Wedding rings and DD/DSD

"We had a minor ding dong about it in which he said he didn’t think it was fair and as he paid for them he should get to decide where they go after."

I had a sharp intake of breath there, OP!

Yes, he paid for them. And GIFTED them to you. The rings belong to you and you alone. Shocking attitude on his part there.

Word of warning, my aunt died, one of her sisters was to have a particular piece of jewellery, but it was gone before sister could collect, presumed taken by one of the step daughters.
Unless you give away your possessions during your lifetime, there's no guarantee that the person who you choose will be the recipient.

No becasue OPs kids presumably do not spend time with her partners ex, whereas stepdaughter will spend time with her Dad, Stepmum and half siblings. The aim is surely to blend the family and make all the kids feel equally important to Dad and Stepmum.

DSD should absolutely NOT be considered for a ring which symbolises the wedding between your daughter's 2 parents. If DSD receives any ring it should have been that which symbolised the wedding between both her own parents. And as they were never married there is no ring to leave.

I can't believe your DH's thinking actually - it's laughable! What if your DH HAD been married to DSD's mum - by the same token his ex should be leaving one of her rings to your DD! And how silly does that sound!

YABU. They're your rings do you can leave them to who you want but it seems a bit mean excluding her. And assuming they'll have no sentimental value to her does point out that you don't have the best relationship. Surely she is part of your family too? Also how upset you seem to be at the idea her dad could just buy her a ring without getting you another one too is odd.

Sounds like it's all been sorted now at least anyway!

In reality, I don't think the stepdaughter has any expectations, its the OPs partner and his opinion on the subject that is the concern.

I would not expect nor have any emotional attachment to my step mums rings despite being very close with her. I would much rather have my dad's ring. Similarly I would be surprised if my mum gave my step sister one of her rings from her new marriage but also wouldn't be too bothered as I would feel more attached to the rings from my parents marriage, if they were never married then I don't think I would feel too fussed about my parents remarried rings and probably wouldn't think much on it. I doubt your step daughter would care, unless she's a money grabber and you're rocking multiple carats 😂

All my jewellery is going to our daughter, my DHs to our son when I die. The 2 x SDs won't get jewellery or anything else since their dad died in 2016. I gave them money from his life insurance when he died which they each used as a deposit for a house - they were 30 and 27 yo. They also received items to remind them of their dad. Our DCs were only 13 and 14 when he died so they will inherit everything when I die.

Yeah I can see where you are coming from on this. My dad died and his jewellery was left to me, including his wedding ring. Stepmum asked if she could hang onto it all until she died. and I said yes, I understood it was special to her.

The ring was special to me too as the man I loved, my Dad wore it and that had a relevance to both me and my stepmum, we both loved him. My stepsister (who lived with her Dad) did not love my Dad so to her it was just easy money and upon her Mums death the ring mysteriously disappeared along with all the jewellery. I would have kept it as a loving keepsake of my Dad. I can see parallels with your potential situation. Or are we pre-judging your step-daughter, only you know the status of the relationship.

However, your husband has three children not two and whilst I do totally get where you are coming from, if I loved my husband, I would probably leave one of those three rings to my stepdaughter to evidence we are a blended family. Your kids get to keep your stepdaughters Dad full time, she presumably gets limited access if she lives with her Mum? Sorry I maybe making some incorrect assumptions here, in which case apologies, but hopefully you will get my drift.

Hubby feels the need to equalise all his children, that is admirable and if you could find it in your heart to do it, I think it would mean the world to him before you consider the stepdaughter.

But again, I see your point and understand your feelings, its a tough one.

Why should ds get dads ring over his other daughter? Just like you’ve decided who gets your rings, let your dh decide who gets his. Might be a man’s ring, but could be formed into another piece of jewellery for his daughter (your dsd), if he chooses. But it’s his decision anyway…not yours.

I would imagine she would be just as happy with her dad’s wedding ring? He could will it to her.

It is obviously your choice. But I don’t think it’s crazy to consider giving one to your step-daughter. I remember seeing the Will of a family I nannied for (I wasn’t really snooping, they just left it on the table) and thought it was lovely that the mum had left her wedding ring to her stepdaughter and the engagement ring to her eldest daughter. I felt it showed that she truly considered her family, and loved her as her own. She married the dad when SD was about 8.

OP, they are YOUR rings, so YOU get to decide whom to leave them to!

People are traditionally buried with their wedding ring. So you can take that one out of the argument at least!

Wow, really aggressive and unpleasant to XelaM there OP. It does look weird to keep saying "sale" instead of sell, I wondered if it was a regional thing. Hardly worth namecalling over is it.

I am with your DH here. He bought the rings. So I think you have an obligation to carry out his wishes. Bit selfish if you don't.

For me, jewellery is a very personal thing passed from mothers to daughters. I agree with you, OP. Same as I wouldn’t expect your daughter to wish for any personal items from her step dad.

I worked for a jewellers and it is criminal the prices they give. My DM was burgles to the sim of around £30k and she got £13k but only as I had receipts and dates of most of it. She had to fight for 18mths for pay out too.

I took a friends to be sold- twice valued at £10k independently in addition to the purchase 'price/valuation' and couldn't get an offer above £600 from a range of jewellers/auctioneers/pawnbrokers at all ranges.

They are your rings. Leave them to who you want. I do think it would be odd to leave any of them to your DSD - I have step daughters, and it just wouldn’t occur to me to leave my rings to them, I’m not their mum..

Your rings, you decide. She can have his wedding ring.