Today's telling off from DH

He wants all eyes and ears on him doesn't he?

Has he always been like this @Wowohwow88 or is it a recent build up? Either way I echo every other persons advice that he is being an abusive controlling arsehole.

If he’s always been like this, then you just need to run for the hills.

If this is a recent change then it’s worth looking into what on earth is going on to make him treat you so appallingly - is he grieving a parent, has he got enormous stress at work, is he having a mental health breakdown, is he having an affair etc? None of these are excuses by the way, it’s never acceptable to take out your frustration on your loved ones. But whatever the hell is going on with him he needs to be told that his behaviour is unacceptable, needs to stop and if he doesn’t then you will be leaving.

I agree with those saying this is emotional abuse, I still now, several years later, remember the feeling of going back into the house after my ex husband left, and the feeling of relief.

Imagine not being criticized for everything you do wrong, not walking on eggshells and constantly wondering what you have done wrong.

I didn’t realize how fearful I felt all the time, and how the abuse had built up gradually all the time. I could never do anything right, and felt so anxious all the time, but until I was out of the situation I didn’t see it, until I saw the difference.

I have OCD, and I realize that’s my issue, and I try not to control things, and if something bothers me I will apologize, and if I really want something done a certain way, I would do it myself, and explain, not be telling people they have done something wrong.

Also you don’t want your children growing up thinking this is how you get treated, or how you treat people.

I know it’s not easy, but it sounds like you are struggling anyway, so make yourself happy.

You are doing your kids no favours at all by staying with this man.

They will learn that abuse towards a partner is normal and to put up with it, if they’re the one on the receiving end.

Not letting them play with the tap? What else do he deem unsuitable play?

Do you really want this sort of life for them as they grow up?

He’s not interested in changing his behaviour so you only have 2 choices, stay and learn to accept that your life with him is always going to be shit or go.

I’m thinking about those lovely phases where my tots’ favourite activity was playing with water at the sink. It was such a sweet time, and passes so quickly.

It’s horrible that your memories of this stage will be of nasty insinuations by your horrible dh.

he sounds like he has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. I would sooner be alone than subjected to that crap every day. Good luck OP.

That was my first thought too.

What else is there to say aside from LTB? His personality won't change.

Is this a recent change?
Men who are having an affair often take against their partner. It's their way of justifying their behaviour.
I'm not necessarily saying that he's cheating! But I'd be wary of a man who suddenly comes across as hypercritical.
I'm speaking from experience sadly.

Bloody hell. What an awful man. Was he always so picky/such a moaner?
My husband can be a bit of a moaner and it got worse as he got older and grumpier. It used to frustrate me but now I just laugh at him and say "maybe your next wife will do it to your liking". He does have a sense of humour and that's enough to snap him out of it.

But yours is something else. An absolute chauvinist pig. Sounds like he doesn't want you to work because you should be constantly tending to his needs and domestic needs in general. But I bet he wouldn't be happy if you didn't bring in an income either. I can't believe you've been working full days, doing your share of domestic stuff and all nursery runs and he's saying you are lazy for not stacking cups correctly! Why doesn't he do all that since he's off work?

The stuff implying you're an unfit mother is awful, so insulting and damaging.

You need to start saying no, tough, you're not my boss, if you don't like it fuck off ... and mean it. If he doesn't pull himself together I think you'll be better off without him. It sounds like you're expected to do everything anyway and you won't have to listen to him moaning.

Edited for typo.

“This is a you problem not a me problem. I don’t care how the cups are stacked and I have more urgent things to worry about. If it bothers you this much you sort it. If you continue to mither me about trivial stuff when I am working I will leave you. It’s your choice.”

Rinse and repeat and if it doesn’t stop you know what to do.

You’re in an abusive relationship with someone who is controlling. His current projects include wearing you down and ruining your self esteem so you think you can’t do better than him or try to leave, and isolating you from work colleagues and trying to make you leave your job so you’re more reliant on him. As a starting point please look at this image. After that do the freedom
programme online. It’s relatively inexpensive.

As others have said, he doesn't value you.
Other people do.
Start to value yourself.
Put your foot down.
Tell him to stack the cups himself. Tell him not to interrupt you on a work call. Stop unloading the dishwasher "as you don't like it the way I do it I thought I'd leave it for you?".
Do you have support in real life? Start making plans to leave. You'd be better off alone.

If I was busy and anything then fell to my exh to have to do then he would pick fault and complain about everything. I'd be talked to like a child and made to feel useless.

This is a tactic to make you not rely on him in future. You'll find yourself taking all the load and desperately making sure everything is done to his standards. You'll toe yourself in knots and you know what, he will still find something to moan about, just to keep you on your toes.

I know there are 4 pages of replies telling you he is awful but I just had to add another of the same.
He is not a nice person. He sees no value in you. You would be so much happier without him bringing you down every day.

Yet another amazing woman being abused by a substandard man. Makes my fucking blood boil.

OP you must leave him. For your own sanity and for the children's mental health. This 'man' is a nasty bastard.

I wish men like this could have 'abuser' tattooed on their forehead to warn women not to get involved with them.

Agree, that would be my worry too.
Or they'll look up to him and view the world through his lens, maybe join him in seeing fault in everything mum does - which would be doubly heartbreaking (have seen this exact scenario discussed here now than once, and the poor mums in that situation had the shine stolen from them in their kids eyes, beyond awful).

Fabulous advice on this thread - leave him! They're so right.
You can have a talk first but honestly, you've tried. So, find what used to be called on here a 'shit hot lawyer' and organise a new, peaceful life for yourself.

👌👌

I agree with this and this would be my way of dealing with it. No need to be polite or amenable around him. Tell him to eff off when he’s being like this.

And yes, leave, he’s an abusive twat.

Why are you together? What positive things does he bring to your life?

If my husband were off work for the week and I wasn't, he would just naturally pick up the stuff in the house without a conversation even needing to be had.

If he text me about stacking cups wrong I'd block him. I honestly couldn't imagine someone being so petty that they'd actually write a text about cups.

You sound resigned to this being your life and it really doesn't have to be.

.

You're in an abusive marriage. I hope you have someone to talk to and can find your way out for you and the children. I'm sorry he's such an absolute twat.

Sounds to me as though, rightly or wrongly, he is also not happy in this marriage and it may be that splitting up will make you both happier?

My worry would be that at some point he'll transfer his complaining on to the DC and they won't be able to do anything right. I couldn't live like this as life is too short to be miserable. Are you seriously considering staying with this jerk OP?