Today's telling off from DH

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life like this? I wouldn’t.

My sister was in a similar situation. She told him if he didn't cheer up, start supporting her, pulling him weight on the house/with the kids and stop saying nasty stuff then she would divorce him.
It worked, he's much nicer now. Think it was a wake up call.
No one wants a useless man baby.

You need some “Controlling Fuckwit Bingo Cards”
Complains About Curtains - Tick
Complains That I Work Too Much From Home - Tick
Complains That I have Gone into the Office - Tick
Complains That there is Nothing to Eat - Tick
Complains That I have Spent too much on Groceries - Tick
Complains that I am Unfit Parent - Tick
Complains that I don’t spend enough quality time with him -Tick

What a huge misogynist. If that was my husband he's be drop kicked out of the front door.
Miserable twat. I literally would not stand for it. Neither should you.

Yes this is normal behavior. I expect some form of daily mention of something I have done wrong. Its honestly draining.

LEAVE!!!! There isn't really much more to say. This man is awful, seems to think he's either your shit boss or your shit parent and doesn't remotely see you as an equal. You and the kids deserve so much better than this.

Imagine spening the next 20, 30, 40 years of your life being told off for puttingcups in a cupboard wrong?? Life is far too short for that shit.

Can you bluntly tell him to stop moaning because it’s pissing you off? You are doing nothing wrong.

Do not quit your job, he’ll think he bloody owns you if you do that.

This! The fact is that he is jealous of you, OP, and your obvious success in your job. Sad, pathetic little man. It isn't any fault of yours - he should be proud of you, not denigrating and belittling you at every opportunity. You could do SO much better.

Coercive control and he's probably jealous of you and what you can and do achieve on a daily basis. An arse.

Runningaway90: Why do you believe he is better than you?! I've put my partner on a pedestal for years and I'm finally realising he is not better than me and if anything I'm a much "better" person than him as a nice and kind person who does not abuse their partner!

Damn right you are! 1,000%. So glad you are realising this and taking steps!

My X Husband, would moan about the tupperwear cupboard. I was a sham, two toddlers, did everything, and I mean everything.

One day he emptied it all out and re organised it, then lectured me about how this is how all drawers/cupboards should be, this was his standard. He could achieve it why couldn't i.
I stood there fantasising about stabbing him with the fork in my hand.

A few weeks later he put labels on the shelves in the cup/glass cupboard...He never got better, he just got worse.

Took me many a year to finally divorce the arsehole..that's the future OP.

I wouldn't be taking that crap from my husband. Sounds like a miserable sod.

"Did you really just text me from work to tell me I'd stacked the cupboard wrong?! Someone needs to get a life."

He says I am not fit to look after the children because of some of the decisions I make (youngest dc's favourite thing at the moment is to play with the tap, dh can't stand letting him play with the water where as I think its harmless) but dh thinks its perfectly acceptable to go away for weekend with mates for football and leave the dc with me

Well, this is clearly part of his strategy to control you. Do you find yourself thinking that if you left he'd make it impossible for you to keep the children or worry that he might keep you from them?

He hates your job? can I ask why? did you use to be a SAHM and now he's pissed that you're not there doing all the work and chores? Do you earn more than him? Is he threatened?

It sounds like you are doing the vast bulk of household tasks and childcare as it is so I don't think you need to be scared of any threats. Use this thread as an example - we probably all get a bit annoyed at our partners doing things differently to us side-eyes DH's inability to load the dishwasher in a sensible way but normal healthy people don't go on and on and on about small things, nor do we send text messages complaining about how a cupboard is paced.

Not fit to look after the children?! He’s right, you can cope with the young ones but definitely not the adult sized spoilt baby throwing tantrums, so he best remove himself.
He’s a nasty, controlling, abusive loser op. Pack his shit in the car and change the locks xx

Havent RTFT. Can't really help you with practical advice as I am in the process of trying to leave my relationship but my partner sounds very similar to yours. Things having to be done his way and no respect for your job etc but expects you to respect his (I'd be moaned at to get logged off when I have crazy deadlines and can't but fine if he does last minute overtime). When you say he tells you you are not fit to look after the children, I don't have kids but my partner has said stuff like this to me a million times like I'm not fit to look after the dog myself or to go out alone. It's all designed to make you doubt yourself. I am literally a shell of the person I was when I was single having put up with constant criticism on these seemingly small things every single day of life and I bet you are too. It is so fucking draining. Just to say I'm with you, I understand partly how you feel. I also think you should LTB (although I know it seems so impossible atm).

Why do you believe he is better than you?! I've put my partner on a pedestal for years and I'm finally realising he is not better than me and if anything I'm a much "better" person than him as a nice and kind person who does not abuse their partner!

OP this is abuse and it will not get better. He sees as his servant.

Why do you tolerate this shit? Sit him down, tell him it stops, right now, or you’ll be consulting a solicitor. Imagine what his behaviour - and your acceptance of it - is teaching your children.

@Wowohwow88 i get the feeling you’re going to feel overwhelmed with the replies to this thread.

take a breath, we’re not attacking you, or berating you in any way, our reaction is of shock in what you’re going through and incredulity that he can consider this appropriate way to treat you.

hes awful. I’m sorry but he is.

he hates your job because you love it and if he can get you to leave it, he’ll be able to isolate you more than perhaps he’s already done.

there is no changing him. He won’t ever get any better, only worse.

you do need to look at how life could be improved by taking him out of your day to day life.

put your ducks in a row and look at your options.

Yes, this is what I realised was happening in my first marriage: H was criticising me to 7yo DD1 who then repeated it to me or to DD2 in my hearing, I forget which. It was one of the main spurs to my leaving. I know he continued to criticise me ("out of concern" supposedly), but at least my actions made it clear I didn't agree with him. And living without him, the sunshine came back into our lives and I was freed to be a much better parent to them.

That's the first image that popped into my mind too. The husband who insisted that all the tins be stacked two-deep in the cupboard with all their labels facing outward.

Does this pearl of a man think he's married to Kryton?

No wonder you are not in a good place, OP. In your shoes I know exactly what I'd tell him to do. Prick.

@Wowohwow88 why are you still with him? Genuine question.

He clearly doesn’t like you.

Do you yourself think this is acceptable in a marriage?
Why do you go along with him on this?
I understand why you have posted here for support, but do you plan to do anything about his behaviour, or will you just keep humouring him?

What he's doing to you is awful.

What he is doing to your DC, or will do to them as they get older, is hopefulyl the kick you need to realise this. Because you don't say how old they are but I guarantee that this nitpicking on them will start too. And children are messy and untidy and a bit thoughtless which means it will be x5000.

Sounds like its ultimatum time. He can shape up or ship out.

He thinks you're not fit to look after the children, yet he leaves them in your sole care during his football weekends away???

He's a nasty and abusive bully.

You need to have a frank conversation with him ASAP. He needs to shape up or ship out.

I'd also worry about him using the same bullying tactics on your children.

@BiscuitTins

"PS of course he hates your job, it gives you agency, self belief and self esteem."

This is exactly what it is.