This can't be normal!!!!!??

This sounds like my life. Distance is good.

Your decisions and experiences around TTC are your own business but some parents literally can't conceive of anything other than it being all about them.

I expect she has her own fertility demons. That doesn't excuse her behaviour. You can't change her, but you can learn to navigate her in a way that is healthier for you.

On every level!!

How far away from her are you moving?

Your sex life is none of her business, your family planning is none of her business, any fertility issues you may have? None of her business.

Tbh I'd ring your dad again and explain, can you imagine how upset I'd be if I was struggling with infertility for you to tell me how upset my mother is at my failure to get pregnant?

And this is why none of me and my siblings confide in or tell our mum anything, becuase we'd end up having to prioritise her feelings over ours when it's us it's happening to.

Sounds like moving away and asserting boundaries now will be a very good thing. If you don't put your foot down now you're gonna find it alot harder when you're pregnant and then tenfold when the baby comes.

I think that's a really weird question for your DM to ask. But also, seeing your update and that you're an only child - did she have fertility problems? I just wonder as her comment about false hope seems an odd thing for a (potential) grandparent to say. That doesn't make it ok but just wondering if there's something more behind her comment than just interfering....

Ooft I could've written this about my own mother! You have done absolutely nothing wrong, but sadly that doesn't mean mothers will see that side of things!

Yes, and expect snide comments about how “you’ve changed” and “don’t care about your family anymore” because you dared to put up boundaries and take control of your life.

Not normal, no, but probably not that uncommon.

I don’t tell my mother anything. My long-term relationship ended a few months ago and I have been undergoing medical treatment the last few weeks and she doesn’t know about either of these things. She also doesn’t know that I am planning to move abroad with work later in the year.

I do sometimes feel sad that I don’t have a close mother-daughter relationship like some of my friends, or even just a relationship where I am comfortable sharing major life updates without fear of scorn and judgement, but I have accepted this is just not going to happen.

My advice would be to seriously cut down on what you tell her, and grey rock when she pulls her faux-sadness emotional blackmail nonsense.

Yeah she will need a lot of management when you decide to have a baby. She will want to be involved in everything- clearly unresolved motherhood issues

This is all incorrect OP. We are all born with all the eggs we have, no one “makes eggs” during their lifetime. We all have good and bad quality eggs, their quality is impacted by age and some is us run out of eggs earlier than others. Conceiving in your 30s is absolutely standard and many people are having children in their 40s too.
I am really happy you’re moving away, your mum sounds like a nightmare. Do what’s best for you and your core family. You’ll be absolutely fine.

It's totally understandable that you want to keep some things private, especially when it comes to family planning. Your mum might be coming from a place of concern, but it's also important for her to respect your boundaries. Maybe when you're ready, you can have a heart-to-heart with her and explain your decisions.

Your mother needs help. Meanwhile, live your life and make it clear it is your life and she'll be told, sometime in the future, when you are 12-14 weeks pg and there is no guarantee that will happen.

Suggest she gets a pet.

First, apologies for not having read the whole thread. I just feel for you so much OP. My daughter and I could not be closer (and I have an excellent relationship with her husband, which is lovely). However, I would never, never, never, ever get involved with any discussion re pregnancy/children unless they initiated it. This is your business, and no-one else's. Live your life, and leave it to her whether or not she gets over it: she is being completely unreasonable.

To be honest, 6 months is no time anyway, I got pregnant on honeymoon was was flung straight into the baby years. Take your time and enjoy it, it’s a lot to process. I’m amazed your mum is being like this at all but so quickly. Tell her to back off.

None of her beeswax. End of.

Sounds familiar to my mother.

All I can advise is GTFO there as soon as possible and go no contact.

I really, really hope all goes smoothly for you on your baby journey but if it doesn't...

I had a miscarriage, hemorrhaged and nearly died - no support just crickets and tumbleweed. My dog did a better job of looking after me. Any comments about not being woman enough, failure etc just broke me so much I never tried again. Just got another dog.

I can laugh about my life now but please don't repeat my mistakes of holding onto family too long just because they're family.

"She just keeps saying things to me that make me feel like I've been punched. I don't think it's normal for a mum to make her child feel like this?"
That isn't normal. But it's her, not you.

Your mother's desire to be a grandmother has reached an extreme level that's making her behave in ways that aren't normal. You know she is hugely overstepping and her emotional reaction to pregnancy isn't at a healthy level. At a guess she has unresolved issues about not having another child herself and is seeing a GC as a replacement for that. While I think empathy is due (no longer being able to have a child can be traumatic) I also think it needs nipping in the bud. Sadly I think its best for everyone that you're moving away, because your mum needs to address her issues, come to terms with her life stage and find purpose in other things, and she won't do that while everything is pinned on a baby to be.

There are many words to describe your mothers behaviour and normal is not one of them.
To be blunt she is batshit.

It is nobody else’s business whether you have a child or not, nobody’s.
I think moving away was the best thing you could have done.
I recommend stepping back from both her and your father.
Don’t contact them and if they contact you keep things brief.
She is sounds very unpleasant.
Having a child is not a competition.
No wonder so many children are born to unfit parents ( I’m not classing you as one) if this is the pressure they are put under.
Congratulations in your job op.

Sounds like one of those parents who cannot see their child as an individual, so she basically sees you as an extension of herself. She cannot separate you from herself in her mind so your decisions are her decisions. Quite a lot of parents are like this but your mum seems fairly extreme, taking to her bed in offence because you have dared to make a decision she doesn’t agree with!

Your mum's just excited at the thought of a gran child, and is upset because it's not happening yet. I wouldn't put your fertility plans on hold. My friend waited until her Late 30s to have one, it never happened. She had private medical help twice. Which cost thousands. It never happened. They said she left it too long and her eggs were no longer viable. Apparently we dont make good eggs past 30, the quality deteriorates with age. She's in her 50s now.

Your mum’s behaviour/ level of expectation is not normal no. And I agree with others that it’s probably a good thing that you’re moving away. I wonder if the emotional overreaction from her is more to do with the fact that you’re moving though? She’d been picturing being a grandma with her DD and new grandchild round the corner and giving herself a really active role in all that then now you’re going to be miles away and she’s feeling a bit thrown by it all. It doesn’t make it ok of course!

I have to admit I’m surprised by all the people who are apparently ‘super close’ to their mums but wouldn’t discuss ttc with them. My mum is no longer around but I feel sure I would have talked about it with her at some point as we were very close, although we were ttc for 4 years which took an emotional toll in itself and maybe that’s what is colouring my view. I did discuss it with my sister.

DH never once mentioned it to his parents in that 4 years though, which was fine and totally his call although felt weird for me to never be able to mention anything even like we can’t come to X because I’ve got an appointment at the clinic, just an odd time.

It isn’t normal. Your mum has issues and does indeed sound narcissistic. Move away for that job and give yourself the breathing space you need. You’re going to have to put some strong boundaries in place if you do have children as she will be a nightmare gm (interfering, pulling the same sh*t on your kids that she does with you etc). And I would stop giving her any information about anything if I were you.

This is absolute batshit. It's absolutely nothing to do with her even if you decided you never wanted kids!!!

Did she only have one child out of choice? I’m wondering whether she wanted a larger family, but it didn’t work out, so she has become unhealthily invested in you. It’s certainly not healthy behaviour. She clearly struggles with emotional self-regulation and knowing where the boundaries of her identity end and yours begin.

I am so happy you are moving. Well done.

I can relate to some of this. I was with my now-husband for five years before we were engaged. I did want to get engaged but it did not happen at that point. When I called my home, my dad said I could not speak to my mum because she had migraines and was ill because I wasn’t getting married. it poured salt into the wound and added so much pressure. I did want to get married but she was acting like I was doing something wrong because my husband had not wanted to get married at that point. It was very hurtful and I have not forgiven her. She made it all about her.