This can't be normal!!!!!??

I'm really sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds hard.

Tbh, I think you would be as well to take the job and move far away, and that will give your DM the clarity that she needs. She can then do what she needs to do to get her head straight. Good luck.

FWIW, I am a mother of a very much loved only child. One downside of being a Mum to an only child is that the parents a lot of the time have to act as playmate, sibling and friend as well as parent. That means that they have to work very very hard and walk a number of extremely fine lines. I could well imagine they they could end up a bit knackered and failing to separate at the end of it. I think that unhooking your Mum for a bit and leaving her to gently steam could be a good idea.

My MIL phoned me twice a week for 2years + and the first thing she would say in a loud voice was ‘any news’ which really meant ‘are you pregnant yet’? I was over 30 with a good job but I got loads of vague remarks about this person (that I never met) has had a baby girl and that person (that I was introduced once to at a wedding) had a premature baby boy. She was relentless. So I feel your pain and I’m sorry but your mother is only thinking about herself and needs to cop herself on. If you don’t have a close relationship with her then you would think that now is the time for her to build bridges. Try to ignore her behaviour.

She sounds rather controlling. This is why she'd be a difficult grandma. Clear boundaries are needed.

What a nightmare for you. She has no right to any information. Don’t tell her anything you don’t want to.

Its got absolutely nithing to do with her. I n future tell her nothing. She needs to live her own life not yours. Mum to 2x 30years old plus children here.

Then she needs to get a life of her own, not interfere with her daughter's life. Living your life vicariously through your children and imposing your ideas on them is not loving, it's smothering.

That is not what a good parent does.

This is way too intrusive, even from a close family member.
I'd been married a couple of years when l met an acquaintance in the street.
Her first words were "No family YET?"
I was so taken aback, l just said no. If she hadn't caught me on the back foot, l'd have replied with something like "No, not yet, Christine. We've been at it like rabbits for months, but no joy so far."
For all she knew l could have been desperate to get pregnant, but hadn't, or we could have been having problems, and was extremely sensitive and upset about what she said.

It's beyond crass and unbelievably rude. No one's business but yours.

Obviously it's none of her business (or your Dad's), I don't really understand why she feels so invested, is she planning to be full time childcare?

It doesn't matter if you have battalions of cousins having babies it's still none of their business.
Your relationship with your Mum obviously means it would be best to tell her as little as possible.
Good luck with the career move- Your baby plans will happen on their own schedule, stop worrying and that will help.

Coming out of the FOG is really hard, so go easy on yourself as you process things. It is great that you have a loving and supportive DH. The job opportunity sounds great too and moving further away from your parents could be seen as a bonus in many many ways. If/when you do have children, the last thing you need is your mum on the doorstep criticising your parenting! Getting married puts a distance between you and her, gives her less power. Likewise you moving away. She won’t like that and will layer on the guilt. Do whatever you can to resist it - agree boundaries with your DH, get some therapy (can’t tell you how incredibly helpful I’ve found it), post on MN for support - these early stages of realisation are the hardest both for you and for her, so expect her to keep pushing back hard for a while. Stand firm OP!

In my experience this is perfectly normal.

Unfortunately it's also totally unacceptable behaviour.

Congratulations on your new flash job and well done for moving well away ftom her. She's going to need to be kept on a short leash, that one.

Whatever you decide and whatever happens your fertility is none of her beeswax.

You are right, it is not normal.

Absolutely baffling behaviour. Not normal and a worrying overidentification in that she seems to think this situation is about her. It sounds like the move will be really good for you to get some distance from her. I'd refuse to give her any information about ttc and when/if you do get pregnant I'd be very vague, because it sounds like she has a real issue with boundaries and should there be any complications she'd be a nightmare (I imagine a miscarriage would also be about her). Really feeling for you OP, and your dad having to tiptoe around it. She's allowed to feel what she feels, but it's not OK that she's made it a problem for you and others.

It’s absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with her and she has no business asking you. Sounds like she would be a very meddling GM if you did have a child. You need to be firm with her from now on.

Exactly my thoughts. You often don't realise how messed up a relationship is when you're in this dynamic. At some point you will see it with absolute clarity. She is not treating you well with all this one bit!

None of her business, tell her to pull herself together and stop being so fucking wet. Good job you’re moving to the other side of the country because she sounds like she’d be an absolute nightmare of an entitled grandparent. Run away!!!

She sounds like my mother. Desperate for grandchildren. No interest in them once they arrived apart from showing photos and boasting about their achievements to her friends at the Over 60s Club.

Good grief! She is not normal and none of this is any of her business!
It sounds like she has problems with boundaries, so if and when you have a baby, you'll need to anticipate how you want the relationship to go with your mum. And jump on any infractions straight away.
Btw, congrats on your new job! You'll do the right thing re mum when the time comes x

I'm a mum of 3 adult children. I love them to the moon and back and they are wonderful. Two are married and I would absolutely never have asked them of their plans to have children pr anything personal. It looks like our third adult child may decide to get married to her boyfriend soon, but I will never ask her about her plans unless she drops elephant sized hints that she'd like my input. It's up to her to tell us. One raises children to be independent adults. It's completely their decision to tell you what they want you to know.

Yeesh. No, not normal. My mum only found out we wanted kids when I told her I was 12 weeks and had had my first scan. I'd always said we wouldn't!

Despite DS being the only one on both sides there was no pressure.

I'm glad your moving I feel like she would be a nightmare if you did get pregnant and want to co trim everything and have the Abby on her terms.

Your business, your life tell her to butt out x

Your mother needs to live her own life and let you live yours. She put far too much weight on how people might perceive your wedding and now, on how she will look as a grandmother. Instead of being proud of you and your life she is making an issue when things don't follow the plan in her head. I think you need to set boundaries, it's up to you whether you let her know those boundaries.

The poor woman’s ‘broody by proxy’. Not uncommon, I believe. Live through it.

Not normal, very petulant, self obsessed and controlling. Much like my mother but when I was expecting my 3rd she refused to speak to me are all. Loads of distance and give bland and minimum information. Strict boundaries or you'll find your baby becomes "her" baby.

Your mum sounds a “bit” controlling” and I think you may be a pleaser. I, too, am an only child and can resonate with your feelings. It’s hard, but you need to stick to your guns and don’t let emotions and sentiments creep in. Your mum should be proud of you and your choices, rather than everything being on her terms. Sorry, I don’t think your Dad helps matters either. So sorry, but you are 30, not 13. You and your husband need to do your own thing and hope your Mum sees this as a “no - win” for her. Only way to change her attitude. Good luck!