Today's telling off from DH

Sounds like you need to organise a much longer "weekend" but away from him ? Maybe a 5 year weekend ?

Does he treat everyone he works with like this. Of course the answer is no, he wouldn’t have a job if he bullied his workmates. He knows this behaviour is unacceptable but thinks you will tolerate it. You must know deep down this isn’t a good environment for anyone. Tell him to take a long hard look at himself and quietly make plans to save yourself if he continues to treat you so badly.

He sounds an absolute twat and very controlling. You must be walking on eggshells all the time. Life is too short to be spending it with a bully like this.

Ive just left a shit marriage like yours a few months ago and it's absolute bliss. Am at peace. Please start planning to leave. Ife is short.

Have a feeling he might have the initials MB

Agree with all the above.

Hugs OP

You know you need to leave, right?

I would sit him done and say enough : you need to respect boundaries

1. when at work do not come in, text, call or email unless it is an emergency - a list of what is an emergency is: one of you has been admitted to hospital. One of the children ill with a headache is not an emergency, you first aid and catch up with me when I get home. There are no other emergency. You do not text me for any other reason. I’m am working and you are not my boss so I’m not on your clock

2. see above - you are not my boss so it’s also my house. Moan about me stacking the cups wrong and you will come home to no cups.

3. negative nancy is not welcome - either he tells you daily of 10 positive things that he loves or appreciates about you and what you do or he can advertise for a doormat and you will buy him one from Amazon or he can advertise for a doormat and you are happy to resign

4. treat me nicely or I’m going to fuck off and find someone who does appreciate me

I am seriously SHOCKED OP! It's bad enough that he thinks the cups not being stacked to his particular liking, warrants a text telling you off about it in the first place, but then another telling off because you didn't respond straight away?????? This is absolute MADNESS!!

Why on earth are you continuing to bother working at this relationship, it seriously isn't worth the effort, and as you said yourself, 'everything you say or do is wrong in his eyes'. As far as I'm aware we are free to do what we wish in this country, so why are you willingly staying in what is in my opinion, nothing but a prison, where you are expected to do as you are told 24/7?

I must admit I can't help asking myself, if he's actually resorted to 'punishing' you physically yet, and if that is perhaps the reason, that you try so hard to do everything just as he likes it, as men like this, do tend to become violent when people fail to do as they are told.

Please OP, stop taking this shit from this man, you've said your relationship is on rocky ground, and I dare say, based on experience, that far from the long weekend away, being a time of fun and relaxation, it will be spent walking on eggshells to keep this God of a man happy.

Finally, can I ask how old your children are OP? As I'm hoping they're really young, and won't remember all this as they get older, as what you're currently allowing yourself and them to live with, will be really damaging, and if they are older, and I'd lay odds that they're scared of him, which is no way to feel about your father.

My advice as you've probably already gathered, is to get your ducks in a row, and leave a.s.a.p., as his abuse will be mentally damaging, even if he hasn't gone further yet.

Have somewhat similar - sometimes think he thinks he is helping by pointing out how to do something well (but is weirdly OCD about his way being the best) and other times that it is that he feels like he does more stuff so is a bit resentful that I have left out cups etc (because he does more visible stuff like dishwasher but I do anything/everything that requires thinking, planning, researching etc). When I posted in relationships was told I needed to be more considerate so this thread is interesting. Sadly I have no solution but thinking about sorting counselling and also the Fair Play system to agree on tasks and agreed standards for them

He is unbelievably petty. Can I ask whether you earn more than he does? It sounds as though he's trying to put you in your place.

Unload the dishwasher apart from the cups; leave the curtain the way YOU want it to be; make him wait for a loooong time for your attention - all of which a male friend of mine would advise to “learn” him.

I'd text every morning to ask what had I forgotten to do/what had I done wrong today.

P.s no matter what happens next, do not reduce your hours at work or leave work. That's your ticket to freedom should you decide at some point you need to take it.

This, he may think it, but it’s the absolute ENTITLEMENT to text you at work to tell you that you’re shit.

OP, I can guarantee you are worth more than this douche.

Op, this is all controlling behaviour and a form of emotional abuse. That type of criticism over otherwise little things over a long period of time can wear someone down hugely. He sounds like he would prefer for you to stay home where he has total control over you and can shirk all his responsibilities which is why your work is such a bug bear.

I would seek support from womens aid while you decide what you want to do next. But op his behaviour isn't normal, it's not healthy and it's abusive. You can try as hard as you have in you, but ultimately if his end goal is to put responsibility on your shoulders and control you, then you'll never be able to make this better- he won't let you and you can't make relationship work one sided.

I'm sorry he's doing this to you.

Sorry but what an arsehole!
If my DH messaged me to moan that I'd stacked the cups wrong, I'd beat him about the head with said cups!

Is this always how things are or just since you’ve been in a bad place (as touched on in the OP)?

What Mrs. P said

Very sleeping with the enemy

I couldn't stand this

And I can take a lot

This

Dh stacked the cups wrongly a couple of days ago. He always does when he empties the dishwasher. However I am fully aware that I am an anal weirdo with OCD tendencies and therefore will quietly reorganise to my liking, be grateful that the dishwasher was done by someone other than me, and I certainly wouldn’t dream of making an utter arse of myself by texting dh to moan about it.

I vote for the abandoning him in your holiday destination option

If he's gonna moan at you, give him something to bloody moan about!!!

wherever you go on holiday - leave twatface there.