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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I have left him

55 replies

Whydidshedothis · 12/04/2024 00:53

I went out to meet some friends without my baby for the first time.
My baby is very clingy and always cries for me, even when my partner tries to take the baby.
My friend came back from aboard so we all met up for lunch.
I could tell my partner wasn't too keen about being left by himself but he agreed to watch the baby.
About one hour in, he messaged me saying 'hope you are having fun as he is crying hs eyes out' and then sent me two videos 5 mins apart of my baby crying.
I felt bad at the time and couldn't enjoy rest of the lunch. I left early (finished lunch) but didn't go with them for dessert due to this.
At the time I thought 'oh he's having such a tough time' but when I told my friend later on what happened, she told me my of partner is a narcissist and toxic.
He has this toxic tendency but every other way he is amazing. He makes me laugh, supports me financially so I can afford to take a year maternity and pays for everything.
Am I over thinking? Or am I a bug (unreasonable)

OP posts:
lambwool · 12/04/2024 01:31

To some extent it depends on age but that is so awful to send videos of the baby crying and to comment like that!
Even if a baby does have separation anxiety, as the FATHER he should be doing everything he can to soothe the child.

therealcookiemonster · 12/04/2024 01:31

Hi OP, it's really hard to say based on this one example alone. your baby might just be going through a clingy phase, how old is he/she?

In a certain light it comes across very poorly and would be a serious issue if this behaviour by your hubbie becomes a trend.

however given this is the first time this has happened, I would use it as an opportunity to have a non confrontational chat with him. it could be he was feeling overwhelmed and distressed due to not being able to settle baby. he may also feel insecure that baby cries for you even when with him and could be feeling inadequate as a first time parent. this can explain his behaviour.

explain to him how his msgs made you feel and agree a plan going forward re you getting regular outside adult time for your MH. explain your boundaries etc. and then see how you get on next time. if the pattern repeats, then it's time to get worried.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 12/04/2024 01:26

How old is the baby? If you're only a few weeks in and both massively sleep deprived then it's forgivable to completely lose the plot when you're just so desperate for the crying to stop. If the baby is more like 6 months old and a bit more manageable then you DH is a nasty controlling arse and I'd be seriously reconsidering the relationship.

Runnerinthenight · 12/04/2024 01:15

He's a controlling arsehole! No 1 he should be able to settle his own baby and no 2, he should have left you to enjoy your lunch instead of putting the guilts on you!! Not impressed!! He did that deliberately!!

MonkeyToez · 12/04/2024 00:59

Whats the point of him if he can't watch his own baby for a couple of hours?

Perhaps suggest to him that next time he tries comforting the baby instead of videoing him crying to guilt trip you into doing all the hard work