This can't be normal!!!!!??

It sounds as though she hates everything.

Including herself sadly. It feels really personal as you're her only child and that's really rough on you.

I think you've tried to keep her in the loop to try and appease her but unfortunately it's unlikely you ever will. It isn't your job to keep her happy. It is her responsibility to find happiness and not for you to fulfill her dreams.

You do you.

Sending hugs x

Speaking as a Mum... Lots has happened with my only DC which means life won't turn out the way I thought it would.

When you give birth to a girl, you have dreams of their wedding day, of becoming a GM and of all the aspirations you have for them academically.

If your child turns out to be trans, asexual, disabled or to just not want children you go through something I can only describe as being like mourning. You love your child but you're sad the dreams you had will never happen.

Your Mum clearly had strong ideas of what she wanted your wedding to be like and wanted to be a GM as soon as possible. I suspect she is also hurt you are moving away. She is being irrational and self-centred. Most Mums want you to be happy in whatever form that takes. My Mum used to be a pre-marriage Counsellor and always told couples that it was their day and no one else's. (Yes, she did do quite a bit for mine 😂). I may be sad about some things in my DC's life, I'm happy that they are living the life they want.

Have a word with your Mum and let her know you've been TTC and it hasn't happened - it may never happen - so you're just going to relax about it as you think the stress is preventing it happening. Tell her she'll be the first to know if you do.

It's pretty grim of her, tbh. Highly intrusive. It's really not appropriate to badger other people about whether they're having enough unprotected sex.

You don’t have kids just because you want to be a grandparent…. 🙄

No child owes their parent grandchildren. If she asks again tell her that you’re having a lot of fun ‘practising’ and leave it at that. Hopefully that will put her off. She has no right to ask such intrusive questions. If she persists, ask about her sex life. (By the way, the average for waiting to have a child after getting married seems to be 3-6 years.) You’ve got time. Congrats on your new job.

I agree it is none of her business , and she will be a nightmare , many parents are like this though , your mum will want to make decisions for your child and if you don’t agree with her get upset with you ! I get it parents want grandkids but the pressure is just too much sometimes

Hello!

I hope all is well! Thank you for sharing and asking. I hope everything becomes better with you, and I wish you all the best!

I think this matter goes back to you and your decision as a couple. If you want to share, you can share, if not then not. But usually, grandparents might ask about whether you're considering or not.

I would like to address the 2 ideas here.
1st- I think it's good if you tell her the truth. You are trying, and it's not working for now, and that's the truth. It's unfair for someone to think I'm doing something I'm not.
2nd- In terms of whether this is ok, I think if this bothers her, which again I think she should know the truth, because truth is truth and it's good to share it, but if that bothers her, it shouldn't be communicated in this way. But maybe she doesn't know how to communicate in any better way.
In all cases, it is uncomfortable.

So in my opinion, just start by sharing the truth with her, and we'll see how it goes from there. But please also share with her how this whole situation made you feel. That might help her react better later. And if it doesn't, then at least you know.

It sounds like your mum really wants to be a grandparent, but if you're not that close to her anyway then how involved does she think she'd be?

I agree it’s weird. I made it clear to my adult children that all I want is for them to be happy. Whether they have their own babies or not is not my business. I am happy with their decision. It doesn’t even enter my head. If they do it will be wonderful if not it will be wonderful. Can’t understand parents pushing for grandchildren.

Basically how dare she!!! This is none of her business and she sounds narcissistic to me. I am a grandmother and adore my GC but know the whole fertility issue is a minefield and would never dream of asking about such a personal issue.

Seeing a few comments of 'maybe she's meaning it kindly' etc. Just wanted to point out some differences.

I personally shared with my mum when we were ready to TTC, because i was excited. I don't think that's necessarily the weird bit. But my mum NEVER made it about HER expectations, timeliness etc.

That's the weird bit. Nobody, including OP, can will a baby into being. So why is her mum PERSONALLY offended it hasn't happened yet? Why does she think OP would not be having a baby to spite her mum? Why would she make it a race? All very strange behaviour from a mother - I got pregnant literally the moment I got off the pill, but if we had got to 18 months or sth I might have spoken to my mum about feeling sad or disappointed or scared. But its not for HER to be sad and disappointed WITH ME for something I couldn't control.

Go abroad and live your best life OP, with or without a baby ♡

What would your parents have said if you had replied that you didn't intend to have children?

If I had said anything remotely connected to when either of my two daughters were thinking about having kids, I would have been well and truly put in my place - and rightly so. My Mum was a bit pushy too but she had to wait and even didn’t get told until we had confirmation. Let your Mum sulk - I’d tell her you aren’t planning on a family for quite a while…..

My parents asked me if dh and i intended to have children. I didnt realise that was abnormal? They both said they were excited to become grandparents.

It is a bit ott your mum would be upset at someone else in the family having children but it sounds like she is worried about losing you and not being a part of the babies life if you are far away.

I know what others are saying and you're Mum's behaviour is extreme but I wonder why she is behaving this way.
My Mum behaves odd from time to time but I'm fortunate to have a really close relationship with her and we sit down and chat and normally her behaviour is due to some unresolved past issue.
I think sometimes people think our elderly parents should have it all together and be wise & peaceful but actually that is very rare.

If you get the opportunity I'd just sit down and chat with her try and find out why she reacts this way. Then depending on what you find out and if you feel it's appropriate then why not tell her. After all she's your Mum.

Said in kindness so please ignore if this is unhelpful.

Utterly creepy. It's like she's there in the bedroom with you.

Very, very intrusive.

<shudder>.

She is a pathetic, manipulative narcissist. Sounds like you have turned out brilliantly despite her! Well done. A parent’s job is to prepare children to be independent. She has failed on her end but you have taken the reins yourself and are moving on. Keep going! Life is an adventure, and working abroad will be an amazing experience you will never regret. Do not deny yourself wonderful opportunities because of her psychological and emotional pathologies. Not all of us are lucky enough to have mature, supportive parents. Sounds like you made a marvellous marriage. Put your emotional energy into that instead of feeling guilt about a mother who is impossible to please. Have you tried therapy? It can work wonders.

Agree with everyone else, NOT being unreasonable. Ttc is very personal and you are entitled to your privacy. I feel wary about GM who put the pressure on ttc, sometimes it is in their best interest not in the potential mothers best interest, this does not facilitate best foundation to have children. So ttc when you’re ready, and tell people when you’re ready. Wishing you all the best xxx

You ask if it is normal. I’d say it is quite normal ie usual for a mum to want to know about future grandchildren and to be excited about the prospect of being a granny. What puts this on the edge of the normality curve is her thinking she has any influence over what happens or has a right to discuss it with you if you don’t want to discuss it with her.

What a load of nonsense - the only manipulation that’s happening here is via the op’s mum! She takes to her bed when people don’t do as she demands. And you’re defending that as reasonable. What a skewed perspective you have on the world 🙄

'Cold, selfish, emotionally immature'.

She described herself.

You can read so many tales of mothers or mils who behave in ways which aren't normal, on here. I think those of us reading your posts are seeing that how your mum is now, is easily the precursor for allyhe threads we have read before.

Keep her at a distance. Don't feel guilty for putting yourself first.

Very abnormal!!! I think you’d be better off putting a lot of miles between yourselves and a very controlling mother
dont be bullied… Run!!!

I think its a bit weird that anyone would be so nosey as to basically grill you on your sex life - its nobodies business but your own and next time she asks tell her. In any case most people don't tell anyone when they are pregnant until they are at least 3 months never mind when they are trying. Surely its for you to enjoy and get used to before others start giving "advice" which may not even be wanted. You're not a child, so you shouldn't be treated like one. You say you're not close so its a bit bizarre her wanting to be involved in something as intimate as a pregnancy. There is only room for two people in any marriage and when friends and family start interfering, that is where things can start to go wrong.

It's your life - don't forget that. You do what works for you and your husband alone. I mean, if you do want children, I would keep trying even with the new job, and not worry about what happens if you get pregnant.

Your mum sounds messed up; has she got some kind of weird competition going with her sister/brother?