Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding rings and DD/DSD

441 replies

TheCheekyKob · 11/04/2024 23:56

I recently had my wedding/Engagement & eternity ring valued at a jewellers for insurance purposes.

A discussion happened after and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

I made a passing comment that it was nice they were valued at more then what we realised but it didn’t really matter as I wouldn’t ever sale them and plan to pass them down to our daughter anyway eventually.

DH was confused and presumed I would pass one to his DSD and I corrected him and said no, I planned to pass all 3 to our daughter as they are my rings. We had a minor ding dong about it in which he said he didn’t think it was fair and as he paid for them he should get to decide where they go after.

I completely disagree with this as yes he may have bought them but he gave them to me! They are the rings that signify our relationship and DSD would probably flog is straight away to get a few quid.

Just for background proposes DH and DSD mum were never married or engaged.

So should I be sharing the rings?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
DaisyChain505 · 18/04/2024 20:24

You are not her mother, the ring wouldn’t mean anything sentimental to her and she would probably end up selling it. The rings are yours and it’s up to you who you give them to. Don’t be pressured by him.

Nottodaythankyou123 · 18/04/2024 20:13

I don’t think I’d want or expect the rings my dad bought my stepmum. I love her to pieces but they’d be for her daughter not me 🤷🏼‍♀️ I can’t actually put my finger on why, just that I’d expect my mum to leave her jewellery to me and my sisters, and my step mum to leave hers to her daughter. I don’t think YABU at all!

Mumofferal3 · 18/04/2024 18:05

JanetareyouokareyouokJanet · 17/04/2024 15:32

My step sister wouldn’t want my mums rings, but I wouldn’t have a massive issue if she was left one. I think it’s fair she gets left something else though.

I think this is what most people are trying to say from camp share. But OP has it in her head that only her kids should benefit from the situation.

How ironic would it be if her DD was to give one to DSD once she's gone.

Lola2321 · 18/04/2024 10:22

They are your rings to give to whom you wish. Marriage and engagement symbolise yours and your husbands marriage and eternity I assume was given on birth of your dd.

StormingNorman · 18/04/2024 07:23

Runningbird43 · 18/04/2024 02:47

What do boys get? do they get an equal monetary value?

stepdaughter isn’t being treated any differently to any sons.

If you’re going to go on about treating kids equally it should apply to all.

Read the OP’s posts.

Runningbird43 · 18/04/2024 02:47

What do boys get? do they get an equal monetary value?

stepdaughter isn’t being treated any differently to any sons.

If you’re going to go on about treating kids equally it should apply to all.

SemperIdem · 17/04/2024 23:52

ShatnerssBasoon · 17/04/2024 17:59

@SpanThatWorld I am also a step daughter and I can tell you it's made a difference to me that I was never seen as an equal child in my step parents eyes.. as a child it hurt very much. I knew I was not thier child whatever I did.

Why is that not ok? You quite literally were not their child.

CrappySack · 17/04/2024 20:50

SpanThatWorld · 17/04/2024 15:55

I am a step-daughter. I got on fine with my step-parents but never saw them as my mum or dad and they didn't see me as their daughter. Of course their personal belongings went to their children, not me.

I now have 3 (adult) step-kids. I've been married to their dad for 25 years but they don't love me like a mum and I don't love them like my own children. But we get on ok.

Step-families come in many shapes and sizes and there are many ways for them to work well. It is not "sad" when they don't operate according to a single blueprint.

Show quote history

Same here. It's ok that a step parent relationship is different to a parent one.

snowlady4 · 17/04/2024 18:21

I wouldn't give this too much attention right now.
They're your rings. Your will needs to state that they go to your daughter when you die. Don't mention it to your husband again. It could turn into a much bigger thing than necessary.
I doubt his daughter will want or expect a piece of jewellery from you. Maybe she'd like her dads watch or ring or something.
If you were very close, it might be a nice gesture to leave her a piece of jewellery but I don't think expected/necessary/traditional.
As for 'who paid for them,' I would ignore that completely.

SpanThatWorld · 17/04/2024 18:07

ShatnerssBasoon · 17/04/2024 17:59

@SpanThatWorld I am also a step daughter and I can tell you it's made a difference to me that I was never seen as an equal child in my step parents eyes.. as a child it hurt very much. I knew I was not thier child whatever I did.

I also knew I wasn't their child. I was my parents' child.

RhiannonTheRed · 17/04/2024 18:05

Bluegaze · 16/04/2024 20:58

no it isn’t and if you don’t know it I imagine your one of those people that get highly offended easily and often.

Show quote history

I'm not highly offended by things, in fact I'm fairly chill as a person. I just can't stand bullies who think semantics will hide their intentions. You're just a bully, and I'm happy and proud to call you one.

ShatnerssBasoon · 17/04/2024 17:59

@SpanThatWorld I am also a step daughter and I can tell you it's made a difference to me that I was never seen as an equal child in my step parents eyes.. as a child it hurt very much. I knew I was not thier child whatever I did.

SpanThatWorld · 17/04/2024 15:55

ShatnerssBasoon · 16/04/2024 19:13

Not allowed voting which is a shame as might get a more realistic guide. Sad you don't see DsC as equal family yet marrying

I am a step-daughter. I got on fine with my step-parents but never saw them as my mum or dad and they didn't see me as their daughter. Of course their personal belongings went to their children, not me.

I now have 3 (adult) step-kids. I've been married to their dad for 25 years but they don't love me like a mum and I don't love them like my own children. But we get on ok.

Step-families come in many shapes and sizes and there are many ways for them to work well. It is not "sad" when they don't operate according to a single blueprint.

JanetareyouokareyouokJanet · 17/04/2024 15:32

My step sister wouldn’t want my mums rings, but I wouldn’t have a massive issue if she was left one. I think it’s fair she gets left something else though.

Baba197 · 17/04/2024 12:29

YANBU your rings, your choice!

InterIgnis · 17/04/2024 11:33

Pippetypoppity · 17/04/2024 09:27

Only fair and decent thing to do is leave dsd extra money in his Will from his estate to cover the value of the rings. He paid for them originally and are they are going to dd all be it via you. Then he has treated them equally. He is morally obliged to do that really.

Batshit 😂

Is he also going to add up the total value of the things OP has bough him then? So he can compensate his younger children?

Pippetypoppity · 17/04/2024 09:27

Only fair and decent thing to do is leave dsd extra money in his Will from his estate to cover the value of the rings. He paid for them originally and are they are going to dd all be it via you. Then he has treated them equally. He is morally obliged to do that really.

LouJ36 · 16/04/2024 22:24

I agree with you OP.

My daughter will inherit my belongings, just as my DSD will inherit her mother's belongings.

It is nothing to do with treating DD & DSD differently, but actually treating both girls the same across the broader view of two families. DSD does have a Mum and will inherit from her as well as receiving half of my partners belongings. Just as my DD will inherit from me and the other half of my partners belongings.

Original poster
TheCheekyKob · 16/04/2024 22:13

Bluegaze · 16/04/2024 20:58

no it isn’t and if you don’t know it I imagine your one of those people that get highly offended easily and often.

Show quote history

Oo if it’s totally different then blue gaze just sounds like one of those utterly stupid bitches.

Since we are allowed to say that and it’s not the same thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheCheekyKob · 16/04/2024 22:11

ShatnerssBasoon · 16/04/2024 19:13

Not allowed voting which is a shame as might get a more realistic guide. Sad you don't see DsC as equal family yet marrying

Yeh.. what a shame I will be looking out for my children.
Wonder if it’s a shame when DSDs mum does the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheCheekyKob · 16/04/2024 22:10

HotChocolateNotCocoa · 16/04/2024 18:39

I didn’t actually call OP a utter bitch I said she sounded like one which is totally different

😆😆😆 Oh yeah, those two things are like night and day.

Exactly. She’s just proving the point of what I called her in my reply.

OP posts:
MrsB74 · 16/04/2024 21:38

I’m with you - our daughters will share my jewellery (especially my rings) although I may leave a token piece to my DSD.

Our estate will be split equally between all of the children though as we have been together a long time. Jewellery is more personal and some of it was my mum’s. I honestly don’t think my DSD would want it. She has her own Mum to leave her sentimental keepsakes.

Bluegaze · 16/04/2024 20:58

RhiannonTheRed · 16/04/2024 18:21

It's exactly the same sentiment and you know it. Nasty.

Show quote history

no it isn’t and if you don’t know it I imagine your one of those people that get highly offended easily and often.

ShatnerssBasoon · 16/04/2024 19:13

Not allowed voting which is a shame as might get a more realistic guide. Sad you don't see DsC as equal family yet marrying

EmmyA87 · 16/04/2024 19:07

Absolutely not! My wedding ring came as a set of 3 bands, I’ve one daughter who will be getting ALL 3. DH doesn’t have any SC but even then it would still be absolutely not. Let her own mum pass down some heirlooms to her that’s not your job.