Holiday abroad breaking us

If it isn’t practical for you to work extra could you do a different side hustle to make a bit of cash? Bank swapping, match betting, selling unwanted items etc? Have a look at the money saving expert site and the money forum here.

Great advice

Tbh whilst Im so tempted to book now at £30 deposit etc etc, I truly would be awake nights worrying about paying for it so thats why we have started to save now for '25

As I said up thread, we do city breaks - just back from 3 nights in Edinburgh for just under £200 for two of us- including the flights. Apart from one splash out meal , eating and drinking didnt cost more then a weekend at home going to the pub and takeaway tbh

Its hard when you think you are doing everything by the book but find a holiday on top of everything else is hard to find when it feels like everyone about you is going away.It is hard. But for me, id rather have the bills paid, afford the electric and oil first and foremost. Ok so we are older and maybe used to doing without, but we also want a few luxuries, only neither of us want to be so bloody knackered from taking on so much to actually enjoy the time

I would never book a holiday I didn’t have all the money for as the stress of saving up would be horrible for me. Now it’s done, focus on the good stuff but next time, don’t book until you’re comfortable with the amount.

Where are you going OP? Some wise advice above about drawing a line now and agreeing no recriminations. Do a bit of research and get positive about what to look forward to while you’re there, trips using local transport etc.

Then when you get home maybe set a goal for something in the future, perhaps a city break. Set aside a regular amount towards it, get a round up account etc. It’s good to have a holiday to look forward to but not if it means overstretching yourself.

This. Save up. And then you'll know what you can afford when you can afford it. DH agreed for me to have a saving account that is used for holidays that he doesn't touch. Because there's always something but I need holidays. So it gradually accumulates and I can look at it and know it's there.

Not paying upfront or getting in debt. That makes you miserable.

Its a given that people mean when he isnt working. He is working 6 days a week, so has a day when he isnt working. He will also have other times when he's not working

Needs must, given it sounds as if they were really up against it to afford this.

You could have saved up and booked when you actually had the money. You don’t need to go abroad. I’ve just booked a holiday in the UK for £420 for a week in August.
I get wanting a holiday but it does sound like there has been a lot of pressure to book this. I agree with others that it’s booked now and that you should both make sure you enjoy it but next time make sure you’ve got the money first.

This sounds like a really difficult situation for you both and I can completely see why there is friction and disappointment.

The ideas for a short term cc are good, you could also see if there is anything you can sell on fb etc. Every little will help.

I have to say I love the posters saying, work an evening or weekend - I'm wondering what exactly they expect you to do with DC while both you and OH are at work?! Haha!

a very reasonable eurocamp style holiday

It doesn't sound like it was ever actually reasonable, or affordable for you, if it relied on him working 6 days a week alongside you putting Christmas money towards it.

And I can absolutely see why he is feeling resentment if you are not working as much as he is. It's massively privileged and quite unfair for you to declare that it's not worth you working because he'd earned more. You wanted the holiday! He agreed, but you should both be working towards it.

You are being very entitled to push for and book holidays that you can't afford without your husband working six days a week, yes. You cannot afford them.

It's not the holiday that is breaking you, it's your expectation that he earns the money for it, especially when you know he's not as bothered about them as you are.

So you would only consider work if it pays what he earns?

Thats unreasonable, different people have different incomes, but you could still work more to contribute financially to support things

We had one holiday abroad with a nursery aged child. In March in a SC apartment with a pool that was too cold to swim in. Our next abroad holiday was a week in our own tent in France. Until both DC we’re at school we just couldn’t afford it.

Enjoy your holiday but maybe wait until you’re not paying nursery fees before the next one?

As it is booked and paid for, not going would be a huge waste of money and the time your husband has worked extra hours. So, I would go and enjoy it.

However, going forward, there is going to need to be a better plan. Working 6 days a week isn't going to work.

Maybe a holiday abroad every 2 years so that you have time to save without the extra hours?

Or, you pick up some evening/weekend work to pay for the holiday?

Or, do some research and plan some UK trips? Day trips or a night or two at a time.

I work full time in a demanding job and to be honest, I would not want to work extra hours for something that isn't essential.

Where are you going OP? It is still low season in May in a lot of places.

I don't think you've done anything wrong. My DH can be a bit like this over holidays, but he always has a great time when we are there!

People who are saying stick to UK holidays - have you seen the price?!?

Holiday is booked and paid, so you have to go. However I think you were wrong in putting the pressure on OH to raise the money

Like you, money is tight here and we have decided we are going on holiday next year one way or other so we too are saving. Both of us work Pt ( we are old ) he earns more then me, but I dont leave it down to him. Whilst taking on extra shifts would leave me out of pocket, adding an hour to existing shifts doesn't so thats what I do. I also take on an odd shift at weekends where I used to work. DH has a hobby renovating things, he buys cheap, sells higher - that all gets put in the pot. We save in a money box - well a few - and it all mounts up. Emptying the pockets of change, finds from the streets, all goes in. Anything I can sell on FB or Vinted rather then giving to a charity shop gets sold and thats put in. Its amazing how much stuff you can find in your home you have no use for that someone else does

I think whats helping us is we have given ourselves loads of time to save and havent even looked to book yet. We decided in December the same as you, but have said 2025 - and no set date

Right now the rates bill has come in after a huge electric and oil bill and its tempting to dip in, but nope , we both need a holiday, we are tightening the belts a bit more

This is a learning curve. You booked a holiday you couldn't afford. Of course he is going to feel resentful

@dancingdaisies THEY booked a holiday. He agreed to what it was going to take at the time, now doesn't like the reality. Stop infantilising him.

OP - you need to have a frank conversation with him. Tell him his moods and complaining are taking all the joy out of it. Does he want to go or not. If he does then agree no whining or resentment about the overtime while you are away. Tell him you'll never make an arrangement like this with him again, because it's clearly not worth it. If you are pandering to him then stop it, just tell him it's fine now as you won't take him
At his word again

No holiday is worth this much angst and working 6 days a week + using money gifted to you . I feel a bit sorry for your husband .

It sounds to me like you really need to sit down and have a good, honest chat about why you booked this holiday, before you go away OP. You've probably both said things in frustration and tiredness that has undermined the reasoning behind why you originally chose to go, which is why you're left wishing you'd never booked it, but it's done now, and you BOTH need to accept that you made a mistake in rushing into going away this year, rather than taking your time, saving up, and taking the holiday next year. You also need to make up your minds, that after all the hard work you've put in, and the resulting stress, to have a lovely time while you're away, and that if the slightest thing goes wrong, you don't start blaming each other. Make sure that you do lots of homework between now and when you go away, so that you know all of the things that you can do in the area.

As a previous poster said, you would have to eat and pay normal bills for living if you were at home, so don't worry about every penny you spend while you're away, it's just money you would have spent anyway, with perhaps a few little treats thrown in. It sounds like you only have one small child at present, so hopefully there won't be demands from older children to do things which will cost additional money. So just make up your minds to enjoy it, hopefully the weather will be lovely, and if that's the case, you can have a great time just relaxing, with maybe some long romantic walks, and perhaps a picnic thrown in. You don't necessarily have to spend a lot of money going to bars while you're away either, go to the local supermarket, and buy fresh bread, and things like local cheeses, fruit, and wine to enjoy, these things always taste nicer away from home.

It does sound though as if your partner wasn't as into the idea of going abroad as you were OP, perhaps he got excited at the time, but has then had time to reflect, and with the extra work, has begun to regret being impulsive, but if that's the case, you need to point out, that it was a JOINT decision, as presumably you wouldn't have booked it otherwise. I hope that it all works out, and you have a great time, and then in the future, if you find you BOTH enjoy it, perhaps make plans for a nice holiday every other year, and then save towards it from the moment you get back.

It's booked and paid for now so you would be mad not to go. Your husband is probably just pissed off working Saturdays but he agreed to it! In future you could have lovely staycations. That's what we did when the childcare fees were a killer. We went abroad once (my parents paid god bless them) when the kids were between 2 and 9, but for years we saw beautiful parts of the country on Groupon deals and using Clubcard vouchers (used to be x4 for short breaks!!!)

We've lots of lovely memories and lovely photos from then. Just as much as from our later holidays in Spain, France or Portugal. I don't like flying with small children anyway - too much hassle!

It's not always about where you are, but who you are with. Have a chat and agree to no further recriminations - it is what it is, and you don't want to spoil your hard-earned holiday.

Enjoy!

The thought of never going on holiday again makes me depressed, am I just an entitled cow?

Nothing entitled about wanting to go on holiday, but frankly it sounds like you can't afford it right now.

What's done is done, but in the future the two of you need to save before making nonrefundable reservations/deposits. Just hoping you'll be able to scrape up the money is bound to cause stress.

Can't really fault someone for not wanting to exhaust themselves working loads of extra hours for a short vacation. But since you both agreed to do this it is unfair of him to blame you.

Remember, you have your whole lives to do this. You don't have to be in a position to do something right now if it's slightly out of reach

As much as I’m reading this like yip, this is the sensible thing to do. I’m also like think of everyone who has dropped dead unexpectedly and was planning to book that trip next year or go that day out etc. I don’t take the same view on buying anything designer as I think it’s much easier to pass up but when it comes to making memories, especially with kids, I say skin yourself and go! 🙈

I think it sounds like you're both just stressed. I often get very stressed before a holiday- not specifically because of the cost, just an unsettled feeling.
I bet you will have a lovely time.
Agree on a budget for when you're there, agree not to go over this if possible. Breathe and enjoy!

I think you both have to suck it up for now, it’s done, paid for and almost here. Just sit down and agree it’s not happening like this again. If you don’t have the money in the bank to go you don’t book.

DH grew up with lots of overseas holidays, me we were lucky for a week at pontins. We never pay for holidays if we don’t have the cash upfront. Last time we went on an overseas holiday was term time 6 years ago. We’ve no intentions of doing another, we are quite happy with cheap weekends away and haven holidays. We are a single income family and just can’t see the justification of paying for a holiday overseas just because it’s overseas.

Omg this is us! We would never have been anywhere if I didn’t book it. Obviously I do like that as I can’t imagine rocking up to the airport to a holiday he had booked, I dread to think! We are in the same boat financially this year. We skinned ourselves for a holiday at the end of last year as we didn’t go in the summer because I was pregnant. He did the same thing as it came about and said we wouldn’t have spending money and made every negative into being my fault. The weather was cloudy most of the week and I got the whole ‘see I told you it would be like this’. Having said nothing and agreed to booking it when asked 🤦🏻‍♀️

As much as we’re struggling week to week just now, I really do prioritise a holiday, even more so now with young kids. I look back on pictures of holidays when our first child was young and I took so many pictures and spent time only enjoying doing stuff with him rather than constantly spinning plates and working. I look at all those pictures and now my daughter will be a similar age this summer I think about the fact that if we don’t go a holiday we won’t take a break together and I won’t have all those memories and pictures crammed into a week. I feel like my life is just constantly running from one mess to the next, while making at least one of them wait on me all the time because I’m always too busy to stop and do something with them.

How long is it until you go? Could selling things on vinted or facebook marketplace with any old kids stuff you have lying around be an option or have you already exhausted that one? I reached a stage a few months ago that my wedding dress was about all I had left and considered selling it