Wedding rings and DD/DSD

I am speaking from experience. Obviously you know this intellectually- but you can’t actually plan on not dying. You can do your best but you don’t have ultimate control over that. My mother made a huge deal, for decades, about “her rings”. I never wear jewellery, apart from my own wedding ring. It made her feel very powerful. They have disappeared. I believe I know who has or had them. I’m glad. I couldn’t care less. Inheritance comes in all sorts of forms! Having sorted out the mess of my parents’ estate, uncovered reams of letters, , going back to the 70s where she and other family members (female) were contesting wills and accusing attorneys (family is US) - I honestly believe it’s not worth it. Certainly make things fair. But please don’t make a big deal about rings. Let them remember you for more than that.

Is he an idiot ! or just controlling ?

Your daughter is a product of your marriage to him

his daughter is not a product of your marriage

his daughter can inherit from her mother, and from your husband - her father

your daughter can inherit from you and from your husband - her father

does he really believe anything and everything he has ever bought you / given to you belongs to him

Whats with the bitchy comment regarding sd flogging them?

It's clear you don't see her as part of your family so just tell him that and be done.

But you don’t seem to like her? It is clearly inconceivable to you that she might have the sentimental attachment to your jewellery that most women do to jewellery they’ve inherited from family and friends, not just their mum. Your assumption the only possible outcome is her selling them clearly shows that you can’t imagine her having sentimental attachment. I wouldn’t sell anything I’ve been bequeathed. What other explanation is there except that you don’t like her and she doesn’t like you? (Bit of a drop feed if the next post is that she refuses to visit her dad if you’re in the house or similar, or she’s a long term drug addict and would sell a shoelace if you gave her one)

Sorry - financial value isn’t really relevant.

I think it’s important that your DH understands this.

I don’t get this. My grandparents weren’t my mum and dad’s marriage and I treasure grandmas jewellery. My aunt was single and I think of her regularly while wearing her earrings. My neighbour was unrelated to me, and I love the tea set I have of hers. Jewellery is very sentimental, but it doesn’t seem relevant it’s not her mum and dad’s marriage and a very odd way to look at it. Basically are you trying to say there is zero affection between you?

i do agree wedding jewellery is very sentimental, but with 3 rings I think it would be very normal for one to go to the dsd, absent other major factors. Look at it another way- you accepting them from your dh was you agreeing to be dsds stepmother.

So the value isn’t really relevant.

Your DD might sell them too.

No! They were a gift to you thus they are yours.

It would be v odd to give them to your DSD, unless you’ve raised her as your own, as she is not a product of your marriage

What is he on??

Bitchy bitchy. How do you know she would sell them? Maybe dad can buy her a ring?

Have you spoken to her to know what she’d do with it or are you just shit talking. You don’t seem to like her.

I wouldn’t over think it OP, you’re quite right to pass your jewellery down to your daughter (or whoever you want to - sister, friend, goddaughter whatever). It’s your choice.

I can however see that he does not want his daughter to feel left out, she is the same to him as your shared daughter, so of course he doesn’t like the idea. Even if you have a very fair point and are not being unreasonable.

I’d simply say “hmm I don’t know if DSD would want a ring from me seeing as I’m not her mum… but anyway I won’t be dying any time soon so….”

also, and I genuinely mean this and not being a dick. Pretty much half of marriages don’t make it to the death bed separation so I REALLY wouldn’t overly worry about it.

The resale value isn’t necessarily anywhere near the replacement value, so inherited rings are often of sentimental importance only.

Your rings so you get to decide. Make a will asap so there is no dispute.

Why would you want a ring your dad bought for your step mother?

Also, the DD is DSDs half sister, not step sister.

They were given to you as a gift, so they are yours to decide whatever you want to do with them.

But they symbolise your marriage to DH (engagement ring and wedding ring) and your everlasting love with DH (eternity ring).

If it were me, I would share between your child and your stepchild.
I'd give the engagement and wedding rings to the child of the marriage, and the eternity ring to the stepchild as a gesture that you and she welcomed each other into the new family when you married DH.

But your choice entirely. DH gave the rings to you, they belong to you.

Is that the replacement value or the resale value?

So set aside the equivalent in cash for her and be done with it.