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Original poster

Wedding rings and DD/DSD

441 replies

TheCheekyKob · 11/04/2024 23:56

I recently had my wedding/Engagement & eternity ring valued at a jewellers for insurance purposes.

A discussion happened after and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

I made a passing comment that it was nice they were valued at more then what we realised but it didn’t really matter as I wouldn’t ever sale them and plan to pass them down to our daughter anyway eventually.

DH was confused and presumed I would pass one to his DSD and I corrected him and said no, I planned to pass all 3 to our daughter as they are my rings. We had a minor ding dong about it in which he said he didn’t think it was fair and as he paid for them he should get to decide where they go after.

I completely disagree with this as yes he may have bought them but he gave them to me! They are the rings that signify our relationship and DSD would probably flog is straight away to get a few quid.

Just for background proposes DH and DSD mum were never married or engaged.

So should I be sharing the rings?

OP posts:
Bugbabe1970 · 15/04/2024 21:56

They are your rings to do as you wish!
my rings will go to my daughter as they should. My mothers rings went to my eldest sister and she will also pass them onto my daughter and not her DIL to ensure they stay in the family - unless she has a granddaughter and then they will be shared
You have no obligation to leave your step daughter your rings if you are close or not - she can inherit from her own mother

Runningbird43 · 15/04/2024 21:15

Hocuspocusnonsense · 15/04/2024 21:01

My ex fiancé asked for my engagement ring back because ‘he bought it’ so felt it belonged to him if we split. My solicitor said it was a gift so it belonged to me.

Traditionally don’t you return the ring if you break the engagement?

Hocuspocusnonsense · 15/04/2024 21:01

My ex fiancé asked for my engagement ring back because ‘he bought it’ so felt it belonged to him if we split. My solicitor said it was a gift so it belonged to me.

CrappySack · 15/04/2024 20:21

SnozPoz · 15/04/2024 20:14

I have two DSD and my own DD... not sure why but I have my family rings I would give to my DD, but my engagement ring I will probably give to one of my DSDs... whatever happens I always believe in fairly sharing out inheritance. I wouldn't want any bad blood between the girls

How would you choose which DSD gets the engagement ring? I think that would be more likely to lead to bad feeling.

Surely it would make more sense to give your DD wedding related rings and share out other ones if that's what you'd like to do.

I'd think it was really weird if my stepmum left me her engagement ring and not my half-sister who was literally a product of her and my dad's marriage.

It would be really awkward and I'd just give it to my sister.

Antibetty · 15/04/2024 20:15

Do what you want, they are your rings. However, you must make sure they are mentioned in your will, otherwise, who knows what will happen to them?

SnozPoz · 15/04/2024 20:14

I have two DSD and my own DD... not sure why but I have my family rings I would give to my DD, but my engagement ring I will probably give to one of my DSDs... whatever happens I always believe in fairly sharing out inheritance. I wouldn't want any bad blood between the girls

CrappySack · 15/04/2024 20:14

TheCheekyKob · 15/04/2024 20:08

Already said multiple times she’s getting left her dads watch. 🙄

It’s because I don’t own any other pieces except my nans wedding rings. Which I obviously won’t be gifting her.

also didn’t realise that just because people made a suggestion I had to answer it.

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People are so weird on here about stepparents.

Original poster
TheCheekyKob · 15/04/2024 20:08

StormingNorman · 15/04/2024 19:58

OP doesn’t want to leave her anything. It’s not about the rings in particular.

This has been suggested and ignored quite a few times.

Edited
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Already said multiple times she’s getting left her dads watch. 🙄

It’s because I don’t own any other pieces except my nans wedding rings. Which I obviously won’t be gifting her.

also didn’t realise that just because people made a suggestion I had to answer it.

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 15/04/2024 19:58

KAM12345 · 15/04/2024 19:50

Do you not have another less sentimental piece of jewellery you could l leave her to show you care?

OP doesn’t want to leave her anything. It’s not about the rings in particular.

This has been suggested and ignored quite a few times.

KAM12345 · 15/04/2024 19:50

Do you not have another less sentimental piece of jewellery you could l leave her to show you care?

Havinganamechange · 15/04/2024 19:43

YANBU, DH can give DSD what he wants but you give your rings to your daughter.

Original poster
TheCheekyKob · 15/04/2024 19:42

Mumofferal3 · 15/04/2024 19:35

Exactly this.

Lots will disagree but I think DSD should be allowed something from her father but the OP thinks that is wrong.

Tbh I have avoided reading replies as I know I am in the minority and don't feel the need to retalliate. Some comments by OP haven't been very kind either.

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And some comments Iv had haven’t been very kind either. It goes two ways. People shouldn’t give it if they can’t take it.

DSD is getting something from her father. A watch. Something that is his and not mine. That’s fair.

OP posts:
Mumofferal3 · 15/04/2024 19:35

OldPerson · 15/04/2024 19:26

Why are you so limited in thinking?

If you're not grasping after the financial, and only engaged in the emotional sentiment of passing down very important rings - which should pass down to your daughter, because that's the continuity.

Why doesn't dad create - or promise to create - a ring of equal value to pass down to his "illegitimate" daughter who is likely to inherit very little.

Seriously, when you take all the property inheritance into evaluation, and he dies first, non-important daughter probably get a hugely lesser share than your daughter.

So why don't you bless dad making a ring just for his daughter, of equal value, just to your engagement ring, for just this daughter, that you don't want included in the inheritance.

That would be a special father-daughter bond.

Or do you hate her?

Exactly this.

Lots will disagree but I think DSD should be allowed something from her father but the OP thinks that is wrong.

Tbh I have avoided reading replies as I know I am in the minority and don't feel the need to retalliate. Some comments by OP haven't been very kind either.

OldPerson · 15/04/2024 19:26

Why are you so limited in thinking?

If you're not grasping after the financial, and only engaged in the emotional sentiment of passing down very important rings - which should pass down to your daughter, because that's the continuity.

Why doesn't dad create - or promise to create - a ring of equal value to pass down to his "illegitimate" daughter who is likely to inherit very little.

Seriously, when you take all the property inheritance into evaluation, and he dies first, non-important daughter probably get a hugely lesser share than your daughter.

So why don't you bless dad making a ring just for his daughter, of equal value, just to your engagement ring, for just this daughter, that you don't want included in the inheritance.

That would be a special father-daughter bond.

Or do you hate her?

Original poster
TheCheekyKob · 15/04/2024 19:00

linsey2581 · 15/04/2024 18:37

How do you not know that your daughter would sell them for a few pounds ??

Well she might but there is less chance she will then DSD for obvious reasons.

I wouldn’t sell my great nans wedding ring or either of my nans wedding rings that I have for sentimental reasons. If I was about to become homeless then clearly I would rethink but until then.

OP posts:
Waterbaby41 · 15/04/2024 18:40

I am a step mum to 2 daughters, plus mum to one. My rings are being willed to DD, DSD x 2, my sister and nieces. All have been chosen to go to who I think will value them most, and the history of each ring is written on a little card in a ring box. I wouldn't dream of not including my DSD in leaving my rings.

linsey2581 · 15/04/2024 18:37

How do you not know that your daughter would sell them for a few pounds ??

Original poster
TheCheekyKob · 15/04/2024 18:04

SemperIdem · 15/04/2024 17:35

The snide “not destined to be disadvantaged by a stable family” is an odd comment for a variety of reasons. I’m not surprised you lack the insight to see that, considering you posted it at all.

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I wouldn’t even bother to reply to storm, through out the thread they have posted a load of odd comments.

OP posts:
Mamasperspective · 15/04/2024 17:52

Your rings, she will get passes jewellery down from her mum no doubt

StormingNorman · 15/04/2024 17:40

SemperIdem · 15/04/2024 17:35

The snide “not destined to be disadvantaged by a stable family” is an odd comment for a variety of reasons. I’m not surprised you lack the insight to see that, considering you posted it at all.

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There are a lot of comments about the SD gaining some sort of unfair advantage. I made the post to point out DD wouldn’t be disadvantaged at all. The value of a stable family and happy childhood far outweighs any financial gain from a possible small inheritance SD might get from her SM.

I’m surprised you lacked the insight to realise I was making a point.

SemperIdem · 15/04/2024 17:35

StormingNorman · 15/04/2024 16:56

In what way?

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The snide “not destined to be disadvantaged by a stable family” is an odd comment for a variety of reasons. I’m not surprised you lack the insight to see that, considering you posted it at all.

ChickenT2b · 15/04/2024 17:32

I think it depends on your relationship with DSD and how long/from what age you have been in each others lives. I don’t have any bio kids yet but couldn’t imagine leaving all of mine just to my own future children. I could imagine leaving my most expensive (engagement) to my bio child and say wedding ring/earrings to DSDs. But then I have a very loving and close relationship with both of my step daughters from a young age.

Of course it’s your decision, not his. Likewise with his personal items.

StormingNorman · 15/04/2024 16:56

SemperIdem · 15/04/2024 15:37

What a strange comment.

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In what way?

upthehills1 · 15/04/2024 16:07

LuckyPeonies · 15/04/2024 15:53

I agree. But, that also means OP’s relationship with stepdaughter is not close enough for her to want to bequest one of her rings. And as they are her rings, she should get to decide whom to leave them to, without pressure and guilting.

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Yes agreed it doesn’t sound like they’re close, only she knows the ins and out of their relationship

InterIgnis · 15/04/2024 15:55

StormingNorman · 15/04/2024 15:32

Daughter might get how own step mum one day. Then she’ll inherit from two women too. Look on the bright side…she’s not destined to be disadvantaged by a stable family.

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There’s no ‘too’ here - OP isn’t leaving her stepdaughter an inheritance.

It’s fine if some stepparents want to leave their stepchild/ren something, and it’s equally fine if they don’t.