Today's telling off from DH

He has no ambition and resents that you do.

And to stroke his pathetic ego he undermines you constantly.

That is not love.

Do you even like each other any more? Do you want the rest of your life to be like this? If he would look at counselling and you think he could really see how awful this is, then I might be tempted to work at it, but that’s a big if.

Remember, your children will use their parents relationship as a guide, do you want them to think this is normal?

@Wowohwow88 my ex was like this. Its emotional abuse. He would rage if the cups weren't moved from the draining board or if my clothes weren't perfect. Not just a throwaway comment. I became so worn out by it all. I think you should weigh up all your options as this isnt healthy behaviour in a relationship. You know this though.

Op this is not normal behaviour. I cannot imagine how unpleasant it must be for you to live with someone who treats you like this. He's telling you off like you're a naughty child and not an equal.

"He has made it clear he doesn't like my job."

WTF has it got to do with him?!?!

Actually I do know, as other posters have said, he's trying to get you to perform badly / get you to hate your job so you quit and then can be subservient to him and no longer self sufficient. DO NOT FALL FOR THIS. It is a classic abuse tactic.

Please do not leave your job / reduce your hours. If anything I would actually try to get into the office more / do longer hours / try to get promoted. You will need to be financially dependent for when you leave this absolute cock jockey.

I don't think I could live with someone like this. If he is constantly moaning at you I would be telling him to shut up or move out. We all have particular ways of doing things but if you are constantly doing things he wants them he has got used to you just doing as he tells you. Assert yourself and tell him you will stack cups and pull curtains however you want to and if you want to let DC play with water (supervised presumably) then what harm is he doing? He is petty and just likes to feel he is in charge.

I am pretty calm but if I was getting daily 'telling offs' from DH I would eventually be driven to scream; "For the love of God will you shut the fuck up, you are not my fucking boss and you are driving me insane. Back the fuck off you fucking arsehole".

This isn't about cups and being half an hour late from work etc. That's just what's at the tip of the iceberg.
What's really going on with him? Whys he so unhappy?

He's horrible. Please make plans to leave you deserve better.
My DH has a bit of a thing for cups, he has about 6 and each one is used for a specific drink at a specific time. Weirdo. I made him tea one morning in the wrong cup and he threw it away so now I never make him drinks.

I cannot imagine my husband ringing up to tell me I've put the cups away wrong. He's a tool.

Yep...

You already know what you need to do. I am betting you do not want your DC to grow up thinking this is the way people should treat each other.

He is a bully and abusive. You and your DC deserve better and you don't deserve to feel devalued by this azzhat.

I'm so sorry, sounds a really horrible thing to deal with. Definitely don't give up your job!

You are in a good position to leave because you have a job. He knows that. He is trying to get you to fuck up at work so that you go back to where you belong, paying all your attention to him and without the security you need to leave.

If your kids are playing with water stage then they are probably so young that it feels too daunting. That's ok. It's ok to start making a plan now and leave when they're at school, in a few years. In the meantime start putting down iron clad boundaries. Don't answer your phone when at work and if he challenges you look at him like he's insane and say "I was at work?". He is trying to get your attention on him and the best way to counter is to stone wall him. Give him no attention. He says about the cups, you just say "I'll stack them how I like" in a dismissive tone and then ignore it. Show him through your actions and attitude that you give no fucks about his attempts to control you.

'He says I am not fit to look after the children because of some of the decisions I make (youngest dc's favourite thing at the moment is to play with the tap, dh can't stand letting him play with the water where as I think its harmless) but dh thinks its perfectly acceptable to go away for weekend with mates for football and leave the dc with me'

Of all the frankly awful behaviour of your 'D'H you describe, this strikes me as particularly foul. He obviously doesn't really believe you are unfit to look after your DC as if he did he wouldn't leave them with you when he goes away...so this seems to be malicious and purely intended to hurt you.

You can either try (as others have suggested) to give him the message that his behaviour needs to change, and leave if it doesn't. Or you could leave now.

Is there any chance you can start planning to leave?

He's an abusive bully and your children are seeing this and it's affecting them

This man is abusive. Please leave him for your sake and your children’s. He will not change.
I spent 8 years of my life with someone similar and he ground me down into an absolute shell of myself. Every single day from first thing in the morning until last thing at night he would just pick pick pick away at me, nothing I did was ever right. I was walking on eggshells. I cannot tell you the relief I felt when I got away from him. This behaviour is not normal, it’s not a healthy relationship. He is trying to control you and make you totally reliant on him.

Frankly? leave. It won't get better, he will carp on and on and on.

If you were to answer "curtains wrong" with - it's your job from now on and "cups wrong" - it's your job from now on etc what would happen?

If you really think things might change, go to therapy with him. Make him address his issues with a 3rd party there. But frankly? I would just go. Life is too short for that kind of grinding down and general arsiness (when i worked and my DH was off with the DCs he just did everything that needed to be done, and vice versa. that is how a partnership works)

Honestly OP - why are you still there? What joy does he add to your life, what comfort, what warmth? Is he the world's best fuck? If he isn't then what keeps you with him when life without him would be one where you weren't "told off" like a 5 year old every five minutes.

OP I think you should either tell him you want to split up, or suggest Relate. Constantly telling you off for things is not a way to continue a relationship, and not something you want your kids to model their behaviour on. If he’s prepared to go to Relate with you, and address his behaviour, then you may have a chance. Otherwise, I think the marriage should end, because you’re just not working as a couple any more.

He judges you for everything you do because he knows he is punching above his weight.

If you aren't ready to immediately ditch the whining bully

You need to use your higher intelligence ! superiority .
Curtains. "I do it my way"
Work hours. "I do it my way"
Cups: Ditto, or "Fuck Off"
Work calls: I'm working. Are you a 4 year old?
Child tap game: Immediately plonk dc in his arms. (Though it does seems a waste of water) & say your turn to play.

Tell him to get a better job, So he isn't a miserable nit picking bore

I'd garrott him with the fucking curtain. What a mean nasty little man. Honestly I'd leave. Bollocks to living like that, it sounds exhausting.

I have done this as well as adding "you've become a boring tedious person who is unpleasant to be around"
Have a conversation about separating and see if that's the road he wants to go down because that's certainly where this is heading.

He’s an abusive cunt. Call it what it is. LTB life is too short for that shit every day.

He's putting you down to make himself feel better. But the feeling is fleeting so he has to do it again and again. He will never stop ... horrendous behaviour