she eats her breakfast as I type this.
I’m just finishing a crafty roll up (revolting habit I know) before I go and cut her hedge. In a full back brace today due to pain; not letting DH do it as he’s awaiting shoulder surgery and I can’t face a whole weekend of him shambling in his grey Dressing Gown of Doom 😂.
It’s all fucked, and I know many people have far tougher battles than I, so I’m sending love to all who deal with the utter batshittery of this bloody disorder.
Narcissist Personality Disorder isn’t your parents not buying you a Mr Frosty at Christmas (although I don’t get one either, DH bought one for me our first Christmas together, and it is and was completely useless rofl). It’s a horrible, insidious poison that drips through your first memories as a child and keeps on coming.
Keep strong everyone who deals with this. We’re not alone, I’m always here if anyone needs to shout into something other than the abyss.
But not right now as there’s a hedge to cut lol! Thank god for good opiates and a banging back brace that yes, does make me walk like Kryten, but means I can keep on trucking!