Today's telling off from DH

OP the more you type the more it's clear that he is an abusive, controlling arse wipe. The good news is you can make yours and the kid's lives instantly better by leaving, because you aren't dependent on him. He belongs in the bin, where he can moan about curtains and cups to his heart's content and no one will care.

This. People like this only ever get worse. I would tell him to get to fuck. It's over anyway!

If he wouldn't speak to his manager or best mate like that, your marriage has no chance. Get out while you are young. Set him free to 'educate' others.

I haven’t rtft, but I have read all your posts.
You sound like me 10 years ago. 10 years ago with the help of an amazing friend I finally released that no matter what my H said I wasn’t the problem.
Your H is abusive and belittling. The longer you stay, the more you loose your sense of self.
As a start, mention how he is to your friends and family. It’s nothing to be ashamed of (they may already have seen more than you realise). The more you see his behaviour through others eyes the easier it is to see it for the belittling, nasty behaviour it is
PS of course he hates your job, it gives you agency, self belief and self esteem.

Good luck

@Wowohwow88 he's doing it on purpose. He is wearing you down so you'll end up being a full time housewife and then he can beat you down financially.

Your marriage is already dead in the water because he is threatened by you. He knows you can do it all and he can't so he's trying to control you.

Honestly, your life would be happier, healthier and easier without him trying to manipulate you ever day to make his man-feelings feel better that he isn't able to meet your amazingness.

OP, kindly, what you describe isn’t simply a couple not being in a great place. A couple not being in a great place is things like being too busy to spend quality time together, not communicating enough, life pressures of juggling work, young kids etc. But underlying it all is love and respect.

OP, what you describe is abuse.

It doesn’t matter how hard you try, you are married to a man who abuses you. You can’t fix this. He is grinding you down. Taking away your self-confidence, your self-worth.

I think you need to start seeing this for what it is and start imagining a life without him. Then you can start making plans to leave.

Take care x

Basically he is a miserable bastard that is pissed off because you love your job and have the audacity to leave him looking after his children now and then. He is on a mission to make your life miserable, he is already starting on the children and will make their childhood unhappy. Get rid now as he will only get worse and will only stop when you reach rock bottom, that is is mission.

This is so true. My children (13 and 11) have got into the habit lately of leaving their dishes on the side in the morning if the dishwasher's full, rather than unloading it. This morning there were also smears of jam all over the table. I considered sending them a text as a friendly reminder but decided that it was ridiculous and I should just talk to them face to face.

If they'd put something away in the wrong place or just not as I liked it I'd have sorted it out without giving it a second thought! (Also, who's to say your way is 'wrong'? Is there a central authority that determines this?)

Spat my tea out @monkeysonthemoon but seriously @Wowohwow88 he is treating you like you work for him and he is a bad boss! He is also jealous of you/your job. Disrespecting you expecting you to stop to talk to him. Don’t let him undermine you. As others have said, HE is the problem here and I’d be making plans to separate/divorce.

Nagging is often a symptom of a deeper malaise- Happy people don't nag.
Maybe he is jealous of OP's job, {he hates his}

Sounds like basic incompatibility.

He does not like, love or respect you.

You are choosing to stay in a situation where this is happening.

But worse, you are choosing to expose your children to this.

This is how children learn how to do relationships.

How to be emotionally abusive.

How to meekly accept being treated like shit.

You are an intelligent, respected adult with the ability to earn her own living and be independent. (This may be part of his problem. His problem - not yours).

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/recognising-domestic-abuse/

First post nails it !!

I genuinely love my job, am good at it and well respected, but he can't understand why I enjoy working when he hates his job. He also can't understand that if I leave my work at the end of the day it is still there tomorrow, in his job someone else comes in and does it

As well as being abusive, he sounds pretty thick if he can’t understand that other jobs are different to his. But, as others have said, I suspect he wants you to fuck up at work and drag you down to his level or (preferably) below.

He’s a controlling bully. Texting about the cups is incredibly over the top. Expecting you to talk when you’re on a work call is ridiculous.

The comments about being unfit to look after the dc is very concerning: is he building up to go for full custody?

Please read all the comments on here, OP. He is a cunt.

When a relationship has reached this level of nagging, griping and pettiness, it's clearly not working for either party- either the nagged at, or the nagger.

Don't be that couple that are always bickering.

It's horrible to live like that.

He hates your job for a few reasons.

1. it is time you are not being the family slave, doing more for him that he can complain about and letting him do less
2. it means freedom for you- time out of the home with adults, earning an income. Your job sounds great and will be a huge help in supporting you to leave.

Do you want to continue to live like this? As you've made the post I'm assuming no?

So your options are to have a serious talk, or leave.

Not generally about men who do the biggest share of the drudge work and parenting though.
And if those women said they were texting their men at work and moaning at them for petty shit they would get zero support here.

OP, reading your updates is making me feel incredibly worried for you. This is not a good man. He isn’t just a picky, pedantic bore. He is very controlling and he’s messing with your head, deliberately. Please, please take steps to get away from him.

oh no you don't. 90% is a number you pulled from somewhere unsavoury.

Plenty of us have written about our perfectly lovely, normal husbands doing the necessary.

And if they do complain? so what? do they text their DH at his important man-job to tell him? Do they expect him to jump to attention when they get home and he's on a work call? I am sure there are some fussy women. And I'm sure 90% of us would say the same thing: leave.

Hello Op
#I hope you are having a better day
As exepcted on almost every thread re 'realtionship problems' too many find it easy to say "leave the xxxc" - However, you will be aware first hand that it is never that easy

Have you decided your next steps?
Sit down and work out agreements how to speak to the other and if not happy how to apprach that etc and both try to relax and comprmise with the other if at a ll possible

As I said, its too easy for others to say "leave" - I've said this many times, I've met at work women who banged on about "i would leave if if he did this/that and the other" Sadly, with the advent of the internet, smart phones etc, more and more people were fliting and then trying it out for the real thing and cheating and getting caught. Did those people that banged on about "I'd leave hin" leave? You all know the answer

Talk, and if possible, try to take time off toegher

Good luck

Maybe he's got OCD. I got it and my poor husband is very tolerant.
🤨

Can't imagine living like this.. 😞

We all know 90% of the people here probably complain that their man folds towels wrongly, leaves water marks around the sink, or doesn't load the dishwasher properly... but nope, a man can't have his way of doing things... that's abusive and nasty.

Why are you being so polite with him ? This is your husband, if you can't be blunt with him then who can you be yourself with?

Call him out on him, tell him to stop being such a tedious dickhead and either move on so you can all have a good time or go on the holiday by yourself. I couldn't be arsed with such drivel and you shouldn't either.

He is threatened and jealous of your job and calls you a bad mother. This is really not a nice person, and not someone who I would want around my children, or me.

Your life could be so much happier without this emotional abuser in your home.