This can't be normal!!!!!??

Your mother either has a personality disorder or she’s a full blown narcissist. No the behaviour isn’t normal.

Er, this goes well past excited at the thought of a grand child. OP’s mum is crossing all kinds of boundaries. She actually went to bed for the rest of the afternoon after being told about the new job and baby plans being on hold. She’s changed her behaviour towards OP ever since. Nothing normal about that - it’s controlling behaviour, and bordering on abusive if OP’s dad is caught in the middle.

I'm sorry, but I don't think your dad is as innocent as you believe 😕 "she's only like this because she cares about you" nonsense. Would you relay something hurtful that your partner said about your child to their face? Sounds like he is trying to justify his own behaviour and make out as if "it's your mum's fault, but also mine, but mostly hers..."

If my partner was being a spiteful shit to our child, I'd be raising it with him, not asking our child to ignore the digs "because you've only got one mother, we're family" 🙄

Your mother is a horrible person (I know this as my other is also horrible). You owe her nothing. You do not need to tell her anything. She wants to manipulate and control you. Own your own life.

No that's is weird. Good idea to move away from her.

If you happen to have a girl, I can guess she will treat her like she did you - she'd be her little copy and a chance to replicate it all over again. They will start off as her little princess, spoilt and you (the parent) will be belittled and constantly told you're unreasonable...she may well be the perfect grandparent to idolises but it's manipulative 😉 if a boy, your partner will be the target - how weak they are, how they need to listen to her as she knows what she's talking about and that the reason he has you is because of how good a job she done raising 'lil ol you'. I can guess she will do all the things you ask her not to - weaning, safety, sleep and behaviour management and you will continue to doubt not just yourself, but your own parenting too. The early days are tough and she will make out you done it all yourself and now you must deal the consequences, but don't worry, she's there for you to help and will likely try to take over...to others, she will look like the doting granny, to you it'll feel like you're losing a constant battle of 'baby blues' ("oh its your hormones...you're being over emotional...its all in your head") and trying to regain some control 😆

You sound like you are starting to twig it all - be kind to yourself 😊 grab those opportunities amd please don't feel you have to overshare with your mother what your thoughts and feeling are on your circumstances - you like you're doing an amazing job in life and work ☺️

“Where she stands” is on the “none of your business and we’ll let you know if that changes” step.

What is it with these women that think they can “want” a GC, and get upset because their own DC isn’t an avid incubator to fulfil their desires?
OP, your DM has taken not just one overstep, but a giant leap over your boundaries here - it’s absolutely none of her business whether or not you are ttc, whether or not you are pursuing a great career opportunity, or whether or not you are moving away Etc.
Her job was to bring you up and let you have your independence in life, having given you, and to continue to give you, all the love and support she can while she is still around. That’s all.
She doesn’t have the right to behave the way she is - perhaps your DDad can help her understand this? He sounds quite sensitive and could maybe bring her around…

If our mother's weren't so dependant on us, I'd say our mother's could be pals 😉

We will never be good enough and if continue to have her around if/when you have children, she will have an influence over them...little snidey comments about how awful you are and how amazing she is. We try to be reasonable, set boundaries and be a grown adult with opinions and STILL we feel like a child who needs parenting. Say you have the grandchild she longs for (to show off and how YOU still need her and just CAN'T cope without her), she will not be happy still 🙄 something else will become the issue, it always does. I too am an only child and was put on this "my daughter and I are best friends...we even look like sisters", it took a long time to realise it wasn't normal behaviour and actually very toxic.

I binned her and my enabling father about 5/6 years ago but had started grieving the relationship before (there were other factors) and honestly, I feel free. We were made homeless just before and ended up moving miles away - that distance made it easier and more like a fresh start - and I never passed on our new address. I have the same number...I don't hear my phone ringing to ask what is wrong 😉 they instead have a 'new' family to influence and whine to. I wouldn't be suprised if that relationship has fizzled out as they always do when people start to see why their only child has nothing to do with them. It took a while to rid the guilt of "what if something happens and they need me" but consider, they made decisions and influenced mental, emotional and physical harm on a child by being the selfish/demoralising/hateful person they were. It doesn't have to be all three but she is no longer entitled to make you worry and ponder HER needs. Either set the boundary and distance, or distance and eradicate 😆

Mum didn't like how my wedding day went and told me she didn't leave the house for a week after it, but she 'should be used to being disappointed by now'.

It really is all about her isn't it?

No one knew that we were ttc until we told them at 16 weeks that I was pregnant.

If you do have children I'd be very wary of how your mum treats them.

The irony of posters musing on the reasons behind OP's mum only having one child, whether she had fertility issues etc.

On a thread concerning the mother's lack of boundaries towards her daughter's family planning.

Shortly after we got married, she said she wanted to know 'where she stood' in terms of my plans to have a family

I absolutely can’t believe you thought this question was normal, and actually answered her! She doesn’t ’stand anywhere’ in this regard, how extremely odd. I honestly would have stood there blinking like an owl for a while and then assumed I’d just misheard as I couldn’t comprehend someone could say that.

This is not normal (unless you are an eighteenth century duchess - see life of Georgiana Cavendish) and is none of her affair at all. Most of us do not expect the intimate details of our children's sex lives and contraception or otherwise is pretty intimate. Tell her when you are pregnant.

Tell her not to wait for grand children and focus on her life. You are not having kids for her.

As a mother of dds, one of whom who has 3 young dcs, it’s absolutely not normal! I never did, and never would have, asked dds about TTC or not. Absolutely not my business.

Dh and were told about pregnancies after they were confirmed, and that was it. Except to add that I would have been very sad for them if I knew they were TTC without success.

A friend of a dd had a mother who would endlessly bewail her lack of Gdcs - I felt so sorry for the poor girl, who just hadn’t yet found the right man to have babies with.

Sounds like she has expectations that you will fall pregnant soon after wedding.

Its none of her business to be this nosy and moody.

It’s none of her business. Desperate-to-be-grandparent parents are a nightmare. She needs to get a life.

Ew. I don’t understand why some women want to make being a grandmother their entire identity. Like congratulations, you’re related to someone else who had a child…

Very toxic, selfish & narcissistic. It’s none of her business whether you have a baby or not and when if you do. She must be supportive of this instead she’s making it all about her and punishing you in the process. I’m sorry OP, this must be so difficult xxx

You have to ask OP?

That's very weird and controlling. It is your choice to have a baby when works for you, you got a great opportunity that being pregnant/having a baby would interrupt and took a very sensible decision to hold off. You've been married less than a year, for crying out loud. Plenty of people wait a few years to have some time child-free one way or another.

It is absolutely none of her business! She had no right to ask “where she stood” re your pregnancy plans (perhaps the exception being if she had agreed to give up work and look after your child after maternity leave).
I’m v close to my mum but never mentioned when we’d started ttc, only the good news when I was pregnant, and she never asked because like most people she respects that it’s private (maybe I would have if it had taken a long time and I was upset ).
From now on your response should be “our decision about when to have a baby is private, and when there is news to tell them I’ll let you know, but please don’t ask me about it any more”.