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Original poster

Would you be offended by this message?

144 replies

Purplevioletsherbert · 11/04/2024 22:57

Two new friends, have known each other a few months and have seen each other socially a couple of times. Both going through a bit of a tricky time.

Friend A has called Friend B a couple of times, B hasn’t answered but usually texts within a few minutes to check in and see if A is ok. After the last time this happened yesterday, B made a comment about not really being a phone call kind of person.

This evening B text A asking how they are and said “I’m gunna call in five mins” to give them a heads up rather than calling out of the blue.

B sent this response:

“Hiya, currently in the middle of settling DC into bed, and pretty exhausted myself from work. As I said the other day I really don't do phone calls, I find even when it's my close family they cause me lots of stress. How are you doing?xx”

Would you find this response rude? Is B just brushing off A?

OP posts:
User284725 · 11/04/2024 23:06

I think it's rude that the friend is being pushy about a phone call when they have already explained they don't like to talk on the phone. I find unnecessary phone calls a hindrance too. A message can be responded to when I have time, a chatty phone call is demanding and sometimes just too much when I am burnt out.

Isthisexpected · 11/04/2024 23:05

I disagree with PP.

Given B only said yesterday they are not really a phone call kind of person, which could mean I'm not very chatty, I never hear the phone, I never have it charged etc then I think it was a bit rude to add into the text "as I said". But otherwise it's fine to say being friends with me will never involve talking on the phone if that's the reality.

IDontHateRainbows · 11/04/2024 23:05

It's not rude but maybe could have been softened a bit.. from 'I don't do phone calls ' ( which nearly everyone does sometimes even if only to the bank) to ' I prefer not to do phone calls/ what works better for me is ....

B sounds justifiably cheese off but I can see A taking umbrige the way its worded

34weekmess · 11/04/2024 23:05

I hate phone calls too, I always feel so awkward !!

WingsofRain · 11/04/2024 23:04

A is being rude by insisting on calling someone who has clearly said they don’t like it.

Original poster
Purplevioletsherbert · 11/04/2024 23:04

Ok thanks all, you’ve put my mind at ease 😂 I’m B, I’m worried I might have upset my friend by being too blunt but honestly I just hate phone calls. My son is disabled, I work full time, and I don’t have the emotional capacity after everything else to be chatting on the phone. I’ll happily text. Feel bad because I know she’s going through a difficult time though.

OP posts:
ThreeEggOmlette · 11/04/2024 23:04

Not rude.
B is setting a boundary.
They offer an alternative 'how are you doing' indicates they are happy to continue by text.

Rowansiskin · 11/04/2024 23:03

Why is A trying to call B again the day after they said they’re not a phone call kind of person? Definitely not rude from B.

LimeReader · 11/04/2024 23:03

Not rude at all or offensive! B has set her boundaries clearly

RazzberryGem · 11/04/2024 23:02

No, it's not rude.
I have friends who just really aren't comfortable on the phone aaannd that's okay!
They're doing what they can to check in on friend A in a way that's comfortable to them.
Friend A isn't getting ignored but friend B has personal boundaries that they're sticking to.
Its not for friend A to decide.

Crabble · 11/04/2024 23:01

I don’t think it’s rude. I respect the fact that B is upfront about it instead of just never taking the calls.

NewName24 · 11/04/2024 23:01

No, of course it isn't rude.
It is just re-explaining to A, who clearly missed the message the first time, that B doesn't like talking on the phone.

Candleabra · 11/04/2024 23:01

Not rude. Or brushing off. Just making the reasonable point that they’re not up for talking on the phone at the end of a busy day. If they’d been clear on this already, and are happy to text or meet up, then I don’t see what the problem is.

Trinity69 · 11/04/2024 23:01

I wouldn’t find it rude but I am very much person B in this scenario. A phone call takes time and energy, which I don’t always have. A text or WhatsApp conversation its much easier.

DowntonCrabby · 11/04/2024 23:01

B doesn’t want to chat on the phone, it sounds like chatting drains them after dealing with work/DC/family all day. I wouldn’t take it as a brush off and if I valued the friendship I’d accept they will just message. B sounds like a decent friend as they generally message after missing calls, that’s not a brush off at all.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 11/04/2024 23:00

They just don't like talking on the phone, better to say than keep ignoring calls. They're obviously happier texting. Not rude at all.

SkaneTos · 11/04/2024 23:00

I think it's fine. Person B prefers to communicate by text. That's OK.

purpleme12 · 11/04/2024 23:00

I don't think it's rude no.
Disappointing if you'd like to phone someone though and chat.

justasmalltownmum · 11/04/2024 22:59

I don't think it's rude. B has said a few times now they don't do phone calls and A is not getting thr message. B still checks in. I think B is being nice about it.